As my title suggests, I felt just as sick gambling £250 as I did losing more than £8,000. Although this story ends happily, it reminds me that the parasite of gambling, or moreover its lure, never truly goes away once you open that Pandora’s box.
Almost five years ago to this day, I lost more than £8,000 in a week. During that time, I have had many months and years to reflect. The journey hasn’t been easy, and I haven’t been gamble free for that whole time. However, when I have relapsed, I have always tried to use it as an opportunity to take stock and reflect on my life choices.
At the start of this year, I relapsed and threw £250 down the drain on one of those scumbag offshore online gambling sites. Thankfully, because I now have very specific card limits in place, I was not able to continue chasing the losses I had accrued. In the past, £50 turns into £100, £100 into £250, £250 into £500, £500 into £2,000, and then before I knew it, I had taken out multiple payday loans at three in the morning to cover the addiction of winning it all back. It can only be described as the hope of some kind of miracle because, as we all know, you only win when you stop.
I felt physically sick with myself after I was able to step outside of my obsessed, addict focused mind as a result of the bank spending limit, the same sickening feeling I had when I relapsed and threw £2,000 down the drain a couple of years into my recovery. However, upon taking stock and zooming out, it made me realise that each time I’ve gambled since my huge loss in 2021, the relapse has shrunk. The allure of gambling has lost its appeal and, as the incredible Allen Carr analogises in his book, I now hope to be at peace knowing that the parasite has finally been killed off and will not return. Ever.
Today I decided to reinforce my commitment to a gamble free lifestyle and have renewed my Gamban self exclusion period for a further five years with auto renewal thereafter. I will also be redownloading the Gamban app as it’s brilliant. This time around, I didn’t jump onto any dodgy and unregulated gambling websites and that’s the thing I’m most proud of when I zoom out and look at the bigger picture.
My savings are also locked away in hard to reach ISAs, which has meant that I have been able to save enough to comfortably be in a position to put a deposit down on a house later this year. I have also used the money that I would previously have spent on gambling to work towards a Masters degree in psychology and in part I attribute what I have built since becoming gamble free to why I didn’t squander more of my money.
I would like to start this new recovery diary partly so that I can hold myself accountable and I also hope it helps you in that, like my post suggests, you strike while the iron is hot to prevent future disaster.
Wishing you well.
Well done Londoneye and thank you for joining the chatroom tonight and chatting with us. Relapses are tough but at least you are learning from it by your words above. Blocks are superb and you sound like you are also putting barriers in place like locking savings so they aren't instantly available. When I first started gambling it was cash only and you had to go to the bookmakers. There were automatically barriers in place as you could only spend what you had in your pocket, couldn't get a loan out midflow etc so at least you are putting barriers in place. Did you mean Gamstop for self exclusion ? Gamban is amazing and blocks pretty much every operators site. I've only ever found one when I accidently clicked on an email rather than delete so I reported it to gamban through the app and within half an hour it was blocked.
Good luck and I will look forward to reading your next entry
Hi London Eye
well done for putting blocks into plave, I've opened up one of those non accessible bonds also, it's a really good idea as you can't access any big money as it's safely put away. I've given up gambling and relapsed more times than I can remember but the support on here is absolutely incredible and so inspirational. Knowing there are others that are fighting the same fight to stop really makes a difference and we all want to be happy. There's no happiness in gambling, just gut wrenching heartache is how I'd describe it. It mentally rips your soul and your hard earned money. Stick with us on chatroom and speak to the advisors when you feel you are vulnerable. Reform coaching is also helping me on a weekly basis with one to one talking and she's amazing. Any support you get will help you continue to hopefully get you to where you want to be in life. A life where you feel much happier without the grip and dispair of gambling and that what we all want. See you soon on chatroom 😊 jennyj
Well done LondonEye.
I too put that final block in place which was Gamban, after I had spent over 4K of my own money on one of those “dodgy, greedy, selfless overseas gambling sites Previously to this, I had gone over 470 days g.f until September last year.Â
I contacted the Gamcare support team and they sent me the free link to set up Gamban on my devices. This put the final gambling prevention in place for me 👌. Â I am now 150+ days g.f.
Wishing you the best of luck with your house purchase.
Take care and continue to make your life better. Â
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Hi Londoneye
How has your week been ? After your big share, have you thought about adding an update on here ?Â
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