First time on here. First time telling anyone.

I fully understand your predicament, express, because sometimes it's not always easy to break bad news to a loved one, because there is the bigger picture to consider, for example, in your current situation.

However, as you said in your first post, you can 'make good'. I.e. replenish the savings in time, your thinking that you may be able to cover this loss. And you just might. Still a risk; but you might.

I'll just say this. You can exchange security for excitement, but not necessarily exchange it back again.

What I mean is, make damned sure you don't gamble again, day by day. Seek support if you need it; even counselling. You can take an hour out for this, possibly. It's free via Gamcare, no harm in finding out what's possible, if you think it'll help. Y'know, most people gamble for an underlying reason, as an 'escape'. Worth thinking about this point.

Remember, you're not a cat with 9 lives. You've spent your 'extra life' and this is it, and I believe you know this. You cannot do this again. Accept this fact now.

I hope you don't mind me being frank, but you know you've got a simple choice at this juncture. Choose life, and do the right thing for not just you but your loved ones who don't deserve this, or choose misery. Real long term misery.

My personal opinion is you'll do the right thing, and whether you are able to share this loss with your fiancГ© or not, you'll jump off this express train to destruction and be 100% resolved to stop it, day by day, forever. The upside is tremendous. All the best, express; and I have high hopes for you actually.

Thank you very much for those wise words Mixer. It's nice to know help and advice is here. I am going to give it everything I have got and more.

Good night guys x

Day 7 GF.

Loss is still on my mind all the time. I know I need to forget about it and I'm trying my best. Time is a healer I guess. I'm believing this loss was what I needed to sort my life out and make me seek help. Keeping strong for the sake of mine and my fiancГ©s future. 1 week gone since the start of this. Let's make it another week!!!

Day 7 GF.

Loss is still on my mind all the time. I know I need to forget about it and I'm trying my best. Time is a healer I guess. I'm believing this loss was what I needed to sort my life out and make me seek help. Keeping strong for the sake of mine and my fiancГ©s future. 1 week gone since the start of this. Let's make it another week!!!

What practical barriers have you put into place to eliminate your access to gambling?

I've blocked my accounts. Mentally I'm so determined because I know one gamble and it will cost the wedding and a mortgage. Like I said, we can still afford both of these things and luckily the money I lost was just money I won so not in any debt or anything. I just need to focus. Patience is a big killer also with me. I just want to be able to have the funds now even though I know it's possible to save in time. I'm going to just knuckle down and give my fiancГ© the wedding and life she deserves. Apart from being able to pluck up the courage to tell her which is cowardly of me I know. I just can't loose her to this.

Day 8 GF

Money on my mind still. I know we will be ok to pay for the wedding it's just such a stupid thing I done. Been thinking and I really was a secret gambling addict all those years. I've been depressed and ashamed for years and never pinned it down to just that. Still focusing on the future and trying to be mend my addiction.

Hi express! Great to hear you are keeping the progress going. I know exactly what you mean about patience, but alas, this gig is just "one day at a time" and it can't be rushed. "Take each day as it comes and fit myself to it" is what the GA orange book says.

Step Nine also says, "Make direct amends to people you've harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." So, the way I see that, you need to decide whether laying this all out to your fiancГ© would do more harm than good? If you feel sure you will be able to see this through and won't be relapsing, then there is a certain logic to that, even though, as you admit to yourself that could be being cowardly. But, if you fall from grace (and I really hope you don't) the negative consequences could be a lot worse. A lot of the partners of CGs I know have said they think of what their CGs have done as akin to having an affair, and it strips away the trust in just the same way. No-one, absolutely no-one can tell you what to do and I am sure no-one on this forum will. They, like I, will just give you their thoughts and insight through their experience. Whatever you decide, the best of luck.

Evening of day 8 GF

Just popping on as I'm feeling very low at the moment. I'm just so ashamed and my partner doesn't deserve it. She is so generous and caring, she deserves someone better. Thank you whatami. Those words are very helpful. I agree that telling her would hurt her more. Everything is fixable financially. I just got to keep thinking it was only money I won in the first place and i needed this loss to get on here and seek help.

Good night guys

I wasn't told. My children and I found out the hard way.

The lost money is irrelevant. It's the gambling and associated deceit that hurts, not the telling. Keeping quiet may allow you to stay in your comfort zone but it's not comfortable for you, it's not fair on her and honesty going forward is vital if things are to change. And if nothing does change, then what will be different?

Would you like her to do the equivalent to you? Keep a damaging secret so that your choices are distorted and based on a foundation of lies?

You won't put the money back quietly, it just doesn't happen that way. There are four basic pieces of advice to overcome the addiction: honesty with family and those around you, meetings, counselling and barriers. It's doable but not alone and in secret.

Hope you make the choices that will turn things round.

CW

Day 10 GF

On my mind a lot less know. By a lot less I mean not every 30 seconds. No urges to even think of gambling. Really going to keep this going as it is a healthy reminder of how toxic gambling is. Can't wait to look back on it a year from now and know how far I have come and how unhappy it made me.

Also it's such a great place to vent seeing as I am a very hard person on the outside and struggle to let anybody in or know how depressed I am. I know it's better out than in but I'm using this as my 'out'.

Day 11 GF

Morning guys. Just popping on during my break. Feeling ok today. I've worked out my finances and will by able to save 40k by the time of the wedding which is Sep 2018. I'm tucking away an extra £200 a month of my own money on top of what I'm already saving. That means cutting back on the niceties for myself until then. This is all doable if I stay away from gambling which I will because this wedding is the most important thing to me now. I'm still extremely ashamed and mortified by what I have done but nothing can change that now and I'm still continuing to focus on the bright future.

If I was you I would put that money in an account that can not be accessed until the wedding. You can keep putting money in but you can't take it out on a whim, plus you'd probably get a better interest rate. If you have a problem like you say you do you'll get it back up to 20k and BOOM you'll think £500 doesn't matter....then a grand will be gone, then 2k, then 5k.....then back to square one. Don't think that willpower alone will work. It won't. Good luck 🙂

Hi express. So much of what you say resonates with me. I haven't told my wife and will continue not to at this stage as I sense that you, like me, see what it will do to her as just too much. I've been with my Mrs for 18 years (and I'm only 35) and we have 2 little kids. In my opinion the telling them thing has to be right for you. I appreciate what CW says but it's a bit harsh laying all that and her bad experience at your door if you are someone who can genuinely sort it out yourself. There aren't many but they do exist and let you be one of them. What Shorty1966 says above about putting the money into an account which cannot be accessed is first class advice. Even pay it into the other halves account if need be! I am lucky to earn decent money like you but you can just lose more in those circumstances. But you can also slowly (one step at a time) start to replenish the losses as you're in a fortunate financial position. To be in that position you have obviously done well for yourself so don't let it go to waste.

I am talking as someone who stopped for 3 months between September and December but fell off the recovery track again. Haven't lost money that I otherwise needed (fortunately) but it still makes me sick to the stomach thinking what I could have done with that x thousand pounds! I'm now starting again and hope I can last longer this time. All the very best, keep going and stay motivated with your wedding as your big goal