Fallen Mans Recovery Diary

I do apolgise, I did write that in paragraphs and they've all disappeared!

Hi FM, hope things are all good? Hopefully your work has calmed down a bit? Speak soon, Gav

Alright mate, hope all well?

Alright lad noticed u havent posted in around 3 weeks, I hope things are still ok mate?

Journal Day 105

Still gamble free, and no thoughts/urges to the contrary. Apologies for disappearing, the last few weeks were leading up to putting live a lot of the code I have been developing at work. The pressure, mainly from slightly ludicrous deadlines has been immense and as a result I have been working around the clock - i have done this before, but as I get older I find it more and more difficult to work through without sleeping and still be effective the next day. Anyways, I am digressing. Im now back and am looking forwards to a well earned Xmas break - I effectively have a very light workload now until January 5th so ill spend some proper time with the family over Xmas and generally wind down a bit.

I hope everyone else is doing ok and remaining gamble free. When I get some time today between meetings I will check in and catch up with everyones diaries.

Cheers for looking in on me Gav, will go and read your diary in a mo.

Best Regards,

FM

Hi FM,

Glad to see you back on your diary and still gamble-free. It's easy to fear the worst when people don't post for a long time.

Enjoy your Christmas, it sounds like you deserve it!

excellent to hear from you mate and glad things going ok! Im sure your looking forward to xmas after that project!

Morning sir, I hope your workload has calmed down a bit? Keep strong, i've often found in the past where periods of stress have left me wanting to gamble as a release. Or After a hard period of work, I often felt it necessary to reward myself with a gambling spree! Crazy !

Hi FM, hope those days aee racking up mate?

Good Xmas mate? Hope all is well ? You've been doing so well im sure you feel you prob dont need the site anymore. I would log in once a month or so , thats the advice I was given.

Hi FM,

Hope you are well. How about an update?

Thanks for your support back in October when I needed it most.

Journal Day 127

Hi All,

Apologies again for my disappearance !. Sadly work didnt quite slacken off in the way I was initially expecting so Xmas has been a bit of a mix of chaotic hosting and just general Christmas stress and then squirrelling away hours/days to work when I can - hey ho though it pays the bills (and debts) eh !.

Christmas has been tough this year, the entire family seems to be ill at the moment so the big day itself was a bit of a damp squib, and being home for an extended period has unfortunately brought back into focus part of what I think triggered my gambling spell in the first place - my homelife, this isnt the right place to discuss this here but suffice it to say Ive felt quite down and have been struggling pretty much since the day I flew home. The positive I am drawing from this is that I have gone for a few long walks, locked myself in the office, and ive drunk more than I would usually (its Christmas though, so this was easy enough to do) I havent at any point been tempted to assuage my my stress with a gambling binge. So I am still clean, still gamble free and still have no desire to return to that place. I keep reminding myself of that and that I have many many other things to be thankful for, I really shouldnt be stressing or indeed wallowing in self pity at the moment - other people have real problems, and I am sure many of our number on this board have had more familiar and difficult demons to fight during the festive period. I shall man up and get back on with things - I fly back out for work again in a few days time so I should be able to slip into a more familiar rythmn then. Apologies for sounding negative, I try to keep my messages positive on here, not just where gambling is concerned but in general.

Anyhoo. Thanks to everyone that looks out for me on here, I do appreciate it and it warms the cockles of my heart on a frosty December day. I really hope you are all well, and that you have been able to stay away from thoughts of gambling and instead enjoy thoughts of Christmas cheer, and a few too many mince pies with your nearest and dearest.

@Sonic - yup mate still plugging away. 127 days now apparently !. Hope you are doing well too.

@Paul - you are most welcome chap, I will look in on your diary when I get a mo and update myself on your progress too. I hope you are doing well.

@gav Hi mate. Really hope youve had a good Chrimbo and are still enjoying the gambling free life. I keep meaning to get out whilst its still crisp and bright and play some winter golf (badly) but I have not been able to find the time yet - hope youve made up for me !. I still feel like the site is worthwhile for me, definitely and I will still be logging in as I think despite feeling like Ive got a handle on things I need to keep my recovery "current" in my head such that I avoid the dreaded complacency. I have just found it much harder to get time in private to be able to read and post whilst I am back at home. Ill be online more again from next Monday onwards.

Take Care all, and have a good new year - ill see you in 2015 !.

Warmest Regards,

FM.

Hi FM,

It's good to read you are 127 days gamble free, just want to wish you a very happy New year.

Suzanne xx

Hi mate sounds like you've had a rough enough Christmas, sorry your going through a tough time with the familly etc I can def relate to that with my bro and I falling out with our parents over Xmas and still hasnt been resolved.

But hey through the entire thing you've stayed away from gambling which is great! Any stress for me years ago would always result in a gambling binge.

I'd try and adress whatevers making you unhappy etc, and try and make a change, you cant go living or pretending your happy to other s, Anyway i'll not go on about it, but if your not happy do something about it.

Apart from the familly stuff my Xmas was pretty good, my wee man loved his scalextric s ( so do I!) spent xmas day with the wifes folks and did all the normal things.

Actually pretty good to be back in work now, my kids were starting to do my head in lol, gives me a break.

Good to have you back lad, hope things start to pick up for you, sounds like your getting hit from all fronts at the minute. And throughout this youve remained gamble which is fantastic!

Journal Day 134

Back at work, and generally a lot more chilled. The chaos of Christmas gives way to day to day routine, I never was one that "lived to work" so to speak but I do find that work "normalises" things in a way which I miss when I am on leave. Anyway, Im wittering.

I am still feeling good about not gambling, and I have no fears that I will slip. I do notice now and again that in my absent minded moments I sometimes day dream about gambling, I remember the individual slots I used to frequent etc, and confusingly I almost look back "fondly" which is odd given that I hate what gambling made me, and I will never gamble again. These daydreams are momentary though and always end with me sweeping the thoughts aside easily, I am not sure how to explain this, but I never feel worried that these day dreams will coalesce into a tangible want or urge.

So Im good, starting the new year strong and all that. There is something very hopeful about having a "new year" to keep a clean sheet throughout, and I am looking forwards to doing so (and the benefits that will come from doing so). I hope everyone else is feeling up to the fight in 2015 and is in good spirits.

Best Regards,

FM