Andy's Diary

Great post Andy can totaly relate to everything you have said, well done on 33 days keep up the good work 🙂

35 days.

Feeling good.

Enjoyed taking the kids to Burger King yesterday, simple things like that I've neglected over the past few years.

Also been kidding myself on all this time in regards to how much I was gambling.

In just over a month we have saved enough to go on holiday and my partner has booked us up so we're off to Benidorm in 3 weeks time.

When I admitted my gambling to my partner I put a figure of £200 per month I was losing, the figure is around 3 or 4 times that.

Owards and upwards.

37 days.

Gamcare being funded by the industry I now loathe is not sitting well with me.

How can Gamcare accept handouts from the industry it claims to be committed to persuading people to avoid ?

How can they accept this finance when they know full well the misery thats been caused in the industry making this money ?

38 days.

Doubting whether this forum is the right place for me.

Just think of it as a tax, they are here to help and support recovery. there are no advertisements, they do not promote gambling.

The money has to come from somewhere, it isnt like people on the street are going to want to donate to a gambling charity... doesnt exactly sound like a good cause " please give us your money so that we can help people who just throw it away"

i personally dont think it matters where they get their funding from, the fact they are here to help is what is important

Hi Andy luke makes a very good point. Personally it doesn't bother me where the funding comes from. I come on this site to speak to people that are going through the same thing and also to hopefully give advice to people especially people who are just starting there journey. I go on chat a few times very rarely speak to the chat room host and never contact gamecare. It's a good thing to have when passing time reading peoples diaries.

Congrats on making it to 38 days.

47 days.

No urges to gamble.

Still loathe the gambling industry for the destruction they cause.

Attending GA meetings when works allows, mostly been going twice a week.

Not convinced it's for me, it's a bit 'deep' if that makes sense to anyone who has attended ?

I don't relate with the 'higher power' whatsoever.

BUT if the combination of reading diaries on here, speaking on chat, and listening at ga meetings keeps me gamble free then I'm going to keep it up.

Looking forward to my holiday, first family holiday abroad for 3/4 years now, would never have managed it had I kept gambling.

Onwards and Upwards.

Well, that makes a lot of sense to me 🙂 I haven't been to GA but I'm considering it as I'm worried what the future holds once I hit my next target. I found the whole higher power 'thing' quite disturbing! I'm also quite a literal person & some of the 12 steps are not achievable in the form that they are written but day@atime & duncanmac have given me some guidance & I'm less nervous now! Being gamble free is just the start of our recovery & you looking forwards to a holiday after all this time suggests that you are forging a life for yourself away from gambling & that my friend is progress 🙂

Keep moving OAU - ODAAT

Thanks for replying ODAAT, apologies for not posting earlier but been on holiday.

67 days.

Last night of my holiday and sitting on the balcony chilling with a couple of bottles of beer.

Have had a ball past 2 weeks, as has the OH and kids.

Was a tad apprehensive prior to coming on holiday and spoke of this at my last GA meeting.

Reason was that leading up to a holiday (or large purchase (TV washing machine etc ) I would be gambling more to get more spending money / better TV etc. - as my partner had full financial control it felt odd not knowing how much we actually had, I knew we were more than okay for spending money but the 'not knowing the amount' was alien to me and threw me off balance as such.

A few people at my GA meeting related to this and commented as such that they felt the same when they first handed control to a partner, this helped immensely.

Having full control of the cash whilst we've been away has I think helped me, as I now realise and fully accept that I cannot have full control at home, it's been burning a hole in my pocket and I've been relenting to the kids wishes mostly to buying all the usual holiday tat in the shops, whereas before I'd be reluctant to waste any money, every penny was a prisoner.

There's been opportunities to gamble over the past fortnight as there's plenty casinos, bookies and gambling in the pubs here in Benidorm, I've avoided them and ensured I haven't been in the situation where it is possible to gamble.

Back home tomorrow 🙁 and may catch the online chat if not I'll be there on Sunday as will miss Saturday's as have a family party.

Happy Days 🙂

Onwards and Upwards.

74 days.

No urges to gamble.

Back to reality after my holiday, lots of good memories I would never have had had I still gambled, I look forward to many more.

Onwards and Upwards.

Day 83.

Since I've returned from my holiday I've not been to a GA meeting due to work.

I was doubting whether GA was for me or not, and work has given me the 'excuse' not to attend, the 'higher power' was a part I couldn't relate to.

I started gambling for a bit of fun but with the lure of winning money, then progressed into greed and the fun part disappeared, it was pure and simply greed to better my financial standing, buy a better car better house because that big win was just around the corner.

After years of chasing that big win it changes into routine and you know deep down you lose, you know deep down the big win is never coming but the routine of gambling takes time to break down.

I've known along the big win is never coming, difference is now I've accepted it, the money I've lost over the years is gone, it is pointless contemplating getting that back because that is nigh on impossible.

I think beating this addiction is mostly the acceptance of what you've done and to realise it is futile to continue down the gambling path.

I'm in a good place right now, I have no debt due to gambling, I have stopped thinking about 'what if' had I not gambled.

Had the football season started 2 months ago, I actually don't think I'd be here right now putting these thoughts down, I'd be standing in a bookies 10:40 on a Saturday morning plotting my days bets, and losing on FOBT's - then chasing my tail, lying and cheating to my partner, today I see the error in my ways and putting a bet on is no longer on my mind.

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.

Onwards & Upwards.

Day 91.

I never thought 3 months ago that I'd stop gambling, it was a harmless vice that the working man was entitled to wasn't it?

My life is so much better for not gambling, no lying about where I've been and why I'm home late from work, no cheating my family and depriving them of nice things to enable me to gamble, no chasing my tail and scrimping and scraping fuel and lunch money for work due to losing all my money at the weekend.

Now I don't have to worry about fuel money, lunch money etc as with not gambling I'm saving anywhere between £500-£1000 per month that I would normally blow on mind numbing roulette sessions.

Do still have the odd gambling thought but I keep thinking of those low points where you've emptied your pocket into a FOBT and the gambling urge goes away.

Onwards and Upwards.

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.

Not sure if anyone's reading these updates but I find it beneficial merely getting thoughts down on paper as such.

101 days GF.

Actually thought it was 100 today and I've already past it!

Still having the odd gambling thought but it's not a strong urge to gamble as such it's more a thought about checking football results on Saturday teatime etc, after all these years 4:45 on a Saturday was coupon checking time and marking off your losers on your betting slip, once your coupons lost its mad rush to the bookies to get the late Saturday night game on or foreign football and in doing so would involve an FOBT session chasing what's you've lost that day.

Never ending circle.

Big test this coming Friday as I've agreed to watch the football in the pub after work with my mates, I know for a fact several if not all of them will have a punt on the game, I'm determined not to relapse but I'm not looking forward to chance that someone may suggest a group bet where everyone lumps in £5 whatever on one bet to put any potential winnings into a kitty for the nights drinks.

Think this will be my biggest test to date.

Onwards & Upwards.

Welcome to the Century club Andy 14 🙂 I am reading just not every second of every day like I was! Great to see you doing so well!

If the group bet happens, you could always make a joke out of it & offer to buy a round instead so @ least you're all guaranteed a drink 😉

Recovery rocks! Keep working it - ODAAT

Thank you ODAAT.

104 days now.

Football last night saw the group I was with talking gambling prior to the game, most had bets on and when asked I simply said I don't bother gambling anymore, no one batted an eyelid and left it at that.

I was asked just prior to the game if I was wanting a bet put on and my mate could do it online through his mobile, I instantly refused and then spent the next 5 minutes thinking about it, I'm glad I never succumbed.

Have realised that it's very very easy to abstain and I need to focus on the low points of gambling to remind me to not gamble.

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.