First day to end this addiction

Well done on 100 plus days Sharon. You say a drop in the ocean but it is much more than that. To someone who is fresh from their latest loss 100 days is distant hope. Give yourself some credit you have earned it. It is so true what you say about abstinence and compassion. Addiction fuels selfishness and blinkers us. Once the blinkers are removed we can see others apart from ourselves and then we can feel compassion for others. When I used to read diaries I used to think same old sad story . So many diaries now mortified me to the point where I feel guilty about my own recovery - why do I deserve to succeed and not them. Sorry to ponder all over your diary. Just wanted to say well done and agree with your insight.

Mark

Thanks Markman your words are very kind, I don't mean to be 'oh just 100 days' but sometimes I can't help but compare it to 5 years of gambling . Also no need to apologise, ponder away! !. If I can help anyone in my way, shape or form to get through this journey then all the better ad I know for sure I couldn't have made it thus far without the support of everyone here. I am a non teller for my own reasons so here is the only place to let it all out. So mucho congrats on your 169 and don't feel guilty about recovery I guess it'S a healing process, take care S:)

Hi awesome Sharon , nice to see you happily settling into the 2nd century , you have a wonderful sense of humour and display kindness and dignity .

Post 146 touched a raw nerve with me ; " Your life is short . You have no clue when this ride will end . Stay present and live fearlessly " . So poignant and never a truer word said .

For me it is a sobering reminder ..... Age 66 .... Savings , a lump of my works pension , redundancy payment , all given to the casinos and bookmakers . On a debt repayment plan and nothing to leave the loved ones . Think it might be an idea if i pay monthly into a funeral plan and going to look into it .

Thankyou Sharon , you frequently inspire me in many different ways . Take care . Stephen. x

As always Stephen you are very kind and do acknowledge that you are so encouraging and positive to so many on this forum. Although obviously you can't undo what has been done you are fighting a good fight 100% with your heart and soul, anyone can see that! It It makes me happy and humble for your to say that I have inspired you even more reason to soldier on, take care S:)

Sharon has her moments , she has her ups n downs

Some days she has a happy smile , some days she has a frown

Determined , strong , ready , eager to answer to the calls

Lets go get that addiction and kick it in the . . . . . !

Lol you have such a way with words, brilliant!! Must say feeling pretty kickass today, hope your having a super GF day too S:)

After a up and down kind of week I had a great chat with someone who has written a motivational book. I obvs didn't mention gambling but suggested I had low self esteem etc . But she was talking about how negative thoughts destroy our self worth and stop us from moving forwards in life. I'm going to get a copy and will report back, anything to keep on track. Have a great GF werkend everyone S:)

Great weekend, yesterday working then today decided to forget housework, work, debt, money worries and headed out for a long walk with a good friend, Have spent a lot of time thinking about how I view myself and have realised I don't cut myself much slack and maybe the gambling cycle was a way of making myself miserable which I thought I deserved if that makes sense?. So am going to grab the motivation book I spoke of in my last post and really try and Draw a line with the debt I have, make one monthly payment and then put it in a box in my head that only opens once a month, But as ever I am so grateful for the support and encouragement here also reading diaries helps me understand more everyday. Take care and here's to another GF week S:)

Thanks for your post sharon, you should be proud of yourself, you're doing so well!!
I hope your book helps you. You seem to be a lovely caring person and yes, you probably do need to cut yourself some slack and so should you Stephen (abstainer - I know you read sharon posts!)
We've got to learn from the past and not let it hinder what we do today.
You have to take time out to start enjoying life again. Stop beating yourself up, you are good people and worthy of happiness. Never forget that.
All good wishes x

Lml thanks for posting, I had full intentions of positivity and be kind to Sharon yesterday.. Unfortunately mid/late evening my teenager daughter gave me quite a verbal bashing over 'why can't we have a better house or a car etc' Just to give a bit of background I've been a single parent since her birth (16 years ago' and have always been on minimum wage type jobs. But of course I know if I hadn't gambled We would be in a much better financial position. So right now I feel I have hit my rock bottom, the only way I could feel worse about mysrlf is if I was still gambling which isn't going to happen. Sorry for such a negative post hut I guess the only way is up from here S:)

It's a rollercoaster Sharon! Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world & beating yourself up when others are doing it for you doesn't make it hurt less! There are people here with better houses & flash cars still making the same desperate choices you made & your little girl will look back in years to come & cringe @ the words she has bestowed upon you today! Finances shminances, my niece & nephew have everything material they want (thank goodness they don't want) but they would give it all up in a heartbeat to live in a shoebox with their mum back from heaven! You can't change the past but you can continue to give her the best gift of all (love) by looking after yourself & doing everything you can & need to find your balance.

Onwards & upwards - ODAAT

Thank you so much for this reality check ODAAT, after a frosty response before leaving the house this morning I just felt wounded and upset because despite gambling I have put my all into parenting, as I should.But mid morning she did come and apologise, had a mutual cry and it has blown over. Ineed all the money in the world doesn't buy love or happiness. Thanks again and I will continue to carry on being GF and restoring my self belief, Take care S:)

Just getting my telescope ready ! A brilliant star will be visible over the horizon in 10 minutes !

Yabba Dabba Do & Yeeeeha ..........." 110 Day Sharon " getting brighter by the day .

Thanks as ever for your encouragement, pretty happy today to be ticking over the days S:)

Morning Sharon . Just wanted to wish you well . 56 Days since I last gambled , on that day you were 56 days into your travels . In some ways it seems like ages ago but than it can feel like it was only yesterday . Thankyou so much for your help on my journey , I have always feel reassured seeing you up ahead in the distance kicking gambling demons bottoms ....... stephen x