Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

hi Duncs

Well done for coping with what must have ben a very emotive and heated evening for you...even though this is an uncomfortable process it is one that will be part of your ongoing journey...

From the other side all I can say is that there are things your Mum has to go through in her own journey that she has to do alone and blaming herself is very destructive....you cant take here pain away hun.

My boyfriend and I are currently keeping a distance because I can not let go of torturing myself some days and it is affecting him...he feels powerless that he cant make it all right for me....but he cant....

.

I still have things to work out alone or at a distance as those close to me will be in danger of me dumping the whole lot at their door as the pain can be too great some days and i want someone "to pay".

It very harsh to say it Duncs but all you can do is let your Mum go through this process on her own without trying to fix or feel guilt because if she reacts anything like me...you will be damned if you do and damned if you don't..

Please concentrate on your own recovery and maybe keep conversations light but if she starts getting too upset you have to remove yourself again while she is going through it...

I know this is the total opposite of what you would normally do but you need to stay strong...otherwise if you are too close you will be pulled back into all those self loathing feelings.

You are in danger of having the whole book thrown your way of things that are nothing to do with you...and i'm sure lot of feelings are enmeshed together in her head over your dad and you that are lumped together that she has to separate out or it will turn into one big overwhelming ball of hurt for her .

For me the gambling was tied in with the baby and my own mothers alcohol addiction so my ex got the full loaded barrel of all this..all my forum posts have been to do with separating this stuff out..

You need to protect yourself Dunc and even though this may trigger some guilt you have to remove yourself or distance yourself somehow if not physically but setting a boundary to keep the conversation light and talk about the kids etc.....

This other stuff you Mum needs to work out with someone else..maybe a friend or in a professional capacity....just my thoughts there.

I hope this makes some sense Duncs ...your whole family is in recovery of some sort and I guarantee that only good will come of this....give it time and don't think that it all as to be resolved at once...

Hugs and bigger hugs

You are a GOOD GOOD man....you may need all your "metal" right now...think of it as a shield of protection that you can put down again when things get level...and they will.

R and D xx

...always forward....NEVER BACK my friend.....xxx

keep close to Sarah and kids and the forum xx

Morning diary.

as always thanks for all the posts they help me hugely in my resolve to become through my recovery a better fella, that image I saw in the mirror this morning looked accepted by the fella staring back at it.

Today I feel more stable, I crave "stability" today and all it brings, a house,family,friends,job and the whole lot in a line rather than being juggled with hands and feet, ultimatley I think this will be a huge part of the jigsaw something I know and accept will take time but todaty as I no longer waste it, I have plenty.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET today.

P.s

today our beautiful Lily-May got her gcse results an A*in math A history B's in english lit/science drama,media and c's in geog and a B in further maths, So today I doff my cap to you the apple of my eye a massive well done to you!!!!!!!

duncs stepping forward never back.

Proud as punch dad. x

Yo,

Congrats to Lilly-May , I hope with all my heart she for fills her full potential in this life . Well done my lovely if you are reading this .

Your earlier post I read this morning and it has stayed with me all day .

Our past creates foot prints sometimes in sand and other times in concrete that can never be erased .

But they shape us , I am sad for your mum , cause at times we have no controll over our nearest and dearest .

My 19 year old starts an access course for uni in a week or so , this was the little girl who made her self homeless at 14 and spent the next 2 years off her face on one drug or another . As a mother it broke my heart and many a night I would beat myself up as to how I could of let this happen, she has turned her life around full circle , she works with in a specialist care home for people with mental problems , loves every minute , but came relate to them because of her experiences as a homeless person.

My point to saying this , is that your posts always convey the an immense pride in your family . (although immense is not a strong enough word ) and such love.

I wonder if you had never gambled would you feel the same ,not that I am advocating to find what is important in our lives become a compulsive gambler far from it . It has shaped you , to be the guy to use one of your sayings stands before us today Bit like my youngest . The past is the past and all we can hope that in some small way it has made us a better person , in being able to value the things that are important in life .

Take care , I hope that you can see what I am trying badly to say .

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hey Duncs..

A flyer to say...over 50% there in my own recovery but 100% behind you in yours.......

Always Forward and never back ...can change our futures with time,resolve and understanding...

Time will do its work..

Hugs and well done to your very creative and intelligent family...whoop whoop xx

R and D xx

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for your message. Congratulations to Lily-May. You must be one very proud dad. 🙂

All is well this end thanks. Really looking forward to the birth now.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Duncan,

I can tell u r such a proud dad , congratulations Lily-May 🙂

U r sooo postive Duncan and ur posts r gr8 2 read 🙂

I hope u and ur family have a gr8 nite 🙂

evening Diary.

Well today gets better and better, my latest stock take results for the last 6 week period came in today and I posted above the expected gp for the forth consecutive time,so my streak continues, and from this 2.1% raise I myself benefit from a very healthy bonus from this,timely as we can reward our eldest two for there recent sucesses in there exams,and yes something for youngest just because he is our baby lol!!! no doubt more shoes may start calling him emelda!!!! Before I would put all my efforts into a punt today's choice NO BET!!!!!!

Hard graft will earn me what I need and enough to save for those desires.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

Just look how your stepping forward is working .........Eldest...going to uni......Lily May.....great results...Youngest....who knows what goodies he will do!

You getting brilliant results at work!

And most importantly Duncs

You...Sarah...and Kiddos....What a beautiful family!

This must surely be enough inspiration to show how peoples life can turn around!

Nuff said!

Sue x

Hi Duncan,

Thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary, it means alot 🙂

I hope u and ur family have a gr8 wknd, keep going Duncan u r doing brilliant 🙂

Stay strong 🙂

Morning Diary.

Read alot of this forum in the last twelve or so hrs why?? maybe due to the fact I had a good chat with my eldest yesterday over a good few hrs about many things in life, he is so intrested in life it is like a breathe of fresh air, to end what did I get out of the forum, a bittersweet feeling to see a fellow gamcarer return after a period of not posting to read he had returned to the punt.Along with this moving out of the comfort zone of the folks I tend to read and post from I read many other diaries old and new and am amazed how often the thing we are all here for to "arrest" our compulsion to gamble destruct our lives and those of many others around us is clouded by in fighting and comments of a personal nature left which surely can only have a negative effect upon the recovering diary owner or the reader???Why is it human nature maybe?? will it stop me posted reading hell no, do I care not judge the recovery of all others who use gamcare to aid recovery Hell YES, will I continue to read yes, but to all of us surely the big picture here is we are all here for "recovery" should we not one and all give to one and other unconditionally and take a minutes breathe to think "we caused enough waves whilst at it will our posts cause more??? if so why post???"

Me I have broad shoulders to end today I feel I am ready to face the world and all it delivers good and bad, rewind seven months and a day what if that person who stopped my path to destruction had not have stopped for a minutes breathe and instead handed me a rope???

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Reading other people's diaries and offering support when we can is good.

But the most important person in this place is OURSELVES.

I'm not being selfish but this is the main reason for us all coming on here. We just want to beat this gambling madness and start a new and better life for ourselves.

Just like you.

NT

Hi Duncs,

Not much to say except....Got my bar stool ready.......Not sure if Im a Carla or Diane.......maybe an inbetweenie!

Lurve our Sammy though!

Sue xx

Yo,

Just a quick dip to say , it's happened , , a for gone conclusion , night following day .......

It's blooooody well raining , it's windy , it cloudy and the sun most defo does not have his hat on.

But is ok , just had a thought , just like the things we have put in place to protect ourselfs from gambling , we have the barge , right Duncs could be time to take it out of summer hybenation , and get that bar filled up with gample free shakes , could be a long winter ....

Shiny xxxxxx