Day 6

just a thought, u could keep this as a diary thread rather than opening a new thread each day? welcome, all the best xx adam

Hi

People use to say that the recovery program saved heir live.

I now understan what they were saying.

Sadly the recovery program only helps us help our self to a healthy life.

It is our healthy actions that we have invested in our selves, that is how we get healthier each day.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Day 7 feeling so.much better today very upbeat.

Yes still dwelling on the money I've blown that is my biggest thought that gets me my anxiety..

I.just think ? wow u did what I'm trying not to.focus in that too much I think I can say I won't get it bk but I truly have to.accept it.

Keeping myself busy and enjoying life is the key..

I deprived myself of so.much with this addiction that I forgot how to.live I guess wouldn't buy myself anything or treat myself but I would manage to.blow 500 a month on a game.

I do consider myself lucky though that in the last few months I've seen it get out of hand and that's why I've stopped it has got me into debt I could use my savings but I'm not going too I'm going to pay it each month not only to learn my lesson but for me to truly accept what it has caused the money I will pay is manageable and I don't feel like I could sink because of it by no means though it could've been a lot worse I truly did lose myself but we can do this we can all do this don't give up.hope for as one door closes another opens I never though after my 2 main blow outs would I manage 7 days but I have I've got this and so have you x

Hey just want to say a massive thank to everyone everyone who's wrote on my wall and given me advice I've realised so.much in the past few days I'm so ready for this challenge in more ways than one I'm sleeping eating better and I'm not a nervous wreck here's to the next 7 days gf it's a wicked addiction but one we can break slowly always remember be kind to yourself its not easy but we are trying and if we're doing that at the end of the day knowone can ask any more of us x

Hi

There is nothing I can do to bring back money lost.

Why worry about some thing you can not change.

7 Clean days and you are feeling so much better today and very upbeat, that sound slike progress..

Stay focused on those thinsg you can do.

Keeping myself busy and enjoying life is the key.

You do consider your self lucky, recovery has nothing to do about Luck it is all down to our hard work.

Yes being so unhealthy I lost myself in my addictions and obsessions

You with recovery don’t give up on your self.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Feeling great ? no worries of do u have enough money for the month getting my calculator out to see what I can afford this has been a total game changer for me to say I've not been on any sites for the past 8days is mind-blowing I've just booked my first counselling session and I'm happy to say I've never been as focused on something in my life I'm ready ? to find myself again x

Hi 

For me counselling session worked when I was fearless.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

@littlemix 

Glad you came on chat tonight. Best advice I can give is don't worry about those who are perhaps cynical towards your recovery & concentrate on the positives given your 15th Gf day. You're not a bad person you're a good person who's fallen victim to a bad addiction. Listen to those who have faced the same struggles, read the success stories & how they've achieved abstinence. You can't have too many blocks in place, the more the better in my opinion. You'll have good days & bad ones, sometimes you'll feel like surrendering but wow only a CG knows what an achievement 15 days is. 

There are those in my life who aren't particularly impressed with me even after 3 and a half years of abstinence & who can blame them. Well what's impressive ?, Here's the answers.

1 I AIN'T AFRAID OF A KNOCK AT THE DOOR

2 I AIN'T AFRAID OF THE POSTMAN COMING

3 I DIDN'T LIE YESTERDAY TO HIDE MY GAMBLING

4 I WON'T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING THINKING "o*g" WHAT DID I DO YESTERDAY

5 I'M ONE DAY AT A TIME TAKING CONTROL OF THE FUTURE

I did some terrible things to finance my addiction & I can't change that. When one becomes addicted one becomes enslaved. I'm impressed with you Littlemix because you've taken a major step in breaking the chains of enslavement. Well done you, & it's up to you how long it lasts.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

@slowlearner thanku so much I've just read what u wrote on my wall and you know what it means the world to me thanku...

You see I'm the first to help anyone ever but I feel a bit lost with this tbh I've never gambled like this few quid in a bandit but that was it for me but having a very few difficult years and being lost I found it an escape of my reality my own little virtual world that I'd get sucked into and that's what lead me to this by no means I'm proud of my way to escape but this has taught me I need to deal with my past to maje my present...

I've had my first counselling session today and feeling very upbeat tbh instead of saying I need to stop which I have in the past I've said I want to stop my life will never go back to the way it was before gambling and I now know that gambling will never change that however what I can change is my path my future and we're my feet are taking me I dunno were there taking me however I know I'm not taking them back to were I've been.....

Thanks slow ur words are very encouraging and I also wish u all the best on ur journey x

Day 16.......

Wow feeling great.....

Best thing I've ever done .......

You see I've been  wanting to change for ages however wanting and actually doing it are 2 very different things..

I want to change but I'm not ready for the change and that was me I was scared to break the cycle the cycle of being sucked into a virtual world that at the time made it all feel better however when u come out of that world wen uve lost all ur money the pain guilt hurt depression hit u like a roller I guess i was worried about change life without the game that game had been apart of my life for nearly 12months and it was more habbit and routine than anything else until I said no I can't do this to myself the only option I'm hurting is myself which I can longer do because I deserve better I want better yes I've had it s**t but the gambling makes it s*****r it will drop.u to ur knees and make u feel like u can't get up best advice....

You take the knees u get u and you make ur own destiny life is far too short to worry about anything search and resource all the help u need there are so many people waiting to help you never be ashamed of asking because we all need a bit if help in life sometimes but we do need to ask if ur struggling please ask best thing I ever did they got u and u got this x

Day 49 wow so proud of myself however a few things that are bothering me..

So last night me and the hubby fell out and he threw the gambling bk into my face I'm absolutely gutted ?. 

You see he's never supported me on my journey yet doesn't ask how counselling goes etc however the other week he told me he was proud of how far I've come but lastnight was dreadful..

I don't think he is proud I think he said it because he felt he had too ? I'm feeling very lost today I just can't shake off what he said and it wasn't a word either it was in anger.

However I've never hid my gambling from him I got the help in place even the counselling he knew I was doing it as he would put it on his device as I had blocked myself in November I'd have to send him the money and he would put it on he didn't complain when he always took half the winnings however now I just feel lost with all his negative comments towards me n I guess I'm hurt but this won't buckle me it's going to make me stronger and maybe even resent him the fact I'm doing this all alone without his support makes me stronger x

Hi

Day 49 not gambling good for you.

Once I got in to the recovery program I thought that I was the only one that was unhealthy.

Peoples anger indicated to me that they did not know how to heal their pains.

Often peiople would dump on me even when it was not my fault.

Debts incurred do cause a lot of stress on a family.

Yet once we take recovery seriously and pain back money owning there is less financial debts to deal with.

Sadly there was a reason wwe both got married.

Once I started to heal and open up my wife did the same thing.

Sadly we have a place to share and heal, our partners do nto have such a benefit.

Now when people try to dump on em I understand they are nto able to heal their pains.

Any progress in our recovery is some thing to feel proud of.

Not every one understands we have certain emotional triggers.

Do you think you are feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Use the telephone list it helps to talk things out.

Living in my anger was very unhealthy for me..

The counselling was good for me once my fears reduced.

I found that when I am abale to talk about any thing my trust grows and I am more at peace with myself.

I use to fear rejection and abandonment from a very early age.

That made me feel very insecure.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

@gadaveuk thanku x