Don't Lose Your Head

Just dropping by to say thanks for posting and I hope Tuesday has been kind. Stay warm.

Thank you Sandra, Annie and Lulubobs. Your support means a great deal to me.

Saw the Pulmonary Nurse on Monday regarding my breathing difficulties. She is referring me for physio classes plus talks, will have to live with it as best I can. I went for a swim in the evening and got talking to a friend who is also a nurse and it turned out she was best friends with the nurse I had seen in the afternoon. Small world isn't it.

Salsa class was cancelled tonight so I went swimming again and sat in the steam room for a while. They are the times when my breathing is at it's best so will try and go every day if I can. It's also nice and warm after being out in the cold.

The nurse recommended I do Yoga so I have booked in a class at the gym on friday and I can have a swim and a steam afterwards.

Monthly works pension in the bank tomorrow (wednesday) and weekly state pension on thursday so will need to be sensible and strong. Following my 6 months gamble free I heve relapsed a few times over the last few months. I really need to show more courage and restraint so the diaries don't just become a place to confess my sins.

Such lovely people on the diaries. It breaks my heart to read of the hardships our friends have to endure. Only a fellow compulsive gambler can understand why we return to gambling when we know full well where it is going to lead. It's as if our mind becomes fixated on gambling and any sense of reason simply go's out of the window.. At times like this the only thing we can think of is gambling. We either have to be highly motivated or have blocks in place and no access to money. Memories of past losses are simply swept under the table.

Take care my gamcare friends. Wishing you all a good wednesday...stephen

Morning Diary. Chilly outside but i am inside, feasting on my porridge and feeling ok.

Payday today so obviously I will be a trifle wary and on my guard.

I have a sign on my front door. " No junk mail & no gambling demons." Ha ha only joking I don't mind the junk mail.

Hi Stephen, congratulations on 3 weeks. Thank you for your message on my diary. We are about the same number of days so will keep checking in on you.
I now see pay day as a happy day and put as much as I can away into my Australia savings account or my English account (where all my debts come out of) which I have to pay a transaction fee but it means I won't want to pay more to transer it back again.

Keep it up. I need to read your diary from the start to understand a bit more about you, will do that later today.

Dan.

Hi Stephen. Hope the porridge kept you warm. Really enjoyed the snow myself - went for a long walk for no reason, just to get out in the fresh air without any traffic etc. Looks like the new name is going to be a winner! Not posting much, but check out diaries every day, and always enjoy reading your entries, and delighted to see you back clocking up the days. Cheers. Rich

Thank you for the posts on my diary Dan & Rich.

Massive let down today. My monthly works pension ended up in a fobt machine.

A friend rang to see how my chest was and I told her about my gambling loss. She has loaned me money to cover my bills and she is going to hold my bank card in the future. Every Sunday I will get money off it to last me the week.

Maybe time to step up to the plate & stop expecting others to bail you out. When will you accept your plan for stopping doesnt work? Post a tune, tell everyone how wonderful they are, start a new diary with a new name.
The reality is Stephen your plan at stopping clearly sucks.
Face reality.

What youre doing doesnt work.

So change it.

For gods sake man do you want your gravestone to read he let us down, he was a gambler

Thank you day@atime for your constructive criticism.

A trusted friend is now holding on to my bank card. I see nothing else on the horixon which might help in my recovery.

It took numerous attempts to stop alcohol at age 40 and cigarettes at age 50 but I did it and I will one day beat the gambling addiction as well.

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