Angel From Montgomery

And I agree with your last sentence.....

Just saw a commercial for casino gambling on the tv. An attractive blonde in a little black dress leaping in extacy at the roulette table. Lol. Got me thinking about the losers gathered at the front door waiting for the valet. Same washed out faces in jeans, tees, and sweat pants. Losers. Not, happy blondes in little back dresses leaping in extacy. Ha ha ha.... Old people in wheelchairs dragging around oxygen tanks. Dirty bathrooms. Smoked filled rooms. Zombies staring into screens maniacal tapping. Tearful rides home. Broke and broken. I deserve better than that.

It's out turn. The cycle of losers spin to winners...

If I could only believe for once. Not, fake it til I make it believe, but, believe like a child believes in Santa Claus that I could be a winner....

i was just thinking about an 8 year old that I know who is battling cancer. In two weeks we are going to Mystic Connecticut to hang out with some penguins. I guess it's kind of like swimming with dolphins only not swimming just hanging out. Anyway, I was thinking about that and the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. There's a line in there that goes something like: "I need your grace to remind me to find my own". I have more important things to do like hang out with my little friend and the penquins. No time to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Thank you, child.

According to the weather lady it hasn't been this cold since the 1950's. Thermometer said -14 this morning. One of the cars is refusing to start. That's the only casualty so far. Bertha boils and steam rises. Hail Bertha!! Three Stooges on the tv. Both hands curled around a hot cup of joe. A deep freeze is what it took to shock me out of stupid. Good medicine comes in many forms. Today, I'm taking my medicine.

Spent Valentines Day with the little girls. Sparkly heart stickers, gel pens, and of course, ice cream! In spite of the bank's stalling tactics this weekend we managed to hold onto money that was and still is earmarked for a major bill. A year ago we would have succumbed to gambling urges. We are in the process of rebuilding our relationship with money. I am not a fan of handing my money over to someone else. That may sound like a contradiction because I handed it over to the casinos for years. As Lady Gaga says: "I'm a free b baby". That's how I learn. I fall down. I get up again. When I get tired of making the same mistake over again I try something new. I have also managed to stay close to this little box. Not always easy because I would much rather isolate and run from my thoughts. I am dreading the work week but will push through it. Change is on the horizon but, not right now. For now, I keep doing what I'm doing.

More thoughts later..

Later has arrived. Must find a way to live with the dread or not dread at all. I know I'm not alone when it comes to the daily grind. Lots of folks out here myself included like getting lost in reality tv shows like Alaska the Last Frontier. There's something compelling about folks homesteading in the wilds of Alaska. Off the grid answering to no man. as compelling as that lifestyle seems I couldn't live that life. No way. So, I guess needing/ wanting the money I make for the work I do still outweighs the need/want to make a change. For now I must learn to live with "the job" and all the bull that comes with it. Will have to think about it some more..

Just a thought....

Picking out the thoughts I do understand in your diary Joan I see a love hate relationship with your line of work. It reminds me off my ex.

She was a kiwi school teacher in a inner city London. It nearly broke her, she left that industry for near on 10 years. Working for the likes of Walt Disney, a footie team and then another degree. She's now back teaching but this time loving every minute teaching 5yr olds back home. She finally found her niche and realised she can't change the world but she can make an impression from an early age...

B.s isn't easy but comes with many a territory probably even in Alaska....

Hey Sis....

I think it's time to hit interviews ☺..and we can even get promoted in 5min after getting the job!

https://youtu.be/FWnVNJCQZIg

I like your thoughts...keep close to the lil box girl..keep talking

Thanks for the encouragement Sis and Paul, you pretty much nailed it. I'm am very ambivalent about my current job. I love the teaching part but pretty much despise the company I work for. Their business practices for want of a better word suck. The reasons I stick around? Number one: the pay. number two: I still get some gratification from training adults. So true about bull too. As seemingly happy as these folks on the homestead in Alaska appear to be there is bound to be some level of bull even if it comes in the form of a big brown bear or an accident with a large piece of machinery. The patriarch on the program has been married a couple of times so, nothing is perfect anywhere. The grass is always greener... So they say.

Issue with frozen dishwasher more concerning than first thought. Hot water pouring down from ceiling in basement. Valve turned to off catastrophe averted. Thankfully I was home to manage it. Have no idea why the machine came on by itself??!! Theme from twilight zone ...

Morning Diary,

Loved the post from our honorable Duncanmac this morning! A lot of what he wrote resonated with me. P and I have exactly the same sentiments regarding valentines day and that is why we chose to spend it with our little neices this year. As for saving up for needful things -- we have a list. We are almost out of debt to a bank that I believe was a whitecollar loan shark. They spend a lot of money on "security" systems. They made it their business to monitor our spending habits. When I ran out of cash they offered me not one but THREE hight interest credit cards with cash advances on one of them up to 10 grand. Need I say more?? We ran that credit right thru the roof to the tune of 33 grand. Today, that amount is under 3 grand. 5 years to pay it off. Now, we are rebuilding our credit that was almost destroyed by our own greed and stupidity. We had to rethink and repair our relationship with money. Today, we pay for items outright and have cut up all of our plastic. Duncs, like Paul I could smell that sausage sizzling all the way from across the pond! It is the simpler things in life. Not over priced half dead roses. I ramble but you get the picture. Have to get my old carcass off to work now. No gambling today. Don't need it. Don't want it. Forgot the most important thing. The moral of the story: if you think you need or want gambling in your life something is missing. Find out what that something is and reach for it.

Got through the work day. Yay me.

Diary:

This isn't going to be every man's post but, then again I don't write for every man I write for me. For my own sanity. Today, I am grappling with anger toward a bank that will not seem to let me pay off a debt! Try as I might to be "God's little cheerful giver", I still manage to land in the cow manure! Patience joan. Breathe joan. I was six when the nuns taught me that song. God loves a cheerful giver. In other words t************e wazoo with a smile. No thank you! Today I'm angry and rightfully so. Gamble about it? ?Yeah, no. That's what got me into this f*****g mess in the first place. Don't take money from loan sharks disguised as bankers. They are worse than common thugs. Gotta get myself ready for work now. Whistle while you work. Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to work I go.