Depression and lack of motivation

Hi Jappy,

Have you been to GA meetings? 

Jappy, it's really f*****g tough to get the ball rolling but you need to reach deep within yourself for some determination to get going with change...

Why...

Because you've been living by your code for ages. It's become engrained. The mind and body synthesise with the way you live your life, as far as your mind and body are concerned, all is good, nothing needs to change.

But your soul is telling a different tale - your soul is the one gnawing at you to live a different, more wholesome way... This manifests as depression and a resilence to do anything (the lack of motivation)

So to begin with its all counter-intuitive... Your body and mind will continue to call on you to dance to the usual tune, what chance have you got if your body and mind both send strong signals to behave in a certain way? 

Well start by recognising that your body is just your body and your mind is just your mind. They aren't the central nervous system of how you operate - thats the souls job.

Next time you want to act out... Try and picture how your soul will feel after the act has occurred (this could also be applied to doing nothing and procrastinating) - is it worth feeding your body and soul to engage in mindless acts that are leaving you feeling depressed? Have you been giving your body, mind, thoughts and feelings too much respect?

Maybe time to feed the inner voice? - the more you feed it the more power it will get and it's voice will get louder and louder until it has the strength to kick the s**t out of mindless signals sent by body and mind!

To begin with the soul is weak. Feed it. Stop feeding what is punishing you.

Best of luck

Today I am awake at 6am and need to feed my mind and try and be positive and have a plan! Exercise/ golf practice later in afternoon/ eve. That’s the plan, every time gambling comes in mind I need to think kill the beast by not responding. 

Oh wow ALN you're back... This is great news ? fantastic post to mark your return, Jappy - take the advice mate! You have the blueprint there! I used a lot what ALN has suggested in the early days with the intention of slowly but surely reinstalling elements of autonomy and removing the blocks in a staggered way as i got more confident with not gambling, but guess what - I adapted to my new lifestyle and love life so much more! Nothing has been removed or adjusted! It's liberating to live free of vices... Not enough time (make time), watching sport (go play some), need to carry cards on me (pay as you go credit card controlled by my wife) - it's a childlike state again for me but it's necessary in recovery if you ask me.

GA Dave often eludes to this as well, that you need to reach back for your inner child and address the trauma as the foundation for the rebuilding project. There's nothing shameful about going back to basics... Really there isn't. I live like a child who needs supervision from my wife while my body and mind (and bank balance) play catch up. Eventually I will be stronger, wiser, more responsible and purged of most of the toxicity related to addiction, and probably at that point I'll be happy.

I'll keep my head down next week as it's the final day of the season. Yeah I'll miss 90 mins of ecstasy and drama, but my frail mind and emotions can't handle the rollercoaster anymore. 

Need to replace these extreme ups and downs with things that bring more consistent constants in my life, my body and mind will just crave more injections of ecstatic highs and lows if I watch the football next weekend.

Maybe a bit of gardening next weekend instead.

Good to hear from you ALN. Hope you're well.

Thanks AlN all advice much appreciated, I am clearly at stage 1 and have been there many times and need to make the changes to block/ stop and change my life. I have blocked my phone for internet and called the self exclusion for local bookies and self excluded from casino! Money is an issue as I live on own, however what I have just done is cut my cr card up and only have a dr card. So now I won’t have access on a day basis when out and about with work. 

Hopefully this action will get me some breathing space and mind clear! 

Today I will do some exercise and work to try and reduce my backlog!!

heres to a better future!

i need to read Alan Carr’s book again and “follow the advice”!!

Thanks signalman it is good to read your advice and understand the connections and evidence suggests I will continue to struggle if I don’t change - as per response to ALN I have done some actions and need to think about the highs and lows because one of my main “problem” days are Monday! Looking for a fix! - work suffers and finances do as well, which leaves the backlog growing and stress and depression- and so the circle continues.

here is to a good Monday, and for once no financial issues and some back log reduced - 

exercise needed as well!

jappy

Exactly - you are going great today so celebrate that. Then we'll have abojtrr party tomorrow. And the day after ?

Today I have made some small steps - cut up some cards, done a few hours work to try and clear a backlog! I have not really felt like a bet (which is good) not have access to cash helped straight away! Didn’t get to gym, but went shopping bought some nice healthy food, and cooked a meal (instead of comfort eating sugar!). Small steps! But much calmer and a little more positive about tomorrow 

jappy

Today has been a really good day! Woke up early and wanted to get up and at it! Sat and read the first four chapters of Alan Carr’s book and found this to confirm my mind and clarify my thinking that I am addicted and I need to treat my addiction, not fight against it!

work was productive and little thoughts of gambling as I only took £5 with me for lunch. Got home and I said golf for a quick nine holes all done and home for 8pm - llall good and a pizza in oven!

all good here looking forward to my next few chapters

jappy

Today is going to be a hard day, have to go to London for a pitch (stress) also will have plenty of “spare” time in stations - previously a time to “gamble” that said I have no cards with me a little cash for unexpected, but not the normal cr cards etc. So I have planned to meet colleagues as soon as arrive, so barriers in place.

heres to a good day! Will report back later!

Posted by: Jappy

Today is going to be a hard day, have to go to London for a pitch (stress) also will have plenty of “spare” time in stations - previously a time to “gamble” that said I have no cards with me a little cash for unexpected, but not the normal cr cards etc. So I have planned to meet colleagues as soon as arrive, so barriers in place.

heres to a good day! Will report back later!

You have little means to do it so you should be ok mate.

On train home my cash in pocket, and feeling ok - slight feelings when left alone for train but went and had a pint! Next couple of days away from home so again no cards a bit of cash and keep things on a level playing field! 

Off on travels again and feeling positive and motivated- a few days of peace helping! Need to keep thinking when I want a bet this is the addiction craving not me wanting or needing a bet!

Gamble free weekend, nice to be free from the curse, and the sun is shining, I am about to get ready for travels ready for Monday morning! Looking forward to an early morning run then work!