First day of the rest of my life...

Hi Suzy, you were right I was back to gambling , it is worse than ever though, betting higher and more often, self excluding then finding a new site , vicious circle. I don't understand why I can not stop. So here I am day 1 all over again, praying for the strength to make it through this time.

Hi MM,

Welcome back,

Try the triangle that is used on here,

Time

Money

Location

If you take one of these away its so mpossible to play, it really has helped me.

Here's to day 1 well done for coming back and not giving up, I have learnt from reading other diaries, recovery is all about progress, and by coming back here you certainly are progressing.

Take care and stay strong, the days will add up again, just take one day at a time

Suzanne xx

Thank you Suzanne , I shall certainly try the triangle. Just so disappointed in myself right now, how much I wish I could go back in time and never start at all. I've got money yet I waste loads trying to win some but I'm losing more than I'm winning, makes me feel sick. Here's to the next few hours. Thank you

Well hello MM and welcome back!!

I am delighted to see you back posting. Isn't it frightening how difficult it is to quit gambling?

It drags us back in with hopes of a big win but never works out.

I wrote on my diary that it seems glitzy, but now I am thinking how sleazy it is.

Nobody wins. They just seem to win.

Start over again and you will be a winner every day you don't gamble.

Take care,

Suzy

Such a failure, couldn't even last a day!! Why am I doing this, so mad at myself

mrs_me, as before, you are back which means you haven't given up giving up 🙂 What a wonderful time to return, just right for giving yourself the greatest gift of all for Christmas, recovery!

You can do this! I have never gotten on with the Internet stuff (fruit machines being my poison) but other diaries talk of gambling blockers which you must install, at once if you can. This is a very difficult & bumpy journey but you want to do this or you wouldn't be here & your want is the most important tool you will need for this fight! You know for a fact you can do 9 days, so nothing to be scared of til then. Put this last slip behind you & move on with all of us by your side - ODAAT

Thank you odaat, your words have encouraged me. I have just spent the last hour researching different types of gamblers and how to help with recovery, I just feel like such a failure when I added up how much money I've spent this month, a whole family could live on that money for a month. It has been much worse since my 9 days, not sure why but I was back to it with larger amounts. I am trying to think tomorrow is Christmas Eve what a brilliant day it will be to be day 1 again and hopefully the last day 1 I will ever do. I have just put the gambling block on my router with my bt account , thank you odaat

Here goes, day 1 again. Usually by this time i would of been online probably already wasted £50 + , although it's been that bad this month I've been spending £100+ a day, it's crazy money and makes me sick! I will do this, I have too! Lots to keep me busy today so that should help today go well .

Hi Mrs me,

Well done for keep getting back on that rollercoaster, hold on tight, use the triangle, and every barrier you can think of, keep busy,

and have a good Xmas eve.

Suzanne xx

Day 3 now going ok, going on holiday today and by time I come back it will be day 11 🙂

Hi MM,

That holiday will get the early days clocked up. You enjoy yourself and be kind to yourself. Come back refreshed and full of energy to quit gambling for ever. Those slots don't payout anymore. All the reviews show all they do is take in money. Money better spent on lovely holidays!!! Enjoy it all.

Suzy

Here I am again (ashamed) why oh why oh why do I do this ! Why can I not stop . I just want the strength to get through this.

That's it decision made, I am at my absolute lowest point this evening I have ever been! I have tried before and failed , sucked straight back in. I don't want to look back in another years time and say I wish I had done it that time. It really is time to change. From This moment on, I am done! I can and will do this.

Feeling ok this morning, got a busy day ahead that should help, fingers crossed

Hey Mrs.

Believe in yourself, you can do this. I tried to stop 3 or 4 times and kept getting sucked back in. However this time I have made it almost impossible for myself to play online slots. I installed K9 on my computer and tapped in a random password that I will never remember. I finally cut up all the credit cards that I had been using to gamble and I self excluded from all the sites that I had been using.

If you are serious about it then you need to take whatever steps are necessary to prevent yourself from gambling. I kept thinking that I could do it with willpower but I now know that I couldn't. I had to have the barriers in place.

Good luck, I will check back again tomorrow when you are a whole day gamble free.