Angel From Montgomery

DIary:

Stressed over a sick lovebird. If this bird dies I'm going to have a very heartbroken niece on my hands. We made an appointment for Thursday with an avian vet. Stressed over aging parent who cannot wrap her mind around generic vs brand named meds. She thinks there is a conspiracy going on between her nurse practitioner and pharmacist. She came downstairs last night and went into a tearful tirade about Tylenol. She apparently took two tablets from the bottle and one hour later she still had pain in her hip. The pain must be from the tablets that are allegedly Tylenol only they are not. Not because they are the generic version of Tylenol but because the evil nurse practitioner is deliberately withholding treatment. Her pain is not due to arthritis and sciatica. It is due to the mystery tablets she consumed. When her pain is severe she was instructed to take gabapentin. She has decided that gabapentin is witch's brew and refuses to take it. I took the path of least resistance and picked up a jumbo sized bottle of brand named Tylenol and placed it on her night stand. Normally I'm consumed by self consciousness about my appearance. I was so shelled by this point that I walked into the pharmacy in my pajamas and slippers. The job takes. The aging parent takes. The poor little sick bird takes. My battery needs recharging. There is a song I'm thinking of that Carly Simon wrote for a Nora Ephron story/screenplay. Can't think of the name of it.. it goes something like "but I believe in love and it's coming around again". The movie was called Heartburn.. yup that's what it must be..

Just had to say hi Judy...so identify with anxiety you expressed in #2600...my father has dementia, I was letting it control me. Now I remind myself that I do not have dementia, I need to make decisions what is right for me. Hope you are having a good day.

Hey Sis,

Hope calmer waters on the way & you and all your family are feeling at peace ☺

Heh..dress code! I like it lol. I am kind of used to my gym kit by now...even if not able to go out for a jog! Who cares...my house - my rules ;-).....& poor new neighbours lol.

Catch you soon girl, keep on trucking - one day at a time

S x

Hiya,

Just been reading your last few posts. There is sooo much I could comment on, but I guess I better keep that for my own diary. But in a nut shell I would say this. I think that the feelings of powerlessness of us "the people" has become much more pronounced over recent decades. I think it is very much the case that a bunch of very rich and very powerful mostly men seek to impose there will on humanity and certain events in recent history demonstrate this to be true. In a way I can undertsand your mothers paranoia. There is an argument that drug companies are indeed working against us rather than for us. Do we really know for sure whats in these tablets we eat??

Glad to hear that your keeping clear of gambling, I continue to struggle... but it is what it is.

Regards

S.A

Thank you for my lovely hugs Joan 🙂

Recovery is hope my dear friend & it's a marathon not a sprint...Not even one of those fun ones where you set off with a bunch of equally derranged people & drag yourself to the end, it's a never ending one where we do stumble & fall & sometimes need help to keep going. Don't be scared to reach out & take a hand, I know you are a stubborn old witch like me but we're soft inside & things hurt us just as much as they do others.

This life is our one shot, we owe it to ourselves not to let addiction steal one more moment of it - Kelly

Wow... I think I must be a f*****g robot..

Can't post! Grrrrrrr

Diary,

Didn't realize we had to do the robot test for every entry. Wrote a post but it disappeared into the ether. Oh well. Thanks Kelly. Your words ring true. Sadly, poor choices have featured in the recent past. Recently as this past weekend. Not here grieving any losses. Not looking for any sympathy. Just going through the motions today. Changes are on the horizon and changes always freak me out.

You know where i am. Don't suffer in silence ((((J))))

Sozzz...some sympathy here but what the hell, deal with it woman!

☺ xx

Ps.I'm robot too ;-)....but was nicely surprised seeing LT street signs lol..not if i could see them right tho...skip skip skip

Thanks Sis

Diary:

My sister-in-law posted a pic from her wedding. 30 years have passed. Standing next to my brother was my other brother Ed. I was thinking that when it comes to Ed's death I tend to bounce between sadness and anger. I thought some more and realized that I have a layer of fear and resentment that tends to hold me in anger and or sorrow. I hold on. A few winters back we bought a snow blower. I remember taking her out on her maiden voyage. I was plowing along and then for some reason needed to stop. I was heading for the street. Instead of gently releasing the brake i froze and held on. The machine was dragging me into the street (and traffic) and I held on. I could hear Patrice screaming inthe distance "just let go ffs" ha ha. Exactly. So easy. So hard. Why?

Diary:

In spite of our efforts the little lovebird died. I wanted to run away to the casino. The money was there. I could if I really wanted to. I didn't. I don't need a ticker tape parade down main street. Life can be so cold sometimes. It can be pure s**t. RIP Paradise (Parry).

Oh no Hun 🙁

So sorry to hear it. RIP Parry.

(((((((J)))))))

Thank you for your unconditional support Sis. It means more than you will ever know. Continued faith in humanity for starters.. xx

Diary,

Today, I made the choice to sit with the sadness. So, I won because I didn't start. And, I feel awake. The feelings are raw but, they are real. Keeping it real then, one breath at a time.

Diary:

My old friend Grief has lighted in for a visit. I could leave her a note saying "out to lunch" or, "gone fishin" but, I won't. I will be a gracious host and show her the utmost hospitality. I hope she will be a lady and not outstay her welcome. Sitting with hard raw emotions is difficult and painful. The clarity that comes along as a result is almost impossible to describe. The wound can't heal unless it is kept clean. Gotta go. Grief calls..

Hi Sis,

Welcome Grief and stay with her. Just for a moment. Don't push her, rush her or make her feel unwelcome. She will know when time comes to go ☺...

I was told interesting piece the other day. "Look at your feet. Where are you? What you're feeling now? What can you do about it and how can you let sad emotions go. Do you have to let them go? Why don't you stay with them and let them pass? Don't look further away than you need to. Here and now....look at your feet and accept your being"

It will get better.

JFT - ((((((J)))))) xx