Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

Hope all is still going well for you mate.

That was some last post. Your strength will win this battle in the end my friend, I know that for sure. You are a good man Duncs.

Keep strong and always look after your golf balls.....

All the very best

Ade

Evening Diary

So yesterday I worked a double,the second this week,tomorrow and the weekend will be the same,the last push before the festive period will gift me a few days to enjoy some great company,eat some delicious food and put my feet up,today I finished off the last of the shopping,went to all the wholesalers before hand for work and had the rest of the day to myself.

Had a delicious supper and Sarah and I have just enjoyed a windy walk with the hounds,now a nice hot bath and the long awaited darts world championships starts,a sport I really do love,greatest thing is not a single penny in my life has been waged upon it and it will stay that way!!!

the new medication has meant I feel the ability to face the 'world' as the fella I am,yes I am fragile,I suffer,I am and will be an addict for life,a recovering one at that.

today I can see all that through my half full glass,I can see what putting it in gifts,effort to live.

I spoke to an old friend a few times in the past few weeks he does some work with a charity that looks out for the homeless of pompey and I contacted him to ask why the homeless hve not been about in an area near the seafront in recent times as there was a young vunerable lad who worried me in his absence,well it turns out he is fine and has moved to another area of the city,why?

Because a restaurant owner in the area has reputedly paid some folk to rough up any homeless because they are ruining the feel of 'his' village atmosphere he wants to create!!!

I am conducting my own research and if this is found to be true I will do something very public about it,because that could have been me,I was really one bet from that,how society works at times is beyond me.

On a positive i am hoping to join my friend in his work over the next few weeks and it is something long term I would love to be a part of,the constructive support of those folk less fortunate than myself,rather than casting them aside.

This again helps me focus,to engage with life fully,never missing an opportunity to commit to making life better where possible.

There are I know two sides to every coin,I also know I won't risk anything upon the flip of one,because I without doubt have everything to lose and nothing to gain by the act of gambling.

Addiction drives my soul today,it lights a spark to keep topping my glass up and in the act that of as many others glasses I can reach.

Abstain and Maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

To Robman,fella today you showed me how brutal this addiction is my dear friend,how it knows no bounds or has no limits to the destruction it will wage.together we stand my friend,side by side.

Don't run to the arms of addiction,they are only held open to bleed the life from you,it will never be a friend

Keep it close,as that old saying is true

'Keep your friends close by but your enemies closer' Very true and very apt.

Hi Duncs,

Good to read your post, they have so much depth in them, straight from your heart and soul,

Thanks as always for sharing

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi DUNCS, good to see you in good spirits once again, I understand when you say that could have been you down and and out like that poor homeless lad. There used to be a fella here in london aged about 30 proper character, he used to walk through the traffic at busy junctions with an old can asking for a couple of Bob because he'd ran out of petrol, he could pop up anywhere within a10 mile radius I knew him for about 5years and he never got to fill that car, regular drivers would toot him and give him some change., never ever aggressive a real nice man who you couldn't resist helping, then I never saw him for a while which wasn't unusual, then sadly I read in the evening paper he'd been found dead in the basement of an office he was in the front area and died from carbon monoxide poisoning from the boiler flue. The poor fella settled down for the night and never woke. His family said he never had a drink or drugs problem but had emotional problems and preferred to live on the streets, I was gutted, what a tragedy, I agree anybody could end up in that position. On a happier note I wish you the very best in the run up to Christmas, like you told me I'm abstaining and maintaining and going well....... Thanks DUNCS .........regards Ginger

Hey Duncs, good to read such a positive post! My favourite thing about Christmas is the darts at the Ally Pally. Really miss Sid Waddells excellent commentary, but Sky make it such a good event. Who do you want to win? I like Stephen Bunting, but would love to see The Power win again. Something about Van Gerwin annoys me, I will be rooting for whoever plays against him. The only time I turn over is if Justin Pipe is playing as he sends me to sleep.

Evening Diary

well I am two days into a crazy weekend of work,left home in the dark and returned in the dark,the last function tonight for the 'party' nights,they do make me laugh with folk going at it like the bar is going to stop serving at any moment and they get in a real state,still no major issues and the boss is delighted so for me,money in the bank,bills paid and the christmas presents bought for everyone,a far cry from years past,christmas has for many years of my adult life been built on false promises and lies of what the festive season will bring and the results a very tense house.

As i have said we are doing 'secret santa' at home,we all drew a family member and have bought gifts for them,the truth is the anxiety is taken away the feeling of 'is it enough' also it means the gifts have real meaning to them and we will have money for the sales this year,things like coats and curtains needed,hopefully we will bag a few bargains and there is no greater feeling than bagging a bargain!! lol

I am still enjoying the freedom my medication has brought to my mind,I saw the doctor on thursday and he is happy for the dosage to continiue and I will work closely with him to ensure it does not have detrimental long term effects.

the last few days have brought so emotional termoil from a member of the forum who I talk to away from the forum,Robman found himself gambling again and has taken the latest episode badly,emotionally again questioning his worth and ability to recover from this sh#it of an addiction.

I told him what I believe I have learnt,that recovery is a journey,he is making progress,he comes back after a fall,looking for ways to better his chance of it not repeating,that is progress for me,f**k for twenty and more years I refused help,truthfully never sought it,just hid for a while,never addressing the reasons why I relentlessly pursued the next bet,even in periods of abstinence I was always plotting how I would 'gamble' again,never seeking an alternative life that 'recovery' offers.

For me there is a point in time where all compulsive gamblers find themselves not wanting to bet being more important than placing the next bet,it cannot be forced,nobody can make them seek the ability or desire,it comes through the re education of the mind.

I am yet to find a 'stupid' compulsive gambler,we can all in the cold light of day see the destruction,we all know what a futile act gambling is,it's for me addiction like any other,addiction takes over the rational side of the mind,it controls,dominates the brain.

Abstinence is actually the most difficult choice for us,why? because for the majority it is simply easier to give to addiction.

The only advice I can give is never give up on giving up,once you end the cycle of constant destruction,the self gifted act of the futile punt,give everything you have to finding the good that arresting the next bet gifts

The list grows.

Abstinence is the gift that never stops giving,life choices are relentless,the only comparison I can give the two is for me both abstinence and gambling have no end game

There will never be a day when the choice not to gamble won't be the most important choice I make,the same was to be said for gambling,there was never a win that would have had me say 'that's it I have won'

Because for me as an active gambler I can never win,because I become obcessed by the greed it brings

I am greedy for abstinence in the same fashion and truthfully the results are the polar opposite

It is what is on offer,please take it

Abstain and maintain

Be kind to yourself,enjoy the feeling of a stake free win.

Just for today

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Lovely post Duncs.

What a lovely idea - a family Secret Santa! Its a great feeling when you have all your shopping, all your presents and money in the bank! Im experiencing the same too.

Have a wonderful Christmas and all the very best.

Lady Feb.

Star has started shining again..... as if you ever faded.... Dark Place

Morning Duncs,

Great last post there. Just the plain and simple truth. I have been thinking about you alot lately. I have discovered that social media and even this wonderful forum can sometimes overwhelm my old introverted brain. So, I back off of reading and writing in order to recharge my mental battery. A couple of wonderful folks you included have extended yourselves beyond this forum and for that I will be eternally grateful. As for me? Gambling and overeating continues to be a daily struggle as I suspect it will always be. In the cold light of day the sobering truth is always the same. I am a gambling addict and will never win because for me it is no longer about winning. When I am in full blown addiction this simple truth alludes me. I close off my ears and my eyes to it. I live as if the next day will never come and the outcome is always the same. Self annihilation. I close my eyes and beg for a miracle And, I have discovered the miracle is other people who are just like me who know what it's like to be an addict. Folks willing to reach out to give me a hand up even in my darkest hours. But, you are right my friend. In the end the only one who can make the changes is me. One thing I know for certain Duncs is that I will never stop trying. Lastly, I wanted to wish you and your lovely family a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Cheers Duncan!! ((((((Duncs)))))) -joanxxxx

P.S. I have discovered also that I stink at letter writing. I believe you might have my email addy. Please feel free to drop me a line. I would love to keep in contact with you!!!

Hi Duncs,

Great post so inspiring.

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncs,

"For me there is a point in time where all compulsive gamblers find themselves not wanting to bet being more important than placing the next bet,it cannot be forced,nobody can make them seek the ability or desire,it comes through the re education of the mind."

What a great quote. Enough said my friend.

Keep strong mate.

Ade

You are on top form Duncs, thats an amazing post. When the urges come theres so much to take from your words. Enjoy your Christmas and keep up the good work.

Hi Dunc, glad to see you're doing well still, always enjoy reading your diary to see the benefits of life after gambling.
Merry Christmas.

Evening diary

Thanks for all the kind words of support, we all stand in unison fighting addiction.

Tonight I am feeling the effects of a reply from the moderators on a thread that dogfan wrote on the overcoming problem gambling section, it again shows my the negative approach the industry casts upon this incredible place.

I fully understand the industry funds the forum, there gift to us, well to a penny between us we have all more than financially paid for it, through our relentless contribution of gifting our hard earned.

So in short mr bookmaker, you can get the folk you pay to wheel the elephant in the room out as often as you like, get them to fail to mention the word ADDICTION, bang on about how hard they work on 'responsible' gambling because for the folk here you talk utter hokum! !!

We are addicts we are not going away, we are the sh#it stain on the pretty picture of happiness you portray we are a product of the industry, time for you to face the fact.

Together we stand all trying to find continued abstinence and support, because frankly you make me feel like you would line us all up on a wall and start firing.

Well I have a voice to fire back.

I hope that the writing doesn't have the negative effect it has before in my time here.

For me it is simple, you gift me another bullet for the gun recovery gave me.

Tonight I choose to fire.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

HI DUNCS, man of the people, keep firing, in the words of corporal Jones ...THEY DONT LIKE IT UP EM....merry Christmas from a member of your battalion. onwards and upwards. GInger.