Diary 2

Like I said I I know I am still a novice and value and respect many of the posts written by people I have had silly spats with lately. My life HAS improved dramatically but I do not take that lightly and have much more to do. I'm not just posting dull cliches or trying to be an attention seeker but I can only describe my own experiences. Losing your temper on this forum or any other is pointless so to specific parties I apologise.

Hi. No acronyms today. Just had another bet-free day and bought my wife a nice coat in the sales which I wouldn't have even thought about in my selfish condition last year. So hope all is well with other people and take care. Phil.

I posted on another forum about GA and said there was only one meeting a weeking in Cardiff. A guy replied/implied that without GA and the steps etc there would be an almost inevitable return to gambling. Ouch! What do other people think? I know a lot of other people rate GA and "the program works if you work it". But are there any long term success stories here without going to GA? No snotty responses please. This is important to me. Thanks, Phil

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Thanks for the response.

Two hours in a dentist's chair (ouch) gives a person voluntarily or unvoluntarily time to reflect. I was thinking that I wasn't born with a propensity to gamble - in fact, up until I was 40 (four years ago) I had only been in a bookies about five or six times in my life and had never betted online. However, through out adult life I had always suffered with issues to do with anxiety and low self-esteem -for example, If I got a promotion at work I'd think I didn't deserve it. So basically dope, alcohol, C*****e etc have all been used (not that I had the insight at the time) to change uncomfortable feelings. I think that was the major thing with me and gambling - it wasn't necessarily the buzz or winning (which I rarely did) but a "temporary" distraction from feeling wretched.

d-ope, c-ocaine. Gees......

One thing that makes me sad is that in my day to day life I have nobody to talk to about my "recovery" if that's the right the word. People I know think I've somehow "cracked" it - recovered so to speak but I know I haven't. OK I'm following my own path, feel happier, regaining trust from my wife etc. but I know this is no joke and has to be taken seriously. Yeah I'm a bit of a date watcher but I know there is a lot more to it than that which is why I got upset when I explained why/how I don't gamble day to day and....well what happened....happened. So tranquilliser withdrawal, death of father in law, my mum poorly, wife had a dramatic health problem a couple of months ago, hand operation etc. People just see what is on the surface - everyone seems to be self-absorbed like I was when I was gambling. No snotty responses please as I am feeling fragile tonight but I'm grateful for another bet-free day. All the best, Phil.

Evening another good day - enjoyed watching some football with GOOD people. Still uncertain about acronyms but every day bet-free is great and I AM filling the "void" or "emptiness" daily. All the best on your individual journeys my friends. Phil

Hi friends. Fantastic day - super good news for my wife and I and I KNOW what happened would not have happened if I was still gambling. Anyway despite my reservations and as a relative newcomer I am going to say "one day at a time" - in my own way just like you - life gets better and better. All the best, Phil.

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HI there, thanks for the positive response. Really nice and enjoyable post to read so thanks again. Phil

Evening. Just been reading some other posts. I PERSONALLY do not think addiction is heriditary. In my family I have four siblings and I am the only one who smokes - maybe 5-10 a day. It's a disgusting habit which I am going to try and address this year. When I took drugs when I was younger - a lot younger - I didn't have any inclining of the consequences of starting off with something you smoke, brew, something you digest to dance at raves or something you stick up your nose. I had to learn the hard way. I thought I was having fun but I really wasn't - I nearly messed up my chances of getting a degree. Back to gambling - why did I only start compulsively gambling when I was 40? Four years ago? I think I know why but I feel a massive sense of reluctance to open up for various reasons on this forum. I'm sensitive yes but I can deal with constructive criticism. What I find hard is "this way or the highway". A lot of people using the forum are doing great THEIR way - not just thinking about money but other issues. I just wanted to share that as I had a tough day and again people think I've "cracked it" but I know this is a tippy toe journey but whatever path you take good luck and avoid the negavity even if it is your first day bet-free - just my view as always as a relative newbie. Best wishes, Phil.

Have to agree Phil, I don't think gambling is heriditary either. I actually had words with my Dad about it a few years ago - he moved back over from the mainland after his latest split with his then partner and was depressed and drinking all the time. He started saying that his father's problems with alcohol and gambling linked to his own problems and then mine i.e. heriditary. Even though I was still actively gambling at the time and let him know in no uncertain terms what I thought of that. It felt like a cop-out to make excuses for why we do the things we do. If we look hard enough we can find excuses anywhere. Both my parents have had problems with alcohol whilst we (my brothers and I) were growing up but none us us do. Likewise both parents have always smoked but my silblings and I never have.

I prefer to take responsibility for my own actions. Is there a 'gambling gene' or is it herediatary? Personally I don't think so but if there is I refuse to use it as an excuse for my own actions.

All the best in your continued recovery Phil

Hi Sam. Thanks for your post I agree with taking responsibility but I also respect whatever reasons people think may have caused their addictions whether I agree or not! Best wishes to you as well, Phil.