Cape Fear

This is an interesting topic, I guess the nuts and bolts are I'm scared of putting my kids through what I had to endure, I'm scared I'll end up alone, I'm scared I'm too broken to fix, I'm scared that regardless of the work I put in I'll end up relapsing and I'm scared I can never be my true self because the labels I've stuck on myself 

Hi Jake

That's powerful to admit those things out loud and I know you are working through them but it will take time of course. I think you should be proud of all the work you've done and how you have progressed. We can only ever change ourselves 

Good day,  I think Jake summed up my fears perfectly, I have very similar thoughts.  I am scared of my own shadow most of the time.  I am scared even to mix with friends and family, if negative conversations come up, gossip or unkind speech, it puts me over the edge.  I can't cope with it and fester all day. It makes me feel depressed, I don't even know why. Like today, I prefer to sit in all day, watching sport,  looking after my cat and googling.  I actually feel safe doing this.  I don't tend to receive any triggers when I am on my own, just doing my own thing. My triggers are stress and anxiety and being stressesd about my anxiety.  I can't do anything wrong, when I sit on my own. 

Just one question, a touch off subject.  I would like to do the twelve steps, do I work on one per day or per week.  Is there a simpler version, with explanations, I can follow, I find the wording a bit hard to follow.

Have a lovely day, the weather is nice here.

Kylie.

Hi Kylie

It's rubbish down on the south coast, cold and windy.

In case you haven't googled this, the 12 steps were originally the 6 steps of the Oxford group in the 1920s. Bill W and others were members of the Oxford group and set up alcoholics anonymous in the 1930s in America. In the 1950s Gamblers Anonymous was formed in America and around 20 years later, The reverend moody was instrumental in setting up GA in the UK. The GA side has changed on the 12 steps to move away from God being everyone's higher power, to that higher power being what ever it means to you. 

The 12 steps aren't solely about gambling, they are more about addiction as a whole. If you work through them and continue to practice them, then it should remove the compulsion to gamble but no guarantees.

The 12 steps are used in over 50 different addiction fellowships. All you have to do is find a GA meeting and start attending. Most say who can sponsor you but if not you ask the chair of the meeting. All meetings run differently so you just need to find which ones work for you. In my case I've been to 8 different ones and 7 were ideal for me so I go to 3 each week and sometimes 4.

It costs nothing. In my line of sponsorship, the 12 steps takes a minimum of 6 months but can take longer as they need to be done thoroughly. It's around one hour of work per day and my sponsor guides me through. It costs nothing, just time and effort. I'm on step 4 and it's already completely changed my life. 

Thank you Stuart, I understand, I would like to see if I can find a sponsor.  I will also look at GA meetings in my area.  I did go to AA, they talked about it there, I only went once but it was so overwhelming I cried the whole way through and couldn't return.  

Thanks for all your advice.  I do want to get well.

Kylie.

Hi Kylie

Do you think you could handle a GA meeting ? They are all very different but many are so welcoming and a real family once you get to know them

@lp5vut869c yeh certainly am working through them and day by day I find new parts of myself I didn't know I had Insodr the journey of self discovery is beautiful and makes it easier. I have learnt so things I simply can't change and have to accept and some things o simply cannot accept and have to work on change and that's a message I use almost daily to keep myself grounded and steady

Hi Jake

Have you tried any grounding methods at all ? For instance walking outside on grass barefoot especially when it's cold. Feeling the grass at your feet and concentrating on that feeling ? Also the 5 4 3 2 1 method ?

@lp5vut869c I haven't but for sure can have a look, my therapist has pretty much said all my issues will resolve as I come to accept the version of myself I am not who I want to become, while changing is great because we can all change for the better don't get stuck looking at the new version you want to be accept and love the version you are now first and we are working on methods of doing that, including TA, and using my midbrain