Day 1... Came clean

The mist is starting to lift, hellish 11 days of feeling ill. Slowly climbing out of my hole back to normality

2 weeks free. Strange the other day as I was at work and leant over to my work colleague who was sitting playing slots on her phone and had lost 100 in her 20 minute break and was trying to win some back after her break had finished. In my head I was saying... are you nuts? And yet I am no difference apart from not gambling at work. Seems like there aren't more living with this secret addiction

Glad to hear about the 2 weeks free and starting to feel a bit more normal again. 100 in 20 minutes is insane really isn't it, that same 100 could have done a lot of good somewhere yet we seem quite happy to spin it away. The amount of profit gambling makes those companies is pretty obscene, no wonder they are popping up everywhere. Keep clocking up those days Katie

And so the urge has passed, gave myself a stern talking to re the anxiety and the bad place I end up in. Thank goodness for reason this is a cruel disease . My brain is damaged but with determination will heal

You're doing well Katie! Those urges are there to test us our resolve. We must always remember the reasons why we're abstaining. By staying gamble free, we're feeling much happier.

As opposed to feeling worthless and depressed when we lose big in gambling.

Just sitting watching panorma about gambling addiction and how the brain becomes altered and I'll. Very interesting but also sad as the wife of a man who committed suicide after gambling on fobt talks of her loss

Struggling today, but won't give in, this feeling will pass , the after feeling of gambling takes much longer...#retrain the brain

Im struggling too Katie, i played some free spins yesterday and stopped myself from depositing at the very last second which is a big accomplishment for me but all the same i feel disappointed that i even logged on. Keep getting the emails trying to lure me back in, have just deleted that email account. Trying to keep busy, every day has been my 'first gamble free day' and i have given in to the urges. Not today, despite how anxious and all over the place I feel, today has got to be my first gamble free day. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Thanks Claire, I'm hoping to be both gambling and anxiety free, both go hand in hand

Again another day struggling. Really hard day with young kids playing me up. Not going to gamble as so scared that if I do I will sink into a deep depression again. Unsure if that should be the motivation to stop or not? But can't go to that place again.

I'm with you today, have felt totally doomed and overcome with guilt (sorry this isn-t positive! ) but have read a few diaries to keep me inspired. I also took the plunge yesterday and phoned the helpline to just let it all out. Stay strong and we will get there in the end. Take care S 🙂 x

So today I found out that one of the casinos I used before was due to expire my self exclusion. I can't be trusted so I have contacted all the sites I used to ensure I am definitely excluded, even the one that I had a 10 pound cap on.... finally letting go, quite scary really seams so final which I want , but the change is scary. I must keep myself busy to beat this awful disease

Only way I can get around my anxiety is to work myself into another tired day. Work work work. Finally am on anxiety tablets also

Well I feel great. Haven't been able to say that for a while as even when I have abstained from gambling, it has been on my mind and my nerves and anxiety have not been great. After a visit to the Dr and medication to treat the anxiety, the last thing on my mind is slots, I'm chilled without them. So glad I have got help, it will behalf of my battle

Chilled out and keeping occupied by working hard..Hoping things stay this way