Determined to keep a diary

@p6z38njbqm 

Hi Fish

I have only seen your last message now!😲. Even though I have been coming on here daily as of late! The job situation is shocking - maybe take a read over my last several posts.

Hope all still going really well in your world and life is still treating you well 🤞🙏.

Take care and hope you enjoy the rest of your week.

From your friend Pink.

🩷🍎

Day 255

Been a while since I’ve posted. Been studying (Physics and astronomy). Been working lots. Been walking lots. Reading lots (new book club in here which I think is awesome). Most importantly, I paid off a holiday. No issues, no stress. Paid in full. Couldn’t have done that a few years ago. I’ve lived by myself for 2 years since quitting gambling. Always paid my bills, never been short at the end of the month. Well I’ve been skint, but that’s what happens when you are paying off ridiculous gambling debts, but ive never been broke like I was before. I’ve enjoyed nights out. Bought things for myself. Got a new car, holiday, clothes. Life is good, and all because I took that dreaded step and came clean. It genuinely felt like my life was over (it nearly was). But 2 years on and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s such a shame it came to this, but there is hope. I hurt people. I came close to not being here. I was lower than low, but I’m here, I’m happy, and I’m hopeful for the future.

If you’ve made it this far in my diary, fair play! Trust me when I say it. Commit fully, tip the bandaid off and get it all out in the open. You may hurt people, but you’ll hurt them more by continuing to lie. Deal with the outcome. Attack it head on. Quitting takes work. Go at it hard. Get the debt in check. Get some help. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It seems very dim in the early days, but it gets brighter.

Rambling over!!

Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm Hi fish 🐟💙.

What a lovely post with lots of positive and happy things going on for you 👌. Particularly loving the holiday plans and better still, that it is all paid for and no worries 👏👏😎.

Yes, 2 years have passed for us both, you with one blip (hope you don’t mind me bringing this up) 😬 and me with two in all that time). We have come a long way and normality has resumed for us both, amongst the madness of everyday life!🤪.

I look forward to hearing about your continued path to peace and happiness. Keep me posted!😆.

Have a lovely weekend.

Your friend Pink 🩷🍎.

So well said fish. There is a life after gambling but as you say it takes work. Work everyday. 

Do good to hear you are doing well. Stay 100 days ahead of me and we will both be happy

270 days baby!!!

I'm in that happy stage now, comfortable. No thoughts at all of gambling, even with the constant advertising and videos that pop up on social media. Makes me stronger seeing them if I'm honest.

I was getting signed up monthly to a dodgy casino after requesting they cancelled my account. I was screenshotting each time I requested a cancellation and then exactly a month later the emails and calls began again. This time I insisted they pass me the details of their regulator and told them I had screenshots. they insisted they were all for safer gambling. Lol. They eventually admitted they regulated themselves, and I then threatened to post in every review site I could with all the screenshots (including the one that they were unregulated) and they eventually agreed to not reopen my account. Sharks, the lot of them. This whole process actually made me hate gambling so much, that I looked forward to the monthly reopening so I could argue with them and tell them how much they were attacking problem gamblers. It's been over a month now and no phone calls so hopefully this has finally worked, although I will miss my monthly rant!!

Just goes to show that I can fight this, and I can win. Just need to stay strong and bring the fight to them as soon as possible. I would drop everything when I got my account reopened to get it closed instantly. Yet they still tried a month later. Shocking behaviour, but I beat them!!!!

Back to work.

Stay strong 👍 

Hi Fish

Well done on 270 days, must be 9 months this week at some point. I know you had a practice run prior but I guess every relapse makes us stronger and more knowledgeable. 106 days behind you and more than happy to stay a couple of miles back for the rest of our lives. 

So good to see you in the chatroom tonight mate 

@p6z38njbqm Hi Fish. Lovely to hear from you again.

There is no better feeling than when we are feeling “comfortable” in our own skin 👌. No stress, no anxiety, no sleepless nights, no worrying about how we are going to get through the entire month with virtually no money and unpaid bills 😱. All brought on by our constant drive to make more money, when all we did was to lose and then lose even more as the desperation hit us.

Those days are truly over for both of us. We started on our journey more or less at the same time. We both had a lapse virtually around the same time (I then gambled a second time) but here we are, over two years down the line, 99% of which has been g.f for the both of us 💪💪. 

Hope you have a lovely bank holiday and are able to take a break from your busy work schedule.

Your friend Pink 🩷🍎.

Day 287

Got a massive bolt from the blue reading another persons post yesterday. Was so similar to my own start on this journey. Came clean, hoping I could be saved. No joy on that front. Several weeks of sheer terror at being asked to move out, accepting I was alone, thoughts of ending it. 

Luckily, I fought on. I accepted I deserved this. I didn't do this on purpose, but I did continue and not get help. I didn't steal or do anything bad to my ex, except lie. In my head, I only didn't tell her things. I never outright lied to her face, but I did keep things secret. 50k worth of secret. Luckily all my punishing secret!

2 years later. 1 slip up. Debt free. Amazing place to live. Savings. Monthly charity donation. New partner. New life.

If you've made it to this stage of my diary (fair play you maniac!), but I suppose I'm trying to say, it's not over. No matter how low you feel, you might feel better than you've ever felt a short year or 2 later. You just don't know. I wanted to end it. Now I relish being alive. Dare I say my life is nearly perfect? Not far off. And all in the space of 2 short years.

Keep fighting, and stay strong 👍 

@p6z38njbqm 👌👏👏👏👏💙

🩷🍎.

Day 301

Missed my day 300 yesterday but 301 is just as good. Next stop, the full year (for the second time).

In a way I’m glad it’s my second time. Having a relapse taught me so much. Obviously I would have preferred not to have lapsed, but it’s not something to be fearful of. It’s part of recovery. The whole process is about learning from mistakes and using this as motivation to move on. If you can learn from others mistakes, even better!

Im very comfortable about hitting the year mark. I rarely get thoughts of gambling and now I can push them aside easily. I focus on the good life I have now. Was out for dinner with mates the other night. The bill arrived and I didn’t have to give it a second thought. I had money to pay. I had spare money to pay. Spare money is not a concept I knew for many many years. I’m not going back to that. 

Hope everyone is doing well. 

Stay strong 💪 

Isn't great mate and you sound like this time around it's different. 64 days to go which is only two months and change. I'm on 196 and my milestone was always this Sunday and hitting 200, no pressure though . Keep going mate and posting 

@p6z38njbqm 👏👏👏👏👌💪.

Lovely to hear from you again Fish 🐟💙. Even better to read that all is great in your world the further you distance yourself from your last bet!

May you continue to have the best life you are having🙏.

Take care.

Your friend Pink 🩷🍎.

Hi Weirdfish it only feels yesterday when i read your diary and your life completely changed i do resonate with paying bills without thinking about it so in terms of bet free life i wouldnt want it anyway i still have my moments and i guess it part of life i still feel like i havent done much in my life i have learnt to be greatful with the life i have it doesnt help living in this materlistic world i guess that was part of my problem my friends and family are quite money orientated which didnt help my cause the funny thing when i was in debt i wanted to do alot of things i guess those were triggers now that i am able to alot of things no financal worries i have simply lost interest i am happy a peaceful life gamble free life brings and i wont change it for the world👍

Day 311

Crazy to think if I hadn't slipped up, I'd be nearing 800 days GF. Still, 1 slip in 800 days is pretty d**n good. 

No real update. Still GF. Still sad to read the new updates, so many people still at that raw, fearful stage. Unknown territory for many. Relationships, the future, housing, family, bills. So many things impacted by gambling. There is a better life ahead though, and sometimes that big change is all you need to focus. Ask yourself why you gambled? To pass the time? To escape? To change your life? You certainly changed your life, just not in the way you wanted. Unfortunately gambling only changes your life in 1 way. Don't believe the nonsense on facebook about people who win all the time. Groups who promise winning bets. Doesn't happen. Some people even pay others to tell them what to bet. That even takes the choice away! Gambling your money on someone else's guesses!!

Only 1 way to be rich. Don't gamble. I'm richer in so many ways now. I enjoy sitting doing nothing (couldn't do that before), I can enjoy nights out (couldn't do that before), I can be honest about money (definitely couldn't do that before!, most importantly I enjoy life now. I don't wake up with the fear. I sleep better. I eat better. I exercise. Basically, I'm a better version of myself. Did I seriously believe that if I won big, I would quit and be the person I am now? Of course I wouldn't. I spend even more time gambling, until I was back at square one.

I started this journey over 2 years ago. In that time, I've paid off my debts (crazy overtime), I've built a new life. I've found happiness in being a person in a way gambling could never do. The support on here has been amazing, and still is to this day. Not a day goes by I don't check in and read something. Helps keep the focus.

So where am I going with this? Good question (he says trying to think of an answer!). Well I suppose what I'm saying is that no matter how bad you think it is, with a bit of hard work and determination you can beat this. Life can be better, no matter how bad it seems now.

Stay strong 👍 (sorry for the ramble!)

Great post fish. I completely agree that finding why we gambled is the key. Gambling was what I thought was the solution but it wasn't the problem. I spend every day working on the problem and making it less of one each day. Building a life where there is no room, want or need for gambling or any other addictive behaviour