Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Just to add this debate.

I've worked in statistics before and something that should be relatively random with a small house edge has incredible swings of consecutive wins and losses - too many to be nothing more than chance.

An example, when I really was stupid, was when I was putting on ridiculously high £200 bets on Blackjack. I think I lost 13 or so consectutive hands, each one I predicted my opponents score correctly i.e. 21 - yes 21 for EVERY hand. I dropped to £1 bets and extraordinarly, got 3 consecutive blackjacks. Of course, the losing streak continued as soon as I increased my stake again. Every time I go on the 'free play' Blackjack Casino, I go from 5,000 to 100,000 - EVERY TIME.

But then again, after the amount I've gambled, then perhaps it's not all too surprising.

It's all s * i t if you ask me. People up to their eyeballs in debt, fighting their addictions, whilst trying to keep a family together, and keeping a job and source of income.

Completely unregulated advertising encouraging people to throw their money, their livelihoods, their families, their jobs, and their dignity down the drain. It's easy for me to say this, but it breaks my heart to hear my 9 year-old son talking about Gambling, putting bets on etc, and not because I'm a CG - he has no idea of this, but due to the constant advertising presented to him. He even tried to record Red or Black the other night - he's 9 for f*cks sake.

Oh yes, and that was Day 5

Day 6

Bad day with my OH today.

She's working her 6hrs days this week in her minimum wage job. 8pm starts and I'm having to wake her up at 06:30 and she gets incredibly snappy and aggressive with me - anything less than 9hrs sleep/night for her and I tend to keep out of her way !

I could write books about the inequalities in our relationship, but she has very aggressive tendencies, so the slightest hint of any constructive criticism, then it's pistols at dawn I'm afraid - so I bite my lip and live with it.

When I told her last time of my gambling, she supported me in so much as she didn't leave me. This time around, I think that she senses some financial difficulties, but this doesn't stop her from spending money left right and centre. As she often playfully suggests, I earn it, she spends it - and how true this is.

As I write this, I have 2hrs of work ahead, by OH is in bed asleep, but I have been 'ordered' to wake her up at 0630 tommorrow morning.

Day ?

Oh what am I doing. For the 2nd time in 7 days. Ok, I quit when I was ahead at about £1200 up, although on a slippery slope - £1900 up at one stage. Whatever anger I had last week about throwing more money away has now been laid to rest. CC#1 will be settled and closed, CC#2 will be reduced. But that's all the online Casinos are going to give me and I realise that this now has to be the end.

I can go through the reasons and excuses again and again and again, but it doesn't change the fact that in the last 7 days, I've undone 3 months of hard work. I've been EXTREMELY lucky to come out of this unscathed.

As far as my sanity is concerned, this didn't happen - it was a blip that reminded me of the horrors of gambling.

I'm promising myself now that this is the end. I jump on the bandwagon, and as far as I'm concerned, the last 7 days were a lesson and the kick up the backside I needed. Aiming for 100 days Gamble-free in 2011 and I WILL do it.

Day 2

Recovering after a nightmare week. Looking forward to getting this to 100days, 200days, 500days and 1000days. Keeping my chin up and my head down.

Day 3

Had a great money-making idea. No outlay required, no-risk, just lots of work. Something new to occupy my mind. I'll give this a go for a few months to see how it goes.

Day 4

Decent positive day today.

Day 5

No gambling thoughts. Mind awash with ideas for my new 'venture'. Also, going to get the money to pay off CC#1 tommorrow. Things looking much better now. Need to get as much distance from my last 'blip' as possible and hoping that if I do ever reach the same position I did last week, I will not have so much debt stress pushing me over the line.

this is not easy ...i am 21 days without a bet and happy to say that ...cashflow is poor but am just surviving .. best of luck with this

richard

Day 6

Still have the thoughts of last weeks highs and lows on my mind. Need to keep, rested, focussed and happy. I know that as the days tick by, those feelings will diminish. Week 1 is the trickiest.

Keep at it, mate. Living our lives one day at a time is how to beat this - although it is tiring and bloody hard work.

I was nearly two years clean until last month - but since then I've fallen off the wagon in spectacular fashion.

I read through most of your diary the other day, and found it inspiring - so I've decided to start a new diary.

Lets beat this f****r once and for all

Day 7

Cheers f/2.8 (interesting name!),

Exactly the same thing happened to me this January, basically undone all of the good work of the last 2 years. Managed to go a few months without a gamble, and then fell off again April, May, big style, then again clean until last week where I had a wobble, but nothing more. Back on the straight and narrow now.

And yes, I hate this f******g thing. 1 bet, 1 measely £10 bet which had I have lost, I would have given up there and then 18th September 2008. But I won, then I won again, and again and again, but then I lost, then lost, lost, lost, lost, won a bit back, then LOST BIG STYLE !! Rest is history - 3 chuffing years of my life ruined, and probably another 3 to go putting this mess right. 6 years of my life, when I should have been enjoying time with my family, but I have spent being stressed, anxious and bad-tempered. When I had my £1000 win last week, my mood changed dramatically - just goes to show how driven I am by money.

My kids are 7 and 9 now, 4 and 6 when I started and they'll by 10 and 12 when I finish - I've missed what should have been their happiest childhood years because of stupid mistake. Can't turn the clock back though, so I press on. Oh for f*cks sake !

Jeez !

Hi Michael,

I haven't been on for a few weeks and I'm absolutely gutted for you that you fell off the wagon. I suppose it was the pressure, but that guy posting the day before you did it suggesting that you possibly return to gambling and win back all your debts sure didn't help. Some people on here just don't get it - winning any money will always be stake money to a compulsive gambler like me and you. FACT.

Anyway, chin up and don't fall off again - I know you will be livid for a while yet, but suck it up and stay clean!

All the best, Jim

PS my 2 kids are the same age as yours and all of our best times together don't necessitate splashing cash - it's quality TIME with them that's important. Sorry, I'll hop off my soapbox now.

Hi Jim,

It's been a really rough couple of weeks, and yes I've completely fallen off the wagon. I've come out financially unscathed, but so what ? I sat there putting my money on and even when things were going my way, I felt absolutely nothing. I've put distance between me and this 'disease', and I'm right back there where I was 100+ days ago. I'm gutted. So I've cashed whatever winnings I had the sense to not blow and excluded myself.

Regardless of whatever good or bad fortune I have, I have a family, and I have young kids who are growing up fast. They have Dad who is stressed and grumpy. Ok, when I'm 50, debts should be paid, but the kids'll be older, maybe at Uni or whatever. If the debts are paid by then, so what ? I'll buy a car, have a holiday, whatever. But I can't spend this part of my life wasting time chasing losses, I just can't. Money can be earned, debts repayed, but life cannot be replayed and I can't keep living life thinking about how life will be in 5 years time when the debts are repayed.

I've never missed a payment in my life, and I'm unlikely to in the future, so what's the problem ?

I worked out in a previous post that I probably waste about 1500 hrs/year, wasting time or procrastinating because I'm over-tired, which leads to stress and worry.

Ok, out of 1500hrs, why not have another 2hrs kip a night, and spend an hour less a day at the coffee machine at work, and have a full day of quality time with the kids - that's about 1500hrs. And the best thing, I still have time to work on my debt repayment plan (if necessary).

I've been fortunate in some ways that in the last 24hrs, I suffered a huge loss, and I have that same sinking feeling again, but this time, without a huge kick in the nuts financially - like a warning. And I think I've learned something because in the past, that win would have turned into a loss, but I think I've come to my senses. Precious comfort.

There's 104 days left this year, 100 days gamble-free in 2011 - that's my challenge.

Just noticed the date, 3yrs ago today I placed my first bet. Lets draw a line under this now. 3yrs is enough to take from anyone's life.

I need to do the things that worked so well in the past. I often get overwhelmed by everyday life, so I need to get organised and use that PDA that worked so well in the past for appointments, dates, to-do list etc. I've found it great a repository for stress and worry. So I'm going to start using this again in earnest.

This is Day 1.