Hey, P here. It's a shame that the actions, mean spiritedness, childish/ schoolyard bullying mentality of some drive the good guys away. But I guess that story is as old as time. Isn't it? It's a wonder how some adults continue to take joy from bullying and poking instead of showing compassion and strength. I suppose that is what is wrong with the world. Both globally and in this small "community". If everyone would act their age maybe we could all move on from whatever it is that dogs us in the first place. I have always lived by the thought that people are generally good and they do the best that they can at any given time. Well.... I guess I was wrong about that. Not the first or the last time my general optimism has bitten me in the a*s. To those who have supported Joan for so long- thank you. You have been an amazing. To those who seem to be stuck at age 13- all the best to you. I'm sure you are doing the best with what you have.
So saying I'm not trying to fix you is bullying and poking is it ? Ok I'll leave it there then , sorry guys but you've a strange way of looking at things . P and Joan I wish you both well and hope you find the happiness you seek . Xx
I know having the last word is very important to you. You make that very clear. Challenge yourself and refrain from writing to her. Silence is golden Alan. Goodnight. -P
Oh Alan, dear sweet Alan well meaning happy Alan. You can have the last word. P thank you! That's love in the real. And Btw this is probably why people go to admin wishing to have everything they have ever contributed erased. Relax buddy. The forum is all yours. Go ahead write something else. You just don't get it..
PS if you write on your own diaries I can choose not to read it. When you write all over mine I have no choice.
Ok I will Joan , I apologise if I've offended you it wasn't my intention at all , I was well meaning despite what you may think to the contrary , like I said earlier I'm not able to fix anybody but I truly wish I could sometimes , your right I am happy and I guess that sometimes comes across wrongly in my posts , most get it but I guess not everyone does and maybe it gets lost in translation sometimes and I do come across a bit imature , I know your both hurting because of recent events and can empathise with that but that really doesn't give you the right to be rude to someone that's genuinely pnly offering support , one CG to another . I won't bother you again nor post on your diary but despite what you both may think of me , I really do wish you well in recovery . Best wishes and apologies again
A good nights sleep is so good for one's mental health. Sleep well friends -P
Exactly... So, P, according to daddy we are acting out because we slipped last week. Wasn't it kind and caring of dad to bring that up? He wasn't being passive aggressive. He is a very caring helpful man, our dad... Nite nite
Diary:
Alan, if you are reading I am sorry for snapping. It's not my true nature to be snarky. I lost it. I just wanted to close out my diary and it felt like you were dogging me. I don't want to leave on a sour note. I'm not a huge fan of yours but that doesn't mean I have to spew nasty remarks in your direction. I apologize and now just want to leave this space behind. It's 10:30pm here over the pond and we turn in early. Good Night GamCare and goodbye. And, P was just doing what any partner would do. She knew I was upset and was only trying to help..
.
Just caught up with this Joan.
As I've said previously, it will be sad to see you go and im hoping if anything it will be just a time out.
When I returned to this forum earlier in the year, there was a few diarys that attracted me back. Yours being one of them.
I had intended to follow suit and just internalise my thoughts and not get caught up in using this forum as a general conversation diary.
Then I found myself genuinely liking some writers and bringing a smile upon my face. You being one of them and making me think. So, thank you.
If we're all the same, this would be a very sad world. That was one of my ex's fav sayings when she was reigning me back in from being wound up by some one.
You've always come across as someone who travels the high road well, keep on that path and keep well.
Paul
..jeeezzz.. nearly had panic attack thinking your diary dissapeared :-(...I found it tho ☺
Just coming by to give a wave over the pond tell ya that I'm thinking of you! Keep on keeping on girls and i shall keep an eye out for any updates.
Hugs Sis
S x
Hello Diary,
Taking a break is good. Of course plenty of life went on. I didn't want to present an ASL training and almost called out sick but, I didn't. I pushed through it and I am glad that I did. I had a very difficult conversation with mom the other day. She initiated. She wanted to process some of our past. She and I have some "stuff". It was very difficult to do but today I'm glad we did it. I have a better understanding and deeper appreciation for what it must have been like for her to be married to my father. I'm worried about some upcoming medical appointments. Not mine. Patrice's. She has a history and every time she goes I worry. My little neice will be coming for a sleep over tomorrow night. Saturday will be the zoo and pumpkin festival. In March she will have completed 2 years of chemo treatments for leukemia. Then we hold our breaths and pray it doesn't come back. She is the bravest person I know. When she is sixteen she and I will go to Kenya and have breakfast with giraffes. She said she will hold me to that promise. Sixteen... She will be 9 this coming January. It's hard some days to not get caught up in the sorrow. It's ok to feel it though. Sometimes I think that recovery is like that one tin soldier that got away. Many stake their claims on it but, recovery speaks for itself. That's all I'm gonna say about that. My metaphors don't always fly on here.. Suffice to say, she lights on my shoulder some days and sits patiently outside of my window on other days. What is clearer to me now, is that I am worthy. I always was. Sunday is mom's birthday. She will be 82. Next week is another work week and the beat goes on... These days I continue working on: Being present. Being patient. Being honest with myself. Being authentic around others. Being open and compassionate. Not being too hard on myself when I make a mistake. Getting a hold on my anger before I say or do something I regret. Not running away from challenging days and people. It's seems more and more like the pony tailed tyrants in my life are there for a reason. I learn the most from these folks.
You learn from the pony tailed tyrants and I learn from you. Good to have you back 🙂
Joanie is back elllllOo,
A bit of a footie chant there Joan.
A bit confused though, will you be chewing leaves with the giraffes ? Or do they like a good fry up ?
Good to see you posting again Joan
Sis!!!
Yeeehhaaahhhhh indeed! Keep posting and sharing, good to see you back & your posts are ones of the most valuable ones to this mind ☺...
No shades...just pure feelings and emotions!
Proud of you
Stay safe & sound
S x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
