Better to Ramble than Gamble.

I know you have had your problems in the past. But that post shows what a great bloke you have become. Proud of you mate.

When your out tonight get yourself a nice cheese and onion (cob)

Thanks for stopping by, I really appreciate it. And yes, I hear you. Taking action is what it's about.

Well Martin fair play to you for dealing with the whole ex and new partner thing with dignity. For what it's worth I agree with you that the 1st introduction he has with your son shouldn't be an overnight stay, I'm sure a coffee and a bite to eat would suffice! Remember it's what's best for your son at the end of the day and maybe ask him what he thinks? I'd be pretty sure he would prefer a light introduction as opposed to an overnight stay also.

Keep playing the pool buddy!

All the best

Not had a bet today or since my last post.

Sat watching soccer Saturday with Jeff and the boys. It used to be normal Saturday routine. Don't normally watch anymore and have just turned over because it's messing with my head a bit today, not that I'm going to gamble even if I wanted to I couldn't, only £4 on me and more blocks than a Lego factory so nowhere is available to place a bet.

I don't know if it's because I'm coming upto a year gamble free but I'm reminiscing about this time last year. Boy was I in deep the walls where closing in,

I actually won 2k on my last soccer Saturday weekend and also just missed out on another 4K with a late equaliser. That happens, I wasn't complaining when I got a later goal just before it to win the 2k. If they had both come in I would have had the money I need to finish paying the wedding off, I like to think I would have done it and I might be married now, even if I did it wouldn't have been the right way to begin married life and I would if still had a mountain of debt to sort out. And I would of only been back on it the day after the wedding,if not on the day itself.

The 2k I won didn't touch the sides of what I needed only one thing I could think of, reinvest it lol invest what a joke.

I was up no down for the next few days till Wednesday my birthday went out for a birthday meal a few beers while all the time I had my head buried in my phone, refreshing ever 2 seconds like it didn't auto refresh quick enough, obviously the last roll of the dice never came in, I went big, all or nothing I thought I had no choice. I did but couldn't see it then

I remember laying in my bed that night looking at the ceiling knowing the next day I had to come clean. I was actually talking to my ex as she lay at the side of me fast asleep, apologising for what I had done begging her for forgiveness. Thinking will this be my last night in this bed, I knew the answer.

I got up went to work considered trying for another payday loan but realised it was pointless, if i got £200 quid I'd need to lump it all on a long shot or big acca and she had already said she wanted to sort the banking out that night, pay off what we had to and see what was left, which was f**k all.

She called me on lunch as per normal, I hadn't intended to tell here then but it just came out, a moment of silence while she comprehended the bombshell I had just delivered over the phone while she was at work, what a cowards way to do it. I'll never forget what she screamed at me "YOU EVIL DESPICABLE B*STARD" amongst others

You know if someone came up to me and said here's 10k you can go back to that day and carry on pay for the wedding, get married. I don't think I would, I just could not carry on being the decitful person I was. I'd only have been delaying the inevitable I'd have carried on gambling and gone on to ruin things.

I can't go back to gambling it cost me so much but Ive learnt so much more over the last year I can actual look at myself in the mirror now, it might not be the prettiest reflection but it is an honest one.

That turned into a ramble but I'll take that anytime rather than a gamble

KTF

That brought a tear to my eye. I know it didn't work out with your ex but this journey seems to have given you so much and your kindness, integrity, and character shine thru on all your posts. Have a great gamble free weekend.

Cathyx

Blimey, this site never ceases to amaze me.
I've just been reading all your posts from number #702
Life sometimes takes us on one heck of a journey.
I agree with what Amom said in the last post 'your kindness, integrity and character does shine through' as you help others (myself included) on the journeys of our own.
Wishing you happiness and contentment for the future.

Hey you...
That ramble post as you called it 716
Made me bleedy cry !
Mahooosuve respect to you Mart. ..all those feelings ...all those words. ...most of us can remeber them well....youve come a million miles.....top man x

Great post mate. It's truly amazing how far you have come in just a year.
I've also stopped watching Geoff and the boys. I just watch the live matches and I don't watch most of the match just flicking
Well done bud stay strong I know you will x

And so the count down begins. .
You may not want a fuss made ...but you bleedy deserve your story to be shouted from big Ben !
Sooooo
4 MORE SLEEPS !
: )
X

Honest really honest thread (716), tears in my eyes oldham, what this s....y addication can do to people. Catch u later mate.

Not had a bet today or since my last post.

Thanks for the comments it was never meant to be a deep post. This next one might be another lol

The last post was the start of a bit of a realisation that I'm in this for the long haul. When I started this part of my life i thought I'd go to GA for a few weeks make everyone happy keep my head down and I'd be back having a controlled bet in a few weeks. How wrong was I, no quick fix. I'm in this for life I'll always be compulsive

This time last year I sat coincidentally in the same chair I sat in tonight at GA and poured my heart out. I left feeling like a pregnant elephant had been lifted of my chest, refreshed and rejuvenated.

The same happened tonight, ive been bottling a few bits up over the last couple of weeks. Felt good to get if all out just like my first meeting I left on a high

I'll start with the ex, a couple of things happened yesterday, firstly she received a letter from tax credits saying they have information that I still live there, well we know that's not true lol. I do still have a few bills in my name there which won't help and the smoking gun is my wages still goes into the account and the mortgage is still in both our names. You can see my wage going in and what's left after our agreement being taken out for me. I have some letters from this address but no utilities due to it being my mums. We'll get as much info as we can and send it off to prove in not living there and take it from there.

The other thing is the ex is introducing my son to her new fella this weekend and feels it is acceptable for her new guy to have a sleepover she has said he will be sleeping on the couch, yeah right. I feel the first time he meets him it should be a day out and then go home and my son to spend the night with his Mum. She has spoke with my son about it and he has said he's ok about it, tbh I think he will say anything to see his Mun happy again. The upshot is he is staying with me in Sunday night after a frank exchange of views

After a couple of weeks I set myself a target of 90 days after completing that I was onto a years target, I've heard of people who have started to gamble again as they approach a milestone. I thought nothing of it but can see why, im not going to gamble so dont worry it's scary it feels like you've achieved your goal but I know it's just another day in this life. I'm nowhere near recovered if I ever will be who knows. What i do know is I'm a far better person I was than this time last year while the addiction is progressive so is recovering I'll keep working at it ODAAT. Going to set myself a new goal of completing the calendar year over on the 2016 challenge.

Still struggling with the mixed emotions my birthday on Friday and 365 days gamble free but also knowing that it also the anniversary of my world turning upside down. Think I'm going to make room for them both a good dose of reflection followed by a pat on my back.

KTF

P.s you've got to love my mum she's popped her head in and said did you enjoy your Tuesday beer, obviously I did then she told me with a big smile she went out special to get them as she had none in. Been a rock can't thank her enough.

Not had a bet today or since my last post.

well just had my second wet shave of the year and that's means a wedding or funeral. Unfortunately it's for a funeral, well 2 funerals.

Both the good kind of funeral if they is one, both have had a good long life and been suffering for a while, so I will take some comfort from that.

Both have been family friends for over 50 years. Not going to be easy to fit them both in one at the crem at 11 and then onto the second I think we will miss the church service but should be able to get to the burial. Back to the first wake for a while then into the second one.

With all that going on they will be no time to gamble.

KTF

Will be Thinking of you mart. .
Not a good day love...but like you said...no more suffering...so take comfort in that...
Raise a glass to them my love...
The wheels of time stops for knowbody. ...
That's why were blessed to have reached recovery Mart. ...we've got a chance to make a difference ..for ourselfs. ..and those around us...xx

Sad times Oldham but from what you say they both sounded like they had a good innings and will be at peace now.

As loxxie said...raise a glass for them and celebrate their lives.

All the best
Damo

Hey Oldham, hope the day goes as well as it can, just wanted to say thank-you for the post on my diary, for me it's bad news, another bout of the gambling addication has hit me, so I am away from here for a while, just can't bring myself to repeat the same old sad depressive threads to the forum. I will be back when the contributions i make to this forum, can be backed up by actions.