Hi LB,
Thanks for touching the base and lovely words of encouragement вє
Just for the record...me is no spider murderer :-0 i actually did a good deed and got that glass out the other day!!! No kidding - first time in my life i actually cought it and let it outside 😉 ..well proud of myself вє...maybe worth mentioning that it was microscopic "money spider" :-/ ...but still...progress huh ...
Good to see you in fighting spirit and am very proud of you. Keep making the right choice lovely lady and keep claiming your life back. You're worth it!!!
S x
All was going well. I was feeling great, life was good and the gambling urge was under control. Then the bank sent through a replacement card as my old one (the one which I had shredded to break my triangle) had expired. I decided to put it in my purse. It stayed there for a few days and I didn't think about it. Then it began calling me but I was able to resist. I really didn't want to give in. With hindsight I should have just shredded the new one. I held out and held out, but then on Monday I caved. I've gambled every day since then.
I don't really know how to feel. I'm not really annoyed or surprised. Disappointed in myself certainly and embarrassed that I'm back to day 1 again. I was tempted to lie and pretend that I hadn't gambled, but what's the point of that? I really only have two choices. Either give up the fight and carry on gambling, or dust myself off and start again. The fact that I'm here writing this, I guess means that I've chosen option number two. It's gutting to be starting again after 90 days gamble free but I know that there are people on here who have tried, and tried again and eventually they've succeeded. And so begins day one...again
LifeBegins x
Hello mrs Liberty вє
Yes, that's right - liberty is what all of us are aiming for.
So tough times recently? :-/ ...you gave me right boll****g not long ago about software and blocks. (Thank you for that btw 😉 )..now...what about yourself? Obvs having a card bk does'nt help, what about permanent self exclusions and blocks? I know I'm not active on here no more, but hell this site saved my sanity and life more than once. Keep posting girl! Thers is amazing community on here, don't suffer in silence..come on here, scream, swear, shout and cry! You will not be on ur own.
You are very rite. We cannot give up on giving up. Man...the number of times i beat myself up over a slip (first one was £2 worth). It's all in our minds and i guess you are quite sensitive soul also so all I'm trying to say - slip is a slip, we gotta stand bk up and move on.
I also think these words will be falling on deaf ears now..that's ok, i know how it goes myself. Not million words can change how you feel but the most important thing is - you have a power hun! You truly do.
Deep breath in, middle finger up at mr G (i know..childish, but hey - it works 😉 ), accounts closed, security number off the card scratched off and just maybe...as icing on the cake - a little smile can be assembled вє...simply because no f****r is worth your tears!
It won't be easy, but you..as me - have it in you! Keep believing in yourself mrs Liberty - you're worth peace and freedom bk in ur life
Sandra x
Bit busy @ the mo as you know LB but I have every faith in you that you will keep moving forwards - ODAAT
Glad you chose option 2:)
Keep strong and keep safe.
Suzanne xxx
How are you feeling today girl?
S x
Day 3
So, back on the straight and narrow after my recent stupidity. I feel ok. Not up, not down...just kind of flat really. I've spent the weekend trying to figure out why I did it, but the only real reason is because I wanted to and having my bank card back meant I could. I can't blame it on being sad, depressed, lonely, stressed or bored.I didn't have overwhelming cravings that I couldn't fight.I simply wanted to have a ching and I had no blocks in place to stop me. What shocked me was just how quickly I went straight back to the old patterns. Just £50...ok, one last deposit...I'll get my balance up to X then I'll cash out...just 10 more spins, no make it 20...one more £100, then that's it...I'll def cash out after the next bonus...the bonus must be coming soon...thank god, it's all gone and now it's finished. As always, I felt relieved when it was over. How mad/sad this crazy game is.
What I learnt from it was that I'm not yet ready to live without blocks and so the bank card is shredded again. I don't need it and I can't (yet) resist temptation when it's there, so I'm better off without it.
I also learnt that my day to day mood is much better when I'm not gambling. The fleeting "high" when I'm winning is so overshadowed by the low when I'm not, that it really isn't worth it. No great damage has been done. I didn't take any money which wasn't mine, and I haven't told any lies or been deceitful. Little things have upset me the most...resetting my day count, seeing online transactions on my bank account again, not being able to put my pound coin in my "I haven't gambled today" jar 🙁
Still, most importantly I've got back up and I'm ready to fight again. Mr.G may win a few battles along the way, but I'm determined to win the war.
OAU,
LifeBegins x
Hi LB,
Thank you very much for your posts and encouragement вє
Really good to have you back and posting. I guess the thoughts are all over the place for you..."why", "how", "why now"..
Well, it happens I'm afraid and i truly love your attitude towards this slip! You stood up!!! You did and you're trying again, and it's amazing to witness..
Recovery is not perfection..it is slow progress we are working towards and you know this yourself.
"I also learnt that my day to day mood is much better when I'm not gambling."....and that's my lovely lady just sums recovery up вє
Keep on this road, good things will never stop coming your way and you more than worth them!
Ohhh...and you cut up ur card huh..very good! Little things/blocks makes huge difference on vulnerable times so well done you - keep at it!
One day at a time right...you know the drill gal 😉
S x
Hi LB,
Thanks for your post :))
Luv your positive attitude, keep walking the walk, and keep going OAUs, one day at a time.and keep one step ahead,
Take care and keep safe.
Suzanne xxx
Just a quick check in to say I'm still here. Bit of a poxy week and my mood is still flat. Have been keeping busy but still feeling bored and restless.
This mood will pass eventually. Just got to ride the storm 🙂
LifeBegins x
You have to ride it LB because the alternative is getting dragged down into it & you've crawled too far to let a passing storm drag you in now!
The whole 'Mrs' thing is still making me chuckle & I was a little disappointed that the hotel couldn't get to grips with the new surname...Since my Spanish extends to hello, thank you & dos cervezas por favor (no good to me) I had to make do with a Mrs & my old name!
Keep fighting the boredom & don't let Mr Gamble kid you on that he can take away your restlessness, he's been lying to you for how long, no chance he's gonna start telling the truth now!
Keep fighting - ODAAT
Hey girl!
Just a short one...or maybe not lol..just want to share something with you.
You say blocks on computer will only make things tough with ur little angels (no matter how old they are..they always be your little angels)
Just from my own experience...when mr G is calling, we tend to forget the rest..the number of times i asked my house sharer to look after my laptop...man...didn't i hacked in trying hundret of passwords ...and i did log in eventually...such a shame and guilt 🙁
You can't stay safe from yourself. Why yourself? Simply cause mr G is attached to you for life. Good days - bad days...he keeps calling unexpected 🙁
I just want you safe. I truly get what you mean about this situ, it is tough...what absolutely breaks my heart (God forbid)...ur little angels finding out this lil dirty secret in a long haul...don't have to be today or tom or next month...you're vulnerable as all of us who didn't put blocks on.
i am not the one to spk..i have a tablet bk form someone i wholeheartedly trust..i didn't use it since (must b 2 months now)...i am simply scared to used it...my phone - f**k all on it but i am fighting head on to refuse the never ending offers...they do come...and I'm just open to temptation. I don't know if i succumb one day, i know im not safe...i have no excuse really...except the block i had stopping me communicating with ppl from here..it played with my apps simple as texts...
My credit card is wit someone i truly trust...one from you guys ....i have to transfer my leftovers of the wage straight into Bonds which helps cause if i have an urge i will have to wait at least 3 days for my money to get bk to my acc...which buys me time...& lets admit it - urge passes in that time.
I am trying to spit the words out here..
i just want you safe from the temptation...it doesn't necessarily includes you..you have more ppl to care about, please don't make it a waiting bomb to explode in their faces.
You matter, your loved ones matters...you have a wonderful life ahead of you, please keep choosing NO! Keep looking for alternatives to keep u and the ones you care about safe!
Recovery is a journey, don't be scared of it, it is the only way forward with all the ups & downs it brings.
You're doing it, please lean on extra support because you simply need it. Sometimes thinking that saving others is the way forward is the indicator that we need that "safe" feeling ourselves. Do not underestimate the power of addiction! It is strong, but recovery lives within you - embrace it lovely lady!
I believe in you вє
S x
How are you keeping on?
(((((((Mrs Galaxy - Liberty)))))))))
😉
Never losing faith...dammit..who would?
S x
Keep going LB, keep strong, gambling only does one thing for us, it harms us in every way.
Suzanne xxx
Thank you lovely gamcare witches for checking in and checking up on me. Muchos appreciados (that one was for you ODAAT!).
I'm doing ok. Back on the wagon and feeling ok about it. No great urges. Have been reading a lot of posts and articles on here which have really got me thinking. Haven't got time today to put my thoughts down on here but really want to, so I'll make sure I find some time later in the week.
So for today ( and that's all I need to think about right now) I feel ok and I know I will not gamble.
LifeBegins X
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