Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Dear DUNCS , dark place summed up perfectly for me too. The very best to you and yours GInger

Hi Duncan,

I hope u r feeling better 🙂

Just wanted to thank u 4 all ur support and wish u and ur family a gr8 Christmas xx

Duncs, I was starting to get concerned when I hadn't seen you about in a while, but reading through your previous entires, you say you're going to take a break, so it's understandable. I hope everything is well with you and I look forward to your return, as I'm sure a lot of people are. Best of luck mate.

Evening diary

Thanks for all the kind words, they mean a great deal.

So it has been over a week since I started my medication. The truth is I was really quite scared at the prospect of what the outcome would be, I was worried that there would be physical debilitating effects I would struggle with.

I am so happy to say that the effects have been purely positive.

It feels like I opened the filing cabinet in my mind and have kind of audited the unwanted S***e in there.

And with new information I seem to be better at actually logging what is necessary rather than trying to get it all in.

I have learnt from the process of recovery that taking help is not an act of shame but more times than not the solution to my continued abstinence, I am gaining the ability to trust in other folk to help me with making better life choices, rather than jumping feet first into everything.

I have been able to for fill my work schedule too, something that instills further faith in my choice.

Gambling has featured in my thoughts, my dreams have been very vivid the past couple of days, a process of cleaning my sub concious I believe, the only place left where my addiction can loiter.

I am willing to grant it the space, f**k it cant reap any havoc in there, just boost my resolve to continue life free of self made damage it brings when I let it into my 3d world.

Sorry to ramble, but it's better than any gamble.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Better to ramble than gamble. Another fantastic tag line from the master, great to see you in top form again, the very best to you DUNCS. I agree 100 per cent that there's no shame in seeking advice after all that's why we're all here, another thought provoking post that pushes people in the right direction towards total abstinence. Many thanks. Ginger

Hi Duncs,

Really good to see your post, and all is well, and yes it certainly is better to ramble than gamble

Take care of yourself,

Suzanne xx

Hello my friend.

There's certainly no shame in helping yourself. Ramble all you like.

We are tested every single day of our lives. You can't change who you are but you can change what you do. Great to see and keep it up. We continue to learn.

Ian

Hi Duncs,

Just popping in again to give you my best wishes.

Hope you and all your golf balls are all good and remember to reward yourself every now and then with those couple of beers...

All the best mate

Ade

Thanks again Duncs,

Good to hear from you mate, like I said earlier, look after yourself....

All the best

Ade

Evening diary.

thanks ade,fella my world is a better place with folk like you in it,for that I am sure.

So my re-wiring goes on so to speak,had a day off today,still working on my life/work balance,an important part of my own recovery.

So I got a lay in,my beautiful wife by my side and and those couple of whippets at our feet,they sneaked in lol,then a walk,and watched the football with my boys,then a nice roast for supper and we had a stroll this evening before Sarah sits and enjoy's the x factor,lol I am enduring it!!

We had a really good chat today,regarding my mental health,I am trying to face it in the manor recovery has taught me,not to leave any stones unturned,it is working with my continued recovery from my compulsion to gamble and I am sure dealing with my mental state of mind can only help in it's continuation.

So I can be honest and say today I feel like I am starting with a blank canvas in my mind,the overbearing desire to prove myself,to try and fix everyone's problems,to fill a void which the only person see's is me has been put into perspective.

Yes I still want to help,I see it as a greater reward than anything money can gift,yes I still want to prove to myself that I can achieve whatever it is I set out to do,but I also see today I am human,I have limits,I can't be all things to everyone,what I need to be is myself.

I am confident I can find forefilment,I can see all I have today,and the good,no the great far outweighs the sh#it,I don't want to feel in a position where I will run the other way again and with honesty if I had not have seen my gp a couple of weeks ago I know I was about to run.

Run to what I am not sure,drink,a punt,drugs or just walking away without notice and shutting myself behind a door,whichever the consequences are I know the outcome effects those I hold dear.

I don't know why I have suffered the building impending sense of doom at times,but I do know this time I sought help and will continue to do so. So I have to see my gp again this week to further explore the direction to take things,I look forward to it,I will embrace whatever is offered,because I know at times in my life the best help has without doubt come in forms I have least expected it.

This forum has been a constant tool in my own recovery and posting my ramblings have been a great part of my progress in becoming the person I want to be.

With honesty most of my Adult life I have let folk down in one form or another,I have let my own desire to 'escape' cloud my judgement,I have let my desire to feed addiction over rule my thinking,I know today a bit more of addictions ability to get inside my mind,to control my every thought,to make me carry out illogical and irrational actions.

I also understand the consequences not just for me.

So my need to control or over control things has abated some what and it again has been replaced with a renewed drive to 'LIVE'

I don't need to rely on good fortune either,because for me in the cold light of day that is the irony I faced,to be a fella obcessed by control yet living most of his adult life gifting any control straight to addiction.

It feels like looking back I could have split myself in two.

Today I want to rebuild the best fella I can from the rubble left.

That starts by me making a choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Again Duncs.

I could've write that myself. Good point well made! More evidence that we're in a very similar place in our minds.

Take care,

Ian

You don't need to do much rebuilding Duncs, you are a great fella. Your support on here has helped an awful lot of people and it sounds like you have got a really happy family. You have got past the dark days and have a very bright future! Thanks for the posts on my diary. Sorry to see another defeat for Pompey, your manager must be under huge pressure now!

Hi Duncs,

Very deep post, as Phil posted above you don't need much rebuilding, you are one hell of a guy, and don't you ever forget that,

Take care

Suzanne xx

Morning Dunc,

Hope this finds you well. Take care mate, gazza

Hi Duncan,

I'm so glad you were able to find the strength in yourself to tell your GP that you needed help, and that it has proved to be a positive move for you. That desire to escape and to get away from the real world is what fuels gambling for a lot of us I reckon, if you could fix everyone's problems you would be a man in great demand! No more time with the family and dogs if you had that particular skill!

I know its easier to tell somebody else than convince yourself of the fact, but as others have said you don't need that much work. Your positive approach to recovery and the joy you show in life in your posts is amazing, and I hope this medicine continues to ensure that you can embrace that for a very long time.

As always, in support and encouragement,

Ryan