Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Hi Michael,

Become a centurion by New Year - that's an order 🙂

Only you can know in your very core whether you will do it. I believe in you. You have to be stoic and resolute!

And don't worry....be happy - enjoy time with your family. That will help you relax.

Day 2

Day 2 - easy, no urges. Back in the real world. I've spent the whole day worrying about my wife's overspending - how rich is that considering my past ! So I'll shut up on the matter (because I'm not at liberty to talk about it) - like I have done for years now - even before I started on this downward spiral.

Hi Michael

I can understand your thinking. Money to aCG in action is not money but a tool. It's only when we sober up that we realise the value of money. I, too, went on about how much my wife spent but it does you good to get it down inwords. It makes us realise how this disease gets to us. Take care

Hi Smiler,

Yes, your right - it's ridiculous really. I've just gone for a takeaway and I queried the bill because I misheard the person, and thought he'd asked for £30, not £20. This compared to myself a few days ago slapping £100 bets on willy-nilly, every few seconds or so. So that's, say 1 days pay risked every 5 seconds. It's an unfathomably stupid practice and it proves that somehow on-line casino's takes you to a place light-years from the real world. I have a good job, good qualifications, I don't spend loads of cash on clothes, cars, beer etc, but have a very comfortable lifestyle. I've always kept finances in check, and never missed a payment. So how can someone go from that to downright reckless behaviour in the space of an hour ?

FEEL LIKE A RANT NOW .....

I read these diaries on a daily basis, and see dozens of new diaries started every day, but only a relatively few updated regularly - I often wonder what happens to those who say that they've had their last bet, but never see an update again. Gambling is increasingly prevalant in our society, and I often cringe at advertising, particularly on TV, and even more so around sport. Even my 9 year old son has started talking about putting bets on !!!!!!!!

Gambling brings nothing but misery and heartbreak and with the increasing number of casino's springing up, it'll only bring more family breakdown, debt problems, and at worst, suicide attempts. But what is Government trying to do to regulate it ? I don't know, but I do know that other than "Please gamble responsibly" - unlimited spending at Casinos, and for someone with massive amounts of credit, it's easy to get sucked in - where is the regulation there ? Surely at the least, Government should be forcing Casino's to spot problem gamblers. One Casino I self-excluded from last week, who had taken about £26K off me, had the audacity to ask why I was closing my account !!!! Jeez !!!!!

Casino's are offering HUGE incentives to join up and catch some more unsuspecting punters - but, at least it keeps people spending, and the economy running.

Government sucks, banks suck, casino's suck.

The problem with this country is simple : PROFIT which is a business term for GREED.

Day 3

Bad tempered today. I'll write no more on why through fear of embarrassing myself. Must be cold turkey/tiredness. Really do not want anything to do with anyone today - particularly my OH who I'm finding a pain in the a*se.

Need to keep my head down and focus on recovery. Pleased that I've self-excluded, because I know what would have happened today if I hadn't.

Day 4

Weekends are the toughest. It's easy to lose focus, and slip-up. At least that's now not a possibility for me. I have alot of feelings of resentment, which I'm directing at my nearest and dearest - as my previous posts allude to. I don't know why, perhaps I'm overtired.

Focussing on catching up at the moment - I'll give myself a week to do that, and then relaxing and get back into some sort of routine.

Day 5

Still really anxious to get some distance from the last 'blip'. Still trying to catch up on the various work streams I had in progress at the time I started wasting time Gambling again. I'll give myself another week to catch up, and then I can start to relax.

keep going michael.Your doing great,you said it yourself,it was just a blip.keep it straight and level and you will get there,stay of the emotional rollercoaster by just keeping strong and knowing that by not gambling things will not get worse.

All the best

Steven

Day 6

Thr rumour-mill is in full flow at work regarding the next bout of cost cutting. We know that some folks will be losing their jobs which has destroyed any last lingering morale within the company. What really P*sses me off is that some of the folks in the firing line volunteered to work for nothing when we really were in the s**t - we did get an e-mail though, thanking us for our efforts. But we're now in profit, and actually doing really well, but management want to increase profits further by taking away people's livelihoods. But hey, this is the 21st Century where loyalty and people's livelihoods account for nothing and profit and shareholders are the be-all and end all.

Unfeasibly de-motivated and P*ssed off today - where am I going with this 'career' ?

Hi Micheal,

I think you have touched upon a point close to many of us.I have just had to have a yell about it on my diary.I hope all shall be well at your place of work my friend.Keep your chin up,i know its easier said than done though.

All the best

Steven

Just been sat here in work reading your diary for the last 30 thirty mins, a lot of the things you talk about im sure most of us can relate too.

Thanks for posting on my diary michael and i am in the same frame of mind as you about the wave of cg,s coming along and the reasons why.Never a truer word spoken michael.It makes my blood boil as it is so unregulated its unreal.

All the best my friend and thanks again for the post as it means alot to know people are reading my diary and leaving opinions as all opinions are valuable to me.

Thanks again.

Steven

Just come out of a blazing row with my OH - she's stormed out ! She's basically shown that couldn't care less and completly cold to my work situation - a shrug of the shoulders, and a few uneducated words about profits being important, which riled me beyond belief - also when I said that some of my colleagues will be most certainly leaving then again, again, she couldn't give a t*ss - but she's happy to spend my money !!! Once again, it's re-affirmed my opinion that I can't talk to my OH about anything. I've been at my lowest ebb in the last 6 months, and she hasn't batted and eyelid. Sorry - rant over - apologies.

Day 7

7th non-gambling day. My OH has 1/2 apologised, so we're on speaking terms. Why doesn't she just listen, rather than being so utterly disagreeable.

One thing I know for sure, I'm on my own for the duration of this recovery.

Hi Michael,

Sad fact is a lot of us are on our own for this recovery. Even if you did confess all chances are you'd just get more grief rather than support. I think its really difficult for a non gambler just to understand the same way we dont understand people drinking 20 pints or snorting/shooting whatever?? Ultimately, irrespective of support, your recovery depends on you so take care mate and dont be temped to 'get back at her' by gambling as its just an excuse.