So, last night, I went downstairs after I'd put my children to bed, asked my husband to turn off the TV so.we could talk and told him that I have let him down. Again.
I've been gambling online on and off for about 7 years. I started off just doing the deals on cashback sites, so I never actually lost any money. Then I was pregnant with twins, not sleeping and hugely uncomfortable. I had lost two of my grandparents suddenly during my pregnancy and I just needed to escape. On those nights when my mind was too busy and my body too huge to let me.sleep, I lost myself in slots. When I won, I withdrew.
Then, a couple of years later I was going through a bit of a rough patch, so again, I escaped in the slots. This time.my husband started to notice and made a few comments, but I had several big wins- up to ВЈ1000- so it still wasn't causing any real issues. After a while he asked me to.stop. I did. Then I started again and I spent £1500 over about three months.
We installed k9 on the laptop, I gave my husband my bank details and vowed that that was it. He dutifully checked my account for the first month or so.
Recently, something happened to make me want to escape again. I thought I could.control it but quickly went through £400 by chasing my losses. I couldn't live with myself, so I came clean. Today I will be closing my bank account and redirecting everything through our joint account and we have installed netnanny on all of our phones, tablets and laptop.
I'm so ashamed of myself. How did it get this far?!
Hi Jha,
I'm new here too. How did it get this far? I don't know...it seems to creep up on you. A responsible person begins to act irrationally when under the spell of the slots. Like you, I play to escape. Let go of the shame...and look to the future. Take one day at a time, sounds as though you are doing all the right things now.
Freda
Hi Jha - well done for taking action to try and sort things out.
The bottom line is however much we try not too we find gambling exciting and get a huge buzz when playing. Different things appeal - for you its slot, for me its roulette and for others its horse or dogs etc. We are entertaining ourselves when do what appeals but its a very expensive form of entertainment that very few can afford. The odds have to be in the providers favour or they would go bust - in providing the entertainment they have runing costs and of course want to make a profit and as such always win in the end.
Your husband is very understanding and its great you have such a strong relationship and I know you won't let him down. You have cut off an important source required to gamble - money! It doesn't matter if you keep that source cut off indefinately as slots will always appeal to you but without money you can't give in to temptation.
I really wish you well and look forward to reading about how well things are going for you.
Best wishes
Dave
'I cannot gamble because I cannot stop'
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