Day 1 of gf

Hi

The recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in me.

The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.

It is wonderful to heal from our pains.

To reduce our fears.

For me my anxiety my panicking lack of confidence were due to my fears.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Well officially one whole week of being gf and I truly feel amazing I finally have money in the bank it has been the most hard week ever im not going to lie 

The urges are real but I have kept my mind busy I have starting running 

I'm even going to the cinema on my own and going to have a me date on my own haha 

I'm trying to out myself out there and do new things 

I have even deactivated all social media accounts to focus on myself and find me because I feel I have lost myself a hell of alot but I feel truly great and I'm going to keep going and keep pushing this positively because this time its for real I'm never going back 

@juicyj I hear you loud and clear on this one. 

I am going to be spending the next couple of months with my girlfriend at her parents house and I already know that it is going to be a living hell. They're going to be giving me such a hard time because of my gambling and there won't be anything I can do about it because they're the ones that are going to be helping us out financially in the next month or so. 

My own family and my own friends have been incredibly supportive over the last 24 hours, their words of encouragement have been truly inspiring and it's giving me a lot of strength. 

What can I do about my gf and her parents? There is only so much a human can take, it's not as if I have committed murder or any other horrible crime. Without going off on a crazy tangent, they're all quick to forget that I have funded my gf's life for the last 3 years. She has had so many holidays during that time and didn't have to pay a penny for it. It was all on me. How quick people are to forget things. Sorry to rant with that last bit. 

@richard84

Hello, you arent ranting you are getting things off your chest that you need to because you can't talk to loved ones sometimes because the don't really understand what we are going through as a gambler they never will no matter what they say 

No one will understand the habit, cravings urges that we go through on a day to day basis.

You are so right about them being quick to forget about who's paid for what etc like you say you paid for everything and they forget that they really do like 

I say right I have always stood on me own 2 feet I don't have a mum and dad and have had to look after myself they are alive just don't get on 

I have always been good at paying the bills I have been with my bank years and they have told me that's the one thing I have been good at is that I have never missed a bill 

You need to tell them straight about giving you a hard time honestly put your foot down yes we need tough love but how I see it now is that what is done is done I cant bring the money back I cant change the past and you don't need that negative energy in your life 

I told my loved ones straight I said I get you have opinions and I get you are going to want to say oh but you had money you had this etc but all in all I don't now get over it 

You now have to move forward day by day think positive be happy but how I am doing it is day by day writing ideas of new stuff I can try like im going to the cinema on my own who does that lol I do because it's something I have never done but I want to try lol 

But remember this be you be positive and be happy and most of all remember why you are doing this because like I have said in my journey so far im doing it because I have got a good thing going and I really don't want to lose it I'm still young and can safe myself now 

But if I stay gambling I never will 

Sorry to go on haha but here to chat if need to as this site is really helping me  

Finally coming up to 2 weeks gf and I can honestly say I feel amazing I feel so good now I really do 

I'm sleeping better as I'm not worrying anymore about money and how I'm going to get it I'm not worried anymore and I know I still have a very long way to go but I know that this is it and this is real I am never going to gamble again because I want to have this life of fun laughter and excitement because I can tell you one thing I am so so happy now 

I have support I have help from loved ones and it really feels amazing it really does 

I am just still so grateful for this group and everyone's words on here and everyone's journey 

We have got this and we can all do this for a better life 

Love to everyone 

It does get better I promise 

X

Well today is exactly 14 days gf 2 weeks 

I honestly can't believe it I cant believe I'm even here writing this I really cant 

If anyone had said to me that I was going to be 2 weeks of not gambling I would call you a liar 

I am so so proud of myself because I have done it for years on and off 

And now sat here 2 weeks and I feel amazing 

I'm actually sleeping now finding new things to do best bit of it all playing on the xbox with my friends is really getting me through it 

Yes I have money in the bank still got some debt to pay but my loved one is going to help me with this so it will be paid of  in 2 months 

So I have to be a bit tight on my self but it's for the long run and my future I will get there slowly but surely but I git this and I know its going to get better

Have a good day xx 

@juicyj hi me too.im.7days in now and life is good won't take long to pay off what I owe and I'm.no longer depriving myself life is beautiful x

@littlemix aww amazing feels so good doesn't it, the biggest thing for me has been the sleeping I actually sleep like a baby haha which I have never before 🙂 

It's just good positive fibes from now on for me that is really helping me 

Xx

@juicyj definitely for me too I.just keep thinking yes uve got this carry.on.

7days is amazing for me especially after I did have a bad month last month I chased my losses to.the bitter end something I'd never done I suppose that's what made me realise enough u can't go on like this and that's what made me want to turn my life around I am sleeping better too which us a bonus good luck in ur journey I always say I'd u want something in life this bad youl get it oh and I've got money in the bank winner winner didn't think I'd say I'd have money in the bank I was always on minus x

@littlemix that has been me with the minus in the bank account and I hate it really I do but I have to focus and prove to me loved one that I can stay clean for 2 months and then they are going to help me pay the debt i have and I will be debt free 

To celebrate my 2 weeks I just went for a 2 mile run haha crazy I know but it keeps my mind busy and clear 

But you are 100% right with you no what you want etc I want a baby and to get married so I want it so bad I am going to do it 

No looking back 

Well done though your doing amazing always here to chat if you need to and thank you for being here to chat to me as it really does help xx 

Hi

For me I use to ahve so many fears about the bank account and lack of funds.

In time I understood that if I stuck with my recovery I would eventually have funds.

It was important for em to pay back the debts as safely as possible.

In recovery I heard that it was wise to heal our hurt inner child before we get involved in a serious intimate realtionship.

I was already married and the truth I did not know what love was.

I did not know what healthy intimate realtionships were all about

Going for a  for a 2 mile run

That is healthy and productive, it improve heart rate and also helps reduce bood vessel blockages.

That is what a healthy recovery is all about being busy clear and productive.

You want a baby and to get married, please be patient and tolerant with your self.

No looking back, learn from your past but do not live in it.

One thing I knew for sure I could achieve so much more in my life, sadly I use to destroy myself in so many ways.

Today while having a massage we discuused guilt and how to over come it.

It was a nice share.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

@gadaveuk thanks for these words 

I am not rushing into having a baby and getting married like now we have just been talking about it because me and my partner aren't young we are in our 30's and I'm not saying that I cant get pregnant or what not but it is harding for someone of my age 

I dont want any sympathy or anything like that but I have had a lot of friends have miscarriage and lots of other problems not saying that's me but I don't want to leave it any longer we have spoke about having children in the next few years and also spoke about getting married 

Like I have said in my journey my loved ones know everything and are supporting me and helping I have done everything I need to do and I feel great 

My relationship is great everything is great 

Sorry if this is a bit negative towards you but it's up to me and what I do with getting married and pregnant but I never said it was happen right now 

Well its official as of now I am one whole month of being gf I am so happy never felt better 

I got this I am living a whole new life a whole new me I dont get urges anymore potential new job got interview this week 

I am never going back to that cruel cruel horrible addiction I had everything is still blocked and its staying that way I have just done gamstop again for another 5 years gamban is on every device in my house 

I feel so in control of my life now I know its only been a month but I'm just so positive about it all and I'm just looking forward to my future yes still taking it day by day still writing in my diary every day but I got this I truly truly got this 

Hi

To live my life with out fear in my life today is brilliant.

That is very healthy one whole month of being gambling free, who would ahve guessed you could do it.

A whole month with out causing your self pains or fears.

The recovery program gives you the choice of living a whole new life being healthy.

It is always wise to be aware of unhealthy urges and our unhealthy emotional triggers.

You have done gamstop again for another 5 years good for you another healthy decision on your part.

You are still writing in your diary every day that is a very healthy thing to do.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Well here we go again back to it I have relapsed after 2 and a bit months of not doing it today I went and gambled 

£300+ I won it back and it will take a while to get back but why why why why why 

But I have finally told my partner everything about the loans about the payday loans and how much money I actually owe out and he has paid the lot for me I didn't want him to nor did I ask him to I have to pay every little penny back no questions asked 

He has everything now my bank details my card the use to everything I own 

The house is all signed up to gamban now I have joined a gamblers anonymous meeting every Tuesday where I live as I really need help 

My partner has said this is it if I don't stop now or he finds out I have done it again we are done and im out 

I am so ashamed of my self right now I am a gambler and I need to admit to myself no more secrets no more lies and trying to hide it I need to own my mistakes because this addiction is real 

I have done this for years on and off in secret in hiding 

I have to start all over again so tomorrow will be day 1 again but this time I am going to get help as I really need it truly I can't take this addiction on my own anymore ia am stressed and can not stop the tears from my face 

When will I learn.........