For those who know me through this site, you know that I've been addicted to slots for coming upson 15 years? Lost count. I've been a binge gambler. I left this site due to a techical glitch where I could not log in. I emailed gamcare and they said they were working on it. I tried many times to log on with no success. Today I decided to revisit and here I am... glad to be able to log on. After managing to get many self exclusions and feel the benefits of staying out of the zone of slots I managed to escalate with buying scratcher tickets. Buying scratcher was something that I have always done a little of and there were a couple time in years past that I spent 100 in one day then stopped. But mainly it was a small problem. Recently this scratcher play was on and off then I started to have binges buying larger amounts in one day at several stores. Then I start to buy larger denomination tickets. What I witnessed is very similar to slot addiction but 'of coarse' , at least for me, way less damaging . I was able to witness the pure addiction to gambling and escalation without the added stimulus of the slots, the higher losses , smoke, spinning brain, entire paychecks gone, driving while upset etc. But I never went so far with scratchers as I have this time , so yes, even scratchers are OUT for me. THis is going to be a much easier thing to leave in the dust than slot machines and casinos. I hate the money loss. Down the drain. I tried to log onto gamcare months ago and I could not access the site... Now months later I decided to try again and presto, I'm on. And I'm here to tell of how any form of gambling can get out of control. I can see that the scratcher play could have escalated 'way more'. It was bad enough. o*g. Just to watch myself in action. It was/is embarrassing but I have compassion for myself. I'm done with it. I hope that anyone who reads this and is having a problem with scratcher ticket addiction/problem will put it aside. Onward. Taraw
Welcome home Tara. It is good that you are back here amongst friends.
I have never had a problem with scratch cards but that is probably because I have never bought one. I do however find it upsetting to see young people (especially with children in tow) wasting money on them at supermarket check outs.
I sincerely hope you can learn from your mistake. I certainly won't try to give you advice as you already have ample knowledge, wisdom and understanding. You have had lengthy gamble free periods before and I truly believe you are perfectly capable of building on that. Take care my friend and keep going forward ...stephen
I walked to town this a.m. Other mornings in recent past I was inclined to buy a ticket or two or more at $5 each or sometimes 5 at a time. I was in a period of relapse with scratchers and this escalated culminating in my behavior yesterday which was costly and involved the high priced tickets (which I used to laugh at). This morning I avoided buying any and I intend to place scratchers in the same arena as slots machines and casinos ( off limits). Actually stopping drinking coffee is harder than stopping scratchers play. I definately can and will do this. As for casinos, I'm holding strong and have my self exclusions. blah blah... I want my money in the bank or to get something for it. Gambling sucks! Tara2
Thx. for the welcome back Stephan. I feel pretty good today. Lately I've been expressing my feelings and also feeling more deeply instead of the aggitated numbness and constant pressure/stress and low self worth that being a compulsive gambler/ slot zone zombie! brought to my life. Happy Holidays ALL. May your hearts feel warm. We deserve it. tara2
Today I envisioned casino play (SLOTS), as I drove to thanksgiving groceries. I am banned at the casino near where I shopped. I have not been to that place since april when they cut me off because I was already self excluded and had been playing slots anyway for some time. I really enjoyed the morning and was home by noon. I drove the same route that I used to take to go to this close by casino but now I'm engraving a new coarse that takes me other places in that same city. I'm finding a new normal, I guess. Just one day at a time. And by the way, no scratchers purchases along the way. Last time I went to that city I had the largest ever And worse ever binge playing scratcher cards. Today is good.
Happy thanksgiving Tara , hope you have a lovely day , we have similar story and hope we can find peace and happiness, I'm here everyday , but don't post as still feeling unable at the moment ......pink
Today was a perfect emotional 'set up' ( so to speak) for bad behavior and huge hurtful consequences ie. make it hurt more or what's the use ... type thinking. I'm sitting here with coffee and dealing. I'm dealing with the emotions. I'm needing and wanting change in my life but hurting myself and my wallet by driving far away to a casino and feeding slot machines is not going to facilitate change for the good/better. Home again. Bored. Emtionally challenged. Aggravated. Dis satisfied. Alive and breathing. tara
Good luck tara - hope you find strength to avoid the casinos and we can all get rid of the gambling and experience the important things in life that lie beyond gambling. Stick close to gamcare!
Thx. Andy. I have to avoid taking a day trip to sit at a slot machine at a casino that's nearly 2 hours away , only to learn the same lesson . By now, I know that the outcome is not desirable on any level. tara2
When I keep my barriers up against gambling and start to focus on getting help for deeper life issues I start breaking down. This is NOW, I'm cracking the 'self' open and wondering what will come of this exploration ie. coda and aca work. In this last many months (since april) I've been to a casino ~only 5 times but put huge amounts into the machines in a few hours because this disease escalates and it's not worth an experiment or gambling to take the edge off. But in these months since april I have had lots of space from the casinos and made progress. I also had that bout with scratchers to show me that even scratcher can get way out of control and I found myself quite embarrassed and at a financial loss. So here I am looking back. I'm happy that I'm where I am and it' just odaat . Once again , turning my energies towards the coda and aca recovery is so good for me on a deep level. tara alll the best to everyone! It's not easy but it's worth it.
Hi tara have you joined the sense casino uk exclusion scheme, u just ask at the reception of the casino ur visiting they take ur photo and then they wont let you in again. I done this over year ago and havent visited one since. Hope this helps. adam
this sounds obvious sorry uve probably already done this and they still let you in like bookies, adam
Adam, Yes ! I have self exclusions and I'm sticking to them. You'd have to read through my shares to know the story that I shared here over time. All the best to you. I'm feeling good about the ending of this year and having made some progress along with remembering that nothing changes if nothing changes. Had some expensive lessons also. Progress not perfection and odaat.
I'm slowly learning how to spend money again. I cringe at making a mistake on a purchase I can not return... such as a $10 pair of pants that were a bit too small. Yet, o*g, the amount of money down the drain when I played slot machines and just in one day. So , that $10 pair or pants that are snug. Whatever! I can deal with this. tara2
I've been on the recovery journey ie. slots, for somewhere around 13 years . I actually don't even care about exact dates and reference points as it's such a blurr. Several times along this path I got close to the core and each of those times I had started to address deeper issues in my life that had started to develop when I was a child. I close to that core again and this is when the real work ( and rewards) start kicking in. Slot play addiction leaked in and escalated , every time I was close to getting the real help I needed to be happier inside and in my life create better relations and situations. So this is a very meaningful time for me once again. I'm doing some other recovery work and the odaat. Maybe if I stay focused on what works instead of what does not work . also keep my barriers up and stay in touch with those who know the dangers of compulsive gambling. tara2
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