Closure - 13th Feb 2014

You are 50 and you have never missed a payment in your life.

I am 41 and I have never missed a payment in my life.

But if we gamble another single penny more which as we know WILL lead to more losses, then there is a huge chance that missed payments WILL start.

And that will only lead to utter misery.

So don't gamble any more mate. Yes, I know that you already know this but sometimes it just needs someone else to tell you this.

And I would be grateful if you could post a similar nag on my diary!

All the best,

GT

Day 2

So I start again. One day at a time.

I start with a 30day challenge.

30 days Gamble-free.

30 days to make £1000.

P.S. I'm 40, not 50.

Reaching the end of Day 2. I've felt really low today, but probably not as low as I did during May. Why am I destroying myself ?

Mentally - Do I put a stop to it now, or end up reallly ill ?

Physically - Pale, tired, overweight, unfit ? Do I put a stop to it now, or end up really ill ?

Financially - Bit-by-bit, I destroy any wealth I have. How long before I default on mortgage payments or lose my house ?

Career - I sit, procrastinating, looking at my screen, doing nothing. How long before my manager notices and asks me into his office for a 'chat' ?

Family - Grumpy, bad-tempered, short fuse, lethargic. My kids are already nervous around me and my moods. How will this affect them as adults, and what memories will they look back on ? How long before I lose my family.

ANSWER : DO NOT GAMBLE and the results could, actually WILL be ...

Mentally - Over a period of weeks, months, years, mental state will return to happiness.

Physically - Sleeping better, eating better, doing more exercise - put an extra 10 healthy years on my life.

Financially - £5,000 paid in 4 months, great progress, another £15,000 (+) in 12 months. 2 years, Credit cards wiped out, 3 years, Parents repaid, 10years Mortgage gone.

Career - I have ability to climb the ladder, use the time wisely, don't procrastinate, and I'll get there.

Family - Quality, healthy, happy, stressless, worry-free, blissful, enjoyable time spent together.

Once again ...

ANSWER : DO NOT GAMBLE.

How easy is that ? - DO NOT GAMBLE !!

How can it be any clearer ? - DO NOT GAMBLE !!!!

1000's of bets placed, £80,000 lost - CAN IT BE ANY CLEARER THAN THAT THEN !!??

DO NOT GAMBLE !!!!!!

Michael - are you getting the message yet ???

DO NOT GAMBLE !!!!!!

I thank-you

Looked at the name of this diary. 'Closure 14th Feb 2014' - 878 days away. I picked this date as it appeared achievable and a good debt-free target day + it's 5 years after the date I confessed all. Although I'll never rid myself of this awful disease, I at least want a day in the future when I can draw a line under this eposide in my life, and that's 878 days away. Debt free, and no gambling between now and then. On that day, I make new plans, but for the time being, after this recent interlude, I start the engine, and continue to motor to my destination.

878 days to go, debt of £58304.47 left.

Great post from last night, mate.

I would keep referring back to that post whenever you feel any urges.

Keep at it.

Paul

The thing that amazes me is that a lot of people on here seem to be ridiculously sensible...well educated...good jobs etc etc and its so simple writing 'do not gamble' down over and over but why can't we bloody listen to ourselves?!?!

Keep the diary up Michael...you've done so well since May even if you have had a few blips recently. I always think back to the end of May and wonder how much more I would have lost if I hadn't found this site?!?! Thousands most likely!

Sorry mate, did not realise that you were 40. Oh well, at least you're in the same boat as me!

In reference to THAT strong post...!

Mentally - Over a period of weeks, months, years, mental state will return to happiness.

Of course, we all know how happy we can be when we stay away from this stupid gambling madness.

Physically - Sleeping better, eating better, doing more exercise - put an extra 10 healthy years on my life.

Now that certainly is a thought! Less stress can only be a very good thing.

Financially - £5,000 paid in 4 months, great progress, another £15,000 (+) in 12 months. 2 years, Credit cards wiped out, 3 years, Parents repaid, 10years Mortgage gone.

We all know our financial targets but I still think that it is important to realise that things could change like unexpected bills, work changes, etc. But it is also important to realise that extra money could come our way too and we have to deal with this the RIGHT way.

Career - I have ability to climb the ladder, use the time wisely, don't procrastinate, and I'll get there.

Not gambling = more time for work. FACT!

Family - Quality, healthy, happy, stressless, worry-free, blissful, enjoyable time spent together.

Completely agree and this is the most important thing.

So I think that I need to stress the most important question to you and all of us again...

WHY GAMBLE?!

Stay very strong, we will all get there.

GT

Ok - a bad month. Please don't be harsh on me. Mentally screwed at the moment, but financially, I've been really lucky and got away with it. Gutted about it, however, that post I created the other night, I must have done in a trance, because I can't remember writing it ! But sure has hell I've re-read it about 50 times ! I know I WILL beat this, and for once today, I've realised that in amongst all of that worry, stress and anxiety of the last few months, I haven't caved in when I've fallen off the wagon, like I've done in the past, I've came to my senses, cashed out, and straight back on the wagon.

I've been through statements, and actually, knocked £5000 off the credit cards in less than 4 months which I'm amazed at !!! The debt worry IS vanishing quickly, and the more months that go by the quicker it reduces as the interest paid diminishes.

keep strong buddy,you are doing fantastic.Its not easy but it is doable.There is no quick fix but it is fixable.The " strong post " as you call it from the other night where you gave all the reasons not to gamble sum it up perfectly and apply to us all.It was an awesome, truthful, heartfelt post.

As you have said you have paid off 4k in such a short amount of time.Thats fantastic.

Just the last piece of the jigsaw to fit and thats to say no and realise, as you have already that the slip of the wagon was only a blip.Tell yourself you are now a not a gambler who had a bet but a non gambler who had a bet and you have decided its not for you.

Stay strong and keep your own money,thats how we will win in the end my friend.

You are doing great and you are being very strong.Well done for getting back on that wagon,just stay on it and you will beat this.

kindest regards

Steven

P.s, Can i just ask that being as many gamblers / ex-gamblers are supersticious or think lucky etc, Why you chose the actual 13th as your closure date ?.

Either way i feel you can make it and become debt free.Keep strong and keep going.You can beat it.

kind regards

Steven

I'm sorry Michael but I think a few harsh words are what you need! We all know where this blip is going to end up...in a HUGE loss! You said you have gotten off lightly and you are lucky but I think this is just encouraging you to gamble more. You are just going to keep 'blipping' until you lost a major amount of money and go back to having that awful sick feeling again!!! PLEASE realise this!!!

I think that by looking at these statements and realising you have cleared 5k you are justifying losing say a grand! Well it is not justified and you have come too far now to just waste all your hard work!!!!!!!

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!! Before you end up right where you were back in May.

I know I have no right to be harsh as I have recently blipped too but you have been doing soooooooo well and I really don't want you to have those god awful feelings of being out of control again!! xxxxx

Thank-you all for your amazingly supportive comments over the last week. Just when I thought it was getting a little quiet, as soon as I have a blip, then you're all there to help me get back on my feet again. I can't thank-you all enough.

Anyway, enough is enough, and I've ended this madness. Self-excluded from the last On-Line Casino I was registered with today, and I consider this the final act in my 'relationship' with the Casino's and gambling. Enough is enough. I've had a cr** 3 weeks, but my bank account is £2K richer.

But as Steven has alluded to, I consider the last 3 weeks as a journey of a non-gambler into the Gambling world. I'm now officially, a non-gambler again. And on 31/12/2011, the last day of the year, I will be 100days gamble-free. Good luck to one and all, please stick with me on this journey, but there's DEFINATELY no going back for me now.

And why 13th Feb 2014 (?) - that's exactly 5 years after I confessed all, and started digging myself out of the massive hole. A hole that I partially climbed out of and fell right back to the bottom of between Jan and May of this year. I'm climbing my way out again, with more support and more money in my pocket, and on that day, 13th Feb 2014, I want put this episode of my life to bed, and also be debt free. It's doable, but incredibly challenging. Many thanks to you all.

Hey, why not think of a treat for yourself to celebrate New Years Eve and 100 days gamble free?

You would certainly deserve it!

GT

Hi,I think GT,s idea is an awesome idea.It gives you a mini target to aim for and a good atmosphere on new years eve to celebrate a great achievment.I put my 1st post on your diary yesterday but i have been a background reader of your diary from day 1 and have been following it with interest.I am gald to hear that you also came out of your blip 2K up but i hope you don,t try again my friend as you are now, as we said a non gambler who had a bet.You have had the sense and strength to walk away and thats great.I for one know it sometimes harder to walk away while you have the choice and you are " Up " on one of those rare occasions.The thing is though is that they are exactly that, rare occasions, and thats why were all here.I admire you for being strong and walking away, realising its not to late, jumping straight on that wagon and making you more determined to lay this bug to rest,well done.

I hope you are well and staying strong as many people here are cheering you on and as GT correctly and kindly advises us all " Keep making those right choices " and as i always say " Keep your own money and thats how we will all win the the end ".

All the best my friend and stay strong

Steven

Day 1

Ok I start with Day 1 again. 100 days is the first target - 31/12/2011 is a Saturday, so I can't wait the for New Years party. My reward for reaching 100days will no doubt be the 'bottled' variety !

Looking back at the 1st attempt at becoming gamble-free, I don't think I'd completely convinced myself that I'd ever make it, partly due to the fact that I'd left the door to gambling ajar by not self-excluding myself entirely, and of course, when things got tough, then there was only going to be 1 outcome. Now that door is firmly closed with permanent self-exclusion.

Yes, still worried about money - it's only natural when you've got 30k Credit Card debt, but it's slowly reducing. Still worried about this monkey I'm carrying on my back i.e. still not revealed all to my OH - as I said in my previous posts, I want to be clean, with less CC debt before even thinking about fessing up - she may find out anyway. But bit-by-bit, the weight lifts from my shoulders. Today I've officially rejoined the real-world and for the time being, it's a great feeling !