Angel From Montgomery

Hi Joan,

Thanks for your lovely message, really appreciate it:))

Yep understand the shutting down bit, as I have been doing that myself lately lol, (but it doesn't hurt to recharge the batteries of life) Infact I think we need to every so often in order to keep moving forwards, even if it's at a snail pace.

I have never heard anyone say life gets easier and more peaceful as we get older, have you :)) ?

You take care of you and keep doing it your way,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne. Oh no, life does not get easier and more peaceful.

Diary:

For the last several months I have been emotionally and spiritully lost or "sick". Nothing like a sick person wailing in the corner to bring everybody down. I can't guarantee sunshine lollipops and rainbows going forward but a weight has been lifted off of my chest. One thin I want to shout from the rooftops is that my niece is 1 year today into her treatments and still in remission. I have a watercolor portrait ( of me ) that she painted last summer hanging on my living room wall. I was slipping into thought and before allowing myself to get hooked into "it" I pulled myself back into the present and trained my gaze into that face. The one my niece sees. I thought well she's got the gray hair right but that open ear to ear smile?? That's how she sees me. For, who I really am. Not some sad sick old broken dried up peice of .... Well, anyway, it's no secret at least to me that I use these pages at times like I "use" anything else. I'm wobbly but I'm standing upright. I'm taking steps and my hope is to continue moving forward. I have a lot to live for. A lot to hope for. It's time to get on with it. -joan

How very dare you to leave the safety of your own diary :-0 lol...i am expecting to see you at my doorstep in near future ☺ (get jogging me thinks 😉 )..Sis...you're making an amazing progress and even if you don't realise it yourself yet, it is all over your posts.

Your little niece is a proof how recovery can work and how we can never ever give up the fight. I bless you both

S x

Diary:

I spent the entire weekend on my a*s with the flu. Just starting to feel human again. Had to take off a few days this week so that means no pay day. It's gonna be tight but we will manage. The kid that schedules my trainings is a bit of a tyrant. I was almost afraid to call off sick. But, call off I did. Sitting up is progress today.

Hi Sis,

Thank you for your support and touching the base ☺
As always very appreciated.
Keep looking after yourself and yes...I'm in the "bad girls club" :-D...but, sun always rises after the rain so we should just keep reaching for it me thinks. Never too late to make a change 😉

Thank you again and wish you good health and more smiles

S x

Ha ha ha ... "Baaaad Girrrls" ... Gets us out of the funk every time. Not gambling. Have no idea how many days, hours, minutes, seconds, nanoseconds, it has been. I ain't gamblin and that's enough for me at the moment. Resisting the urge to pop off? Yes, I have had a few trials but, breathing. If I don't want negativity dumped on my doorstep I need to be mindful about what I'm putting out there. I can't want serenity all the while spewing aggression. I try not to react in the heat of the moment these days. That's a lot more challenging for me than refraining from putting twenties in a slot machine. when I'm calmer and in control of my emotions I am less likely to reach for "the fix".

Hi Joan hope you are over that flu bug now.

Thanks for your lovely message,

We sure don't want negativity from our own doing at our door :))

Keep pushing through and keep safe.

Suzanne xxx

Diary:

I've had better mornings. "Life Begins" said it, but, my sentiments exactly- reaching for my diary as it has been on some days my life line and then, walking away from it feeling worse than I started. We all get "attached". None of us have mastered living in the pure present. If I obsess about something for 2 weeks then I am not moving forward. I am living in the past. Anything that makes my heart race whether it's a comment from another diarist, something Donald Trump just said, or a bad memory, I have learned that this is something I am attached to that I need to grapple with. It's f*****g personal. I need to find out what I am so attached to that I am willing to go 10 rounds. When I was a kid adults around me would often say, "choose your battles wisely". If I read something on a thread that causes me to want to scream or lash out I'm attached to it. Perhaps threatened by it. My impression of the person who said it is my problem and not theirs. It's not my duty to convince them that they are wrong or an idiot or my enemy. Likewise your impression of me is not MY problem. And yet, I do worry about what other people think of me. This is something I am working on. Lastly, high fiving is like cyber hugging. Not for everyone. I'm a hugger. ODAAT is not. We have managed to joke about it. When a high five becomes a finger up or a heil five my heart races. It's personal. When a group of like minded individuals turn into an angry mob my heart races. It's personal. Bottom line: we are all here for the very same reason. To get better. -joan

Hey Sis,

Not gonna break your heart..how could i! I love ya to pieces same as many more on here...so white flags are flying high again (phew)
Sorry i talked i riddles (must b catching...mr VVVVVVVVV 😉 )

Hey..you same as me tend to take things personal. That's one of my main issues. I do take things personally! I took so much on over the last two days that i am surprised i didn't get sack from work..box of chocs on a way there as a apology...really lost my cool...but hey..who are we? Queens?..lol..dont think so...you're more respected and loved than you can think off! We love you! (Thought repeat is necessary).
We have a right to express ourselves..we agree/ disagree..such is life! We are here after all and should be greatful!

We are all equal here..walking the walk...stumbling or loosing cool..we are still walking huh 😉

Don't know why I'm waffling on here..might as well get in that pond and swim over for a chit chat 😉

Look after yourself...respect yourself, treasure yourself.

S x

Ahhhhh...you're an amazing soul gal! Ok, no more sprinkling stuff on the backs... deal 😉

Soooooo...i suppose we have to breathe...and breathe....and breathe!

Ohhh..while I'm breathing and NOT taking anything personal i thought of this!

..
Remember the time on red carpet show
Where all celebrations was right on the go
Here you were walking with P by your side
You looked and you saw that's something's not right
You look left and you looked right
Oh d**n...all those (brown) sculptures just lying around!
How did you feel at that precise time?
As far as we know you laughed till ya pee*ed! " (nothing to do with bladder this time 😉 )

☺..remember remember...and smiiilllleeeeee

🙂 !!!!

Ok diary today is the day that I get up out of this bed and commence cleaning. There are fuzzy things gathering on the floor that are bigger than my dogs. Spring is finally here and I have a to do list as long as my arm. True Duncs there is a time for thinking and then there is a time for doing. A time for every purpose under heaven. I think I will attack the tub first..

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late. love that 'American' song ha ha. no offence intended, love lots of things from the US of A especially your wit and comon sense when I lose mine.

Have been on the computer all morning even FBing to avoid tasks, my last expenses claim from work awaits, searching for the motivation other than I could use the cheque for gambling haha. Right off to do some doing.

Stay safe and hugs to you both xxx

Morning Diary:

Stress:

Worried about 8 year old niece. She had a dose of chemo injected into her spine and is having a terrible time coping with the side effects. I feel useless. All I can do is support her mom.

Agitated because my 81 year old mom is fighting about going to her adult day program. All I'm asking for is a few hours so that I can clean the house.

Dread over next week. P has to go away on business. It was unplanned and throws a monkey wrench into the works.

Dread over training next week. I have got myself all upset over the tyrant. A young lady with a blonde pony tail.

Now that I have listed all of this I can see how manageable my life really is. No catastrophes. Nothing I cannot handle.

The child is receiving the best possible medical care - out of Boston.

Mom is old and resistant to any changes in her routine. She will be ok and the house will get cleaned. Maybe, I can relax the standard a bit. It doesn't have to be sterilized.

P's work takes her out of town a lot. I'm not helpless.

The little tyrant? Lol. I have survived much worse.

Worry and dread are pretty useless to me. I will focus my energies on what I can change and not bother bother until bother bothers me.

A little girl who loves you so much that one of your ear to ear smiles would probably help her more than you can imagine (she won't want you to be sad)!

Your 81 year old has been 'bloody minded' plenty of times before...You have always figured it out!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...Why not plan a special walk or a special meal to give you something to look forward to when she gets home?

& as for little Blondie, you gotta make allowances (sorry everyone I'm about to insult)...She's blonde 😉

You keep working on that focus - ODAAT