Day 10

Currently day 10 of not gambling. 

I know I could have never made it this far if it wasn't for the come to Jesus talk with my girlfriend and mum. This directly led me to registering with gamstop, so I physically could not bet online. 

But it's been 10 days of serious ups and downs. And honestly, as things stand, and fearing talking too soon, I don't miss this demon. I have too much to lose, and I fear losing everything more than my addiction currently has a hold on me. 

Within these 10 days, I have had a fantastic weekend in particular. Saturdays where always bad for me, and being a Celtic fan, the allure of the Glasgow derby may have been a bit too much. But the notion crossed my mind just the once. I thought "this would be a good shout", but I oddly had no desire to act on this. For me, this shows incredible progress. But today, I had images in my head of "goal" animations and notifications, but I will not give in. The old me would have instantly bet, and bet big. 

On the other hand, I have had periods of incredible emotion, upset and genuine periods of depression. This may be worth a GP visit at some point should these feelings continue. 

However, I have money in my bank account, which is new to me for this time of the month. And enough to be comfortable for the rest of the month, and surprisingly having also paid for flights to England, Peppa Pig world. This is an amazing feeling. 

I find that I'm now enjoying things so much more now, and am putting my mind to "guerrilla gardening". Not a bad way to channel my thoughts into doing something creative and decent. 

I'm at the early stages of my journey, very early stages, but I'm feeling positive. Very positive. 

I hope everyone's doing well in your own battles. And I am very thankful to my girlfriend for having that come to Jesus talk with me, as I have no better motivation than the fear of being a part time dad at best and being out on my tod.