fitzys investment in his future = 26.5.14 = lightbulb moment

Hi jess ,

Thanks so much for your reply , your doing great.

Yes I agree is matter of fighting through the sh*tty days and feelings that everyone has , without resorting to gambling .

Going to start setting little targets and goals to help me.

Did my first 5k parkrun today in 36 mins which felt great , you know what it gave me same euphoria and buzz as gambling.

I totally recommend running , I feel addicted and high still , and it's positive unlike gambling a true high not fake !!

Just going to chill tmrw and spend time with wife.

Onwards and upwards got through first few weeks , can only get better.

To anybody that may read my rambling you can do it

Fitzy

As my recovery title suggests, it may sound strange bit I'm actually happy to lose, let me explain a little further.

I've been binge /random gambling 2-3 years, I'm lucky I've not lost a vast amount maybe 1500-2000 and no gambling debt to speak, have other debts in general as do most.

My point at present yes I've wasted thoughts and time gambling, but I don't have massive regrets or guilt that keep me awake at night, not yet anyway.

If I'd not finally got it in my head that I'll never win long term and that gambling is a futile pastime and destructive, I could be like many on here with lots of regrets and ruined lives and relationships.

With respect I'd rather run away from gambling as far as I can and not become what I've mentioned above.

I'm a cg just like every other person on here, and I could go same way as many on this site.

But I'll try my damnest not to ever place a bet again, I have the blocks in place, I have the resolve. The triangle and quotes are in my mind.

I have good life at present, not perfect, but thankful for what I do have which is a great wife, a roof over my head, bills up to date, a job, outside interest my snooker and running and some great family and friends. Gambling could easily ruin all this, I'm not invincible to it but am determined to abstain and maintain forever, I'm not counting days is a lifetime lifestyle choice not to gamble.

It's made me reassess my life and goals and what I want to do, so positives may come out of a negative.

I've not interest in chasing, as title suggests I don't want to chase, I'm so thankful I finally get how futile and ridiculous gambling is before I lose everything.

I'll have bad days and low days, I'll deal with then like everyone else has to. Any other issues I'll deal with head on, not avoid or escape.

Have a good week everyone, some great and inspirational posts on here.

Fitzy

having average ok day , nothing particuarly exciting , just work , relaxatnight.

but hey its ok to have boring days and nothing days where nothing too exciting happens

d**n sight better than gambling days , up to me to make each day count and makeit interesting and fulfilling noone else can do this.

fitzy

btw if anyone unfortunate enough to readmy diary , sorry for rambling.

but it is like theraly for me talking thoughts and issues etc and writing them down as and when , stress and not being ableto talk aboutemotions etc keeping things bottled wasone of main things most prob that drived me to gamble, aswell as boredom

first 121 session with gamcare csellorsoon

sorry anyway , but it helps me!!

fitzy

Hi Fitzy

Too right nice to have an ok day without stresses of gambling hope we have many more ok days

Well done for coming this far

Keep strong one day at a time and we will win everyday we don't play

Suzanne xx

Too right Suzanne, okay days are perfectly fine now, whereas before I woke up and smelt the coffee. I would get bored and look for buzz and be selfish and gamble.

No more, more okay days please for rest of year at least please!

Babysitting my niece tonight, things that cost nothing are often the most fulfilling. I love my wife and all my.family and spending time with them.

Fitzy

Hi fitzy

Thank you for the posts on my diary. I've lived for too many years surrounded by lies and deception and in truth they hurt far more than the money loss ever has.

So in return I am blatantly honest. I won't sugar coat how I feel about having lived with a CG for most of my adult life but if I feel what's going on in my head won't help me or others understand then I'll tell a friend instead.

I tried for many years to understand how a CG. Mind works. I failed. My head doesn't work like that. I thought I could help my husband see sense. He told me he could.EVERY TIME

it was just more lies so he could carry on gambling but I'd think he was putting in effort for recovery.

If the mess that was my marriage can help just 1 CG from ruining there's or someone else's life then my experience wasn't all in vain.

For that reason I have my diary and at the same time it helps me understand what happened in my own life without feeling alone as none of my friends really know what it's like.

For you I hope it's - no bet today just life

And for me it's no tears no anger just life

Shelly

Hi fitzy,

You sound in control at the moment which is great

Its so good to hear you have many things in your life to be thankful for and you are right in realising that gambling will almost certainly drive a wedge between you and those.

I love having a ramble i do it most of the time haha, and if it helps why the hell not you keep rambling away.

Jess 🙂

Hi jess thanks for message and Shelley too.

Things going fine no gambling to report and feel in control , but will never be complacent.

Been catching up with family and friends , and getting involved with my running and snooker more.

Infant what with working too and wife to keep happy can honestly say and barely any gambling thoughts.

Happy days long may it continue , I'm actually living life and winning - by not gambling.

Hope everyone well in gamcare world , I'll try to catch up on ppl diaries over next few days and reply.

My wife running race for life tmrw , so proud of her she is truly an inspirational person.

Take care

Fitzy

Hi diary sorry I've been neglecting you, been busy bee last few weeks or so.

No gambling to report or gambling thoughts, I'm happy to say. I've had quite few low crappy days like today for example. I'm not ashamed to admit I have them now. But wheras before I'd try and hiDe through gambling or something else. Now I'll deal deal with things head on, like everyone else does.

Been consumed by money worries a bit recently, not gambling related thankfully never accrued any gambling debt.

But now not gambling can deal with head is basically from a business that went bust few years ago, hopefully I will sort out to happy conclusion.

Apart frm that been busy with work and doing some running, playing snooker. Bit of reading and socialising. Living basically., amazing how much.you can do and how productive can be without gambling.

Long may it continue.

I'm feeling very cr** today, think will clean house top to bottom keep my mind off things.

Tmrw another day this one only last 24 hrs, hopefully tmrw be better.

All best everyone, good luck, gamble free life is worth fighting through cr** days for.

Fitzy

Hi Fitzy

thanks for the complimentary post, much appreciated.

I hadn't read your diary before but had a quick browse just now and see you are doing very well and staying away from gambling. Keep up the good work.

Strange week so far this week , but no gambling o report. Few nothing days and down days , no real gambling thoughts poss odd fleeting one that dismissed.

Just general life , working etc .

Hol end of August and bday to look forward to , wife's joanne bday in sept. want to do something really nice to her. Plenty to look forward to and be thankful for.

Life hasn't suddenly magically become perfect , but certainly hasn't deteriorated like would with gambling in it.

New snooker season to look forward to in sept , just need to stay positive and focused as am now.

I'm already seeing after just few months I'm less selfish and think more of other people and care more about them and myself.

Anyway all best to everyone.

I will never forget and never become complacent

Complacency is a silent assassin

Fitzy

Hi Fitzy

Normal non gambling days beats those days of gambling anytime

Well done on your gamble free days

Stay strong focused and positive as you are now

Suzanne x

hey suzanne sorry for late reply , hope your well , thank you also for your support.

yes i will continue to be strong , never complacent , ever.

been busy with work , social, financial , personal and family life related things that barely gave gambling a thought.

i gave gambling best part of 2 years of my love life , was probablyfortunate that only thing really lost was time and sanity , if can class as fortunate.

Anyway know if gamble again will get totally sucked in and hooked like many on here , have no doubht can and will ruin me if let it back in.

at moment i have no interest in gambling , and too many other worthwhile things to concentrate on in my life.

sure i have debts , non gambling , but these can be worked through like anything in life. Least have something to show for debt car , wedding etc .

anyway again thanks for support suzanne , stay strong yourself your an inspiration reading your diary

Anybody that reads this diary , be kind to yourselves

gift yourself time use the triangle take time money or locaton out and cannot gamble. Personally i always take out time mainly and also money , have tied it up so impossible to get to.

Fitzy

Hi Fitzy

Thanks for your post am pleased you are feeling strong and positive and using the triangle cos it does work

Have not heard from Jess I hope she is staying strong

You seem very much in control well done

Remember to never underestimate this addiction and keep one step ahead

Take care

Suzanne xx