Determined to keep a diary

Day 144

Merry Xmas to you all. It's been a while! Life has been keeping me very busy. It's amazing what being debt free can bring into your life. Happy to say I'm still GF and aim on keeping it that way.

So what's been going on with me? Relationship still going strong. I've not told her about my gambling. I never plan on returning and have recently double checked all my blocks are in place. It's super locked down. I did not do this to try and gamble. I double checked my blocks and then tested them one night after seeing a story about gambling addiction on TV. It made me mad, so I went on a mission to double/triple check everything. Fully locked 👍. Should I tell her about it? Maybe one day I will, but hopefully I wont have to. I made a promise though that the first sign of a slip and I would come clean. NOT happening though!

Live in a new place. Not sure if I've updated since I moved. It's amazing. 2 bed, 2 story, apartment in an old listed building. Absolutely love it. Rents a killer, but so worth it. Super handy for work, and super handy for the city centre if I need to go there. Far enough out to not be busy though.

Dog still visiting once a week for a a few nights. Still love that guy. Wants constant walks so keeps me busy on my days off.

Still working hard but not doing so much overtime now. Work life balance has been restored a little, although I seem to have my dog on my days off now every week which leaves little time for myself.

Credit score is creeping up. I use a credit card now and pay it off. Long way to go, but nice to see it growing.

New year on the horizon, and a new me already forming. Going to keep at it, aim for more fitness, aim to spend more time with my amazing partner, spend more time cooking nice food, basically enjoy the life I missed out on spending 8 hours a day gambling. Still can't believe that was me. I'd miss hours, days, weeks, staring at a screen and riding an emotional roller coaster that never ended well. Weeks of stress wishing for payday. Getting excited as it drew near, telling myself I could pay some debts off and not gamble. Then promptly gambling and losing it all, only to repeat. What a fool!!

I've always said on here that we only gamble to win the life we would have if we didn't gamble and it's so true. The only thing missing is that dopamine buzz. Luckily this craving for dopamine fades and you don't need the massive hits. You can get by on small pleasures throughout the day, which make life much happier. Oh and you don't then have 3 weeks of stress until next payday!

In summary - In love, keeping busy, happy, gamble free!

Stay strong folks 👍 

@p6z38njbqm Fabulous read Fish and WELCOME BACK!!! 🤣🤣

I did think/hope your absence was purely down to you reaping the rewards of being g.f and spending more time doing the things you enjoy with your new partner 🩷👌. Really glad to read that this is the case 👍.

Your new place sounds fab. Am I right in thinking you are in Edinburgh? My son moved there beginning of December with his new job, working for the DWP. He is absolutely loving living in that city - albeit extremely expensive and his rent has tripled!🙈. He has gone back up there today, after spending four days home here with me over Christmas 🎄. His mate is then going up on 30th December to see in the New Year there with him and take in how it’s all goes down in Edinburgh!!😆🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿.

Enjoy the rest of the holiday season and please keep in touch as we head into 2026.

Your friend Pink (Lady) 🩷🍎.

Great to hear from you Fish! Glad your doing okay mate I was getting worried I can't lie. Sounds like a positive couple of months for you I'm glad your my end goal mate ! When I have a rough day I ask myself what would Fish she Pink Lady do 😂 funny how you guys become important figures even though I don't know either of you really !

Keep up the great work! 

@dazza85 Awh thanks Dazza!💙. 

I was only pointing out to Fish how, apart from his one lapse and my two separate lapses, we will both be coming up to 2 years g.f February for Fish and end of March for me in 2026! This makes me feel better when I look at it this way. Instead of thinking “I am only a 100 plus days g.f 🫤. Best leave it there as this is officially Fish’s diary!!😊

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Hi Fish 🐟💙.

Just wanted to say, I hope you have a lovely NYE, no matter what you are doing! Also, wishing you health and happiness for 2026 💪🙏.

Take care.

Your friend “Pinky”!

🩷🍎.

@p6z38njbqm excellent to check in and hear how everything is golden fish!

So pleased to read about the relationship, new place and not gambling

Day 170

Still plodding along. Still happy in my life and GF. Still checking in now and again, but I'm in a good place. Crazy to think what number I'd be on if I hadn't had a little lapse, however every day is a new GF day and I'm happy with my progress.

Had a few issues with casinos (dodgy ones) emailing me to say my account was active again. They got strongly worded email and shut down quickly. Absolute leeches. If anyone else gets this, please address it instantly. Don't let it fester thinking you are good. Temptation is the killer. Be strong with them, insist on action, take screenshots. I don't know who to report them to but I have evidence and will use it against them if they keep this up!

Anyway, back to work.

Stay strong 👍 

@p6z38njbqm Hi Fish

Glad to read all still good in your world 👌.

I thought if you have Gamban, those lousy, dodgy overseas gambling sites wouldn’t be able to contact you/would be blocked?? Anyway, like me now, it sounds like you have the right idea on how to deal with them straight away 👊👊👊🤣.

Have a lovely weekend ahead.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Hello hello & hooray for your continued life g free 🙌

It is amazing to feel that peace and freedom in daily life isn't it? Sounds like you are in really good place and I couldn't be more happier for you! Actually,  wf...you just gave me energy to actually put gym kit on and head over for light excersise! ...miracle indeed!

Keep up good work and keep winning the good fight!

Ps. Thank you for your kind words on my diary the other day...or month 😂

Take care and reap the rewards this life so easily offers

Day at a time

S&B xx

Good evening all. Long time, no speak! Still GF and actually feeling really good about it. There are still days when gambling pops in to my head, but I've learned to come on here and read something if the urge is strong. I've taken to reading the friends and family section allot. This illness impacts so much more than your bank balance. I would happily gamble away all my wages without a thought for others. It makes you more selfish than you ever realise until you hear others stories. Those who don't gamble.

I got accepted for finance today. I was really worried about this. My car was at the end of its contract and if I didn't get finance I would have had no transport. My credit score is still not great. Even with Stepchange, many lenders put me down as a missed payment. Annoying as I was paying them through Stepchange. Luckily it's all paid off, in full, and my missed payments are slowly moving back in time on my report. 6 years to get them off though. My finance option had to go to the underwriters for approval and I was imagining all kinds of situations. Thankfully I got approved. No idea how I'd cope. I suppose I would have had to use some savings and buy a cheap run around.

Glad to see the familiar names still GF. Sad to see new names starting their journey. I say sad. I mean sad that they have to start their journey. But I suppose happy that I know if they stick to the plan, they can be GF and then debt free in the future. 1 year of debt, or 10 year of debt. It doesn't matter. There is an end in sight once you commit, and once you get there it's what you always wanted. Want a night out. You can. Want to buy a gift for a loved one. You can. Want to get a finance plan on a car. You can (just about!!). What I'm saying is that, this is what we all really want. Living a life where we have money. They say money doesn't buy happiness, but it certainly helps when you have some!! Money brings stability, with stability comes relationships, with that comes happiness. 

Bit of a ramble this evening. Suppose I'm just in a happy mood. Good luck to everyone.

Stay strong 👍 

@p6z38njbqm Lovely to read that you have been accepted for finance on a new car Fish 🐟👏👏. Even better to read that you are HAPPY,👌.

Keep striding ahead and keep popping on to let us all know how you are doing as and when you can.

Your friend Pink 🩷🍎.

Day 202

Popped into the chatrooms tonight. Was great to see the positivity in there. Can't recommend them enough, especially in the first few months. Huge boost to confidence and so much good advice to be had. Nice to see some familiar names too.

So I should be on nearly 700 days GF, but obviously had the little lapse. I genuinely think it made me stronger, so don't feel too bad if you have one. I learned allot from it. And the fact I've only gambled once in 700 days is amazing considering I couldn't go 700 minutes before.

Not much to update this time round. Still going strong. Still enjoying the GF life. I said in the chatrooms that it's quite scary when you get your debt paid off. Obviously its a great day, but then you have to be accountable to yourself. You have to be sensible. Having money is daunting when you are so used to having none and struggling to make ends meet. For me that was 25-30 years of my life. I've never really been an adult with money. I'm still learning. I keep track of things like a hawk now though. Check my bank daily, sometimes several times. It always makes me smile seeing money in there. Makes it worthwhile.

Anyway, off to work.

Stay strong 👍 

Hi 

How is it all going ? Have you had a good week ?

Stuart

Day 222. Numbers are creeping up again. Well this has been a good week. Got my new car. Yay! Booked a holiday. Yay! Got my 2 Uni assignments done. Yay! Busy busy busy. All whilst working full time. Night shifts are very handy for doing assignments (I mean working hard!!).

I see Cheltenham was on. Luckily horse racing never interested me so that didn't matter, however I did notice a huge increase in adverts for gambling on the radio. It still amazes me that this is allowed. It's widely recognised that gambling is addictive. It's known it ruins people. I wonder if this will ever be recognised and banned like has happened with tobacco? I suppose because it's not killing millions of people it won't.  

Love seeing how active some people are on here. People like that got me through my early days. Stuart - keep it up. You'll be surprised how much it helps you, and others.

Hope my good friend @pinklady has found some work. Been thinking about you lately and how much stress you must be under. Will keep my thoughts with you ❤️ 

Anyway, I better actually do some work.

Stay strong 👍 

Hi Weirdfish

It's never bad thing to swim in the opposite direction to the shoal is it. I feel like there is a party going on, I'm invited, I'm available but I can't go and I accept that. Keep swimming upstream mate. Took me 44 long and painful years to realise that but you certainly don't need me to tell you that as you are a lot further into recovery. 

Would be great to see you in the chatrooms and talk more at some point. I know we conversed last month I think. 

What are you studying if you don't mind me asking ?