Angel From Montgomery

Good Morning Diary ( a guilt free shame free zone)

80 Days until Halloween!

Stay gamble free! -joanxxxx

Hey Joan,

I believe weekend goes well for you and you keep yourself occupied;-)

Day at a time, keep going strong

All the best

Sandra x

Thanks for the support Sandra.

Diary:

Sunday and I managed to get thru this payday weekend so far without one tap. Not too shabby. Am I dreading work tomorrow? Yeah probably but, so are most people I know. Am I a little restless? Yeah, but, I am not sick and laying in a bed somewhere praying for death to take me. I think I can stand being with myself today. That's good enough for now. -joanxxxx

Yo,

Just popped in to see how you were diddling .

Well done getting through pay day , hope works not been tooooooooo bad .

Keep your chin up Hun,

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Hey Shiny. Great to hear from you and that you are looking "10 years younger". That's what you get for making a life saving decision and acting on it. That takes guts. Mug of joe way up -- cheers to you Shiny. BTW, my chin is way up this morning.. thanks! (((S)))

Diary: Good morning Friday. Got thru the worst day of the week that dreaded Thursday night -- my brain is pretty much programmed to start urging at exactly the same time that I get off of work or the beginning of a weekend. I managed to push thru it and I woke up this morning feeling invigorated and proud of myself. I have money in my pocket some self control and a revitalized sense of purpose. What I mean by all of that is; I do not feel as if I am free falling. I think that grief was a large part of my relapse. I tried on ALOT of excuses but, I know that feeling stuck in sadness, and survivor's guilt may have been the culprit. As soon as P gets up we will formulate a plan for this day. The only day that matters. Since I cannot live as if tomorrow will never come I must also have a plan for the rest of the weekend. So, it goes as follows: Tomorrow is a relaxing day at the lake with food, fun, family,friends and thier children. Sunday, is our day to do all of our household chores. Monday although I am off will have no opportunity because without P to do the driving I simply won't bother. I am not currently counting days but am keeping an eye on payday weekends. Lastly, we managed to get the entire exterior of the house painted and we managed to pay for it in cash. I no longer do anything on credit. We are making incredible strides in our recovery in spite of slips and relapses along the way. For me abstinence will always be the only way out of this mess. When I am not gambling I am stronger, and wealthier in the monetary "cents" and in the spiritual "sense". It is good to feel in balance with my mind and soul today. 🙂 joanxxxxx

Joan.

Today I salute you my friend.

Great post to read.

For it i thank you for sharing.

Enjoy it for all it's worth.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

I can feel your renewed vigor. Good for you Hun.

You know we said before Rome was not built in a day .

But believe me when I say , you are making and continue to make leaps forward in your recovery .

Slowly slowly catchy monkey 🙂

Proud of you ! ( as you should be yourself!)

Shiny xxxxxx

Thanks Duncs and Shiny!! Just a few words: Hang in there Shiny. You are doing the right thing -- this is a life saving change for you. Your husband may not know it yet but, it may be a life saving one for him too. Sometimes we just need to trust. Look at me. ha ha I don't trust anyone. Well, I'm a work in progress.... Duncs, stand proud. I could go on about addiction and abstinence but, you know already. You know what the score is. I read your posts every day. Keep doing what you are doing and being you....

Diary: Good Morning Saturday. We made it thru another challenging day. The day itself was lovely it's just that the weekend is a major trigger for us. We did a huge amount of work in the yard and sat back with satisfaction at how good it is starting to look. I look back and think of all of the time we wasted sitting in that stinking casino and letting our home go unattended to. I would not say neglect but, we were certainly on our way. I always seem to find the the money to waste in a slot machine but, can howl and moan about buying a lawn mower or painting the house or buying my mom a little something extra. Probably because on some level I am plotting my next bank roll for a gambling stint. Living and working to gamble sucks. That is just plain horse sh it. I do not miss that at all. Too many times I came home busted and dejected. I have too many other things to do. Some days I am driven to do it and, I hate that feeling the most. I want to be able again to do something because I want to not because I am driven like a mindless robot. Giving in to that first urge or making that first trip to the casino spells disaster for me. Plain and simple. This summer we were able to do some landscaping and painting. P's birthday is next month so my plan is to save up enough to buy her a refurbished i-pad that she has been asking for. Today, we are off to the lake and it's a gorgeous day for it. Fall is already in the air and that is my favorite season. I have a ton of things to be *** ed off about but, I probably have 10 tons of things to be grateful for. I can set my own coarse. I can ride into a storm or into a beautiful sunset. Like Duncs said in one of his latest posts. All I have to do is say no. So, I am saying it. Have a great day everybody. -joanxxxx

Hey Judy,

Wow, what a positive post darling! That's it,it don't take alot to take the most of this life and enjoy yourself. Simple things like gardening, going to the lake, sunshine.....darling, YOU ARE DOING IT!

Fantastic...i am very happy for you. Make the most of your weekend. Fresh air is very good medicine for wellbeing ( not like stinkng casino halls)

You doing great and keep it up my friend!

All the best

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra!

Diary: Sunday. Absolutely beautiful outside. Not a single cloud in the sky. I have 800 bucks in my pocket because I did not gift it to a stinking casino this weekend. That means I won. On top of that my brother figured out that he should be contributing to his mother's care and guess what? Another monetary windfall. Mom's quality of life is about to improve. The universe is abundant and I have cleared the sh it from my ears and eyes and can once again appreciate that fact. Life is not and has not always been a picnic but, being awake to embrace the happy moments to the fullest is what sobriety is all about for me. When life tosses me that occasional shi t brick, and it will, what I have managed to learn during ever lengthening periods of sobriety will hopefully help me survive the storm. They say, whoever they are lol, that what does not kill us will make us stronger. I happen to believe that is true. -joanxxxxx

'Whatever doesn't kill you, can only make you stronger'- indeed my friend:-)

Well done on your continued abstinence, maybe think about nice little treat for yourself in this lovely weather:-)

Take care and keep fighting the good fight!

Sandra x

Diary: Monday

We made it thru the weekend without a visit to the casino. And that is newsworthy because that has not happened for a long time. My work week begins tomorrow and then I will have about 2 weeks off. September and October are my favorite months so, I welcome the time off. Being idle might suck a little but the way my brain operates I am never really bored lol. Not much else to say today. I look forward to lolling around the house and doing the usual. My word for the day is: Mindfulness. My job for today is to try to do every chore mindfully. Not as easy as one might think. -joanxxxx

Yo,

Recon that will be the first weekend of many !

Amazing mind set you have at the moment and that my dear friend deserves a big fat high five .

I myself have the shiniest bathroom in the whole of world (ok maybe not the whole world) having got up at the *** of dawn so top that lol

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

Hey Joan ..

Thanks for popping in babes ..lol lol xx

Not sure of you remember one of my many many posts a few months ago on CODA ..codeps anonymous..

Melodie Beattie who wrote the best seller "Co-dependent No More" is herself an ex alcoholic and drug addict.

Her belief is that underneath all addiction is co-dependency that is the root emotional cause.

My own Coda group was made up of adult children of alcoholics like me, recovering alcoholics with many years sobriety who wanted to peel off more layers and also many from n*******s anon..again long time clean and also over eaters and also s*x and love addicts anonymous !!!

Wow..imagine THAT meeting ...lol lol ...

By coincidence our group was 20 women but in other areas men also attended ..so we decided to make it a closed women's group ...and we go on retreats to the Nunnery for 3 days a year ...art therapy, midnight 12 step meets in our PJs and also many teddy bears and hot chocolate ..lol ..

I think codepedancy is something that could make a lot of sense to you Joan just even for reassurance when there are things that some days you feel alone with..

For me its definitely the right group ....one retreat we had to bring something in our lives we had felt we had not had or felt we had missed out on or lacked in ourselves ...

One woman brought a Barbie Doll as she said she had never felt pretty ...I brought vintage Action Man called " Will" as a representation of a strong male role model which I lacked ...

When we broke for supper ...we came back to find Will and Barbie had been placed in a very embarrassing position!!!!..lol ...

That's Nuns for ya!!!

R and D xx

Hi Joan,

Just popping in2 say I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

Have a gr8 day xx