Jayrinashe's Recovery Journey

the fear is definitely there.The fear to live with those moments i lost a lot of money and the fear to live a life without gambling especially when i experienced how it felt.Sometimes im scared to be alone because my thoughts have become horrible.

I've been occupied with work.I have coworkers who i laugh a lot with.Deep down inside they dont know im hurting.I celebrated with them when i won but little do they know i lost the money as quick as i made it.In their eyes im a calculative and lucky guy.In my mind i feel like im a failure.The most weird part about this journey is im having mixed emotions.One moment im filled with positive enerygy,the next im shooting myself down with negative talk.From a financial point of view ive given myself 90 days to clear my debts and be in a position to get my salary,feed my family and do things i always wanted to.If i dont relapse,im on course to doing what i should have done a long time ago.

Been there u tell them about the wins when your on cloud 9 buy not about the losses keep going day 4 be proud of yourself don't be too hard on yourself one day at a time x

@littlemix thank you for the support.They say every storm runs out of rain,i guess this is my storm.

@jayrinashe u run that storm like uve never run before u can do this u got this the storms we ride are not easy however after there is a bad storm there is sunshine u go n get that sunshine x

Hello  Jayrinashe

It is good to have you here on our Forum and have noticed that you have already had lots of support from others in Recovery from problem gambling.

Along with the Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through your early Recovery.  You can contact an Adviser by calling the HelpLine on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss any extra support you may need.

In the meantime, please continue to share and take your recovery One Day At a Time.

Best

Amanda 

Forum Admin

@forum-admin hie Amanda,thank you for reaching out to me,i would to contact you but im based in Zambia and the platform if im not mistaken is for people in the UK only.Please advise if there is any way i can get further help.

Hi, 

You are correct we are a UK platform but if you would like further support I would encourage you to look into this website here : https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/ where you can find gambling support that is not restricted to the UK.

Thank you for posting and sharing your story, please do continue to use our forum

Many thanks 

Forum Admin 

Lauren

Its been a busy day for me.My mind is at peace when im occupied with something.The desperation to be clean.To be able to finally say i survived.The need to have someone around me,to talk to.Im going to be off for the next three days but boy im not glad to be home alone.Sometimes i even think im not going to smile again.When i do smile,its like something just leads me back to all the horrible events which happened in the past.In as much as i lost,i won a lot of times but i couldnt stop.That dopamine always felt good when i won huge.I cannot let these feelings defeat me.My mind should be controlled by me not the other way round.

P.S Jay(Still alive and kicking)

Day 1 for me after hitting the rock bottom and  feel same about smiling again.

Hopefully  we learn a lesson and better times will come !

@igg wishing you renewed energy(Good Luck)

I spent the day resting.It was a good day.I woke up and had a decent breakfast(most important meal of the day).I am an indoor person.I quickly  the morning sunshine.Its almost winter here in Zambia so the weather can be a little bit cold this time around.I love sports,i guess its one of the triggers which led me to gambling.The urge to try one more time is a constant battle.At one point i had to sell my phone.I managed to stay without betting for three months but i realised its not about the phone but my mentality towards the same issue.The key is the mind.If you can tell yourself you can do something then believe it then definitely you will make it.Every day feels like im winning this war step by step.The more i progress the less impact its having on me.I'd like to think of it as the David and Goliath situation.A huge challenge in front of me but all it takes are ministones of progress to make it.

P.S Jay (Still alive and Kicking)

Day 6 Recovery

Opening up about my gambling problem to this forum has been quiet helpful.I feel open about my situation,people who can understand me without judging me.Whats more shocking about my gambling journey is the money that i won was never put to use.It wasnt about me solving my own personal problems but the feeling of having more and more.The biggest lie i ever told myself was gambling is an investement,its not dangerous and its good to chase your loses.It cost me my personal time with God,my relationship with my family and my working attitude.It got to a point where i was busy gambling in the middle of my shift.Its really hard to face your deamons and most of the times i wanted to point fingers, be it betting companies or lending institutions for my addiction.Bottom line is i am 100 percent responsible for my pain and i have to sleep on the bed i prepared.This journey is making me realise things i didnt know about myself.

P.S Jay (Still Alive and Kicking)

Day 7 Recovery 

Its been a great day.My peace of mind is slowly becoming a reality with each day that passes.I have to be honest there are moments that i have been tempted to visit a betting website just to check on good odds for the day.Betting has become easy especially with the advent of smart phones.Everything is there.What i really struggled with is how easy it was for me to lose money that i had worked for the whole month.They say pain will not leave you until your learn your lesson.That lesson is surely loud and clear.Going back or relapsing is out of the question.So much more to live for.I dont have a lot to say today but the journey continues.

P.S Jay(Still Alive and Kicking)