106 days
Feeling really tough this past week, very depressed and anxious. So that has been triggering me.
I have felt the draw of the bookies this week, but have resisted.
I have contacted a free counselling place, to look for possible free counselling again to keep me ticking over.
114 days
A tough Bank Holiday weekend. No friends, nothing to do.
I have spent time playing roulette online (no money). It probably isn't doing me good, but it releasing some tension. I went all the way up and I felt like registering to an online casino. I kept playing and it went all the way down. I hope I can get through this tough period. I need to hang on, though to be frank, I am finding it quite hard these past two weeks. I need to let off some steam somehow. I know rationalising it can only help so much. The feeling of wining is great. the problem is that I am at a point where to get any real buzz involves betting more money than I am comfortable with.
114 days
A tough Bank Holiday weekend. No friends, nothing to do.
I have spent time playing roulette online (no money). It probably isn't doing me good, but it releasing some tension. I went all the way up and I felt like registering to an online casino. I kept playing and it went all the way down. I hope I can get through this tough period. I need to hang on, though to be frank, I am finding it quite hard these past two weeks. I need to let off some steam somehow. I know rationalising it can only help so much. The feeling of wining is great. the problem is that I am at a point where to get any real buzz involves betting more money than I am comfortable with.
I think Bank holiday weekends were always a tough one for me as well Urgh , It's a time where everything used to seem out of sync if that makes sense ? and also a time where boredom would also kick in .
You simply have to try and find something to occupy that wandering mind I think ?but as you say playing online roulette if f it's not for gain is probably not the best way of spending your time , that being said though it shows how even playing for imaginary stakes we can be way out in front one minute and left with nothing the next, proving to us CG's that even when there's no real gain we can never walk away till it's all gone .
The feeling's that come with winning are great buddy but are just an illusion and as we all know it's a temporary feeling and once all gone were back on the spiral of desperation , I think also that feeling of going in the bookies because were "apparently among friends" is very misguided ? , I knew many people over my gambling career who I would see on a regular basis but most I'd just nod too or exchange the odd " How's yer luck " ? which would always end in a reply of " Not too bad mate " Or " Just about broke even " but the funny thing was that they were always my replies too as even if I'd done the lot I wouldn't have admitted it .
114 day's is no mean feat my friend and it would be a shame to be back at another day 1 and while I can't fix things or tell you what to do , you do just have to dig deep and keep pushing through , maybe keep this place a little closer with a daily update ? .
Stay well fella and all the best for now :))
Not great recently. You know when you wake up with that irresistible urge to gamble, it ovepowers everything. I woke up and was instantly googling the nearest casino I can get into. It's only a 2 hour trip away. I planned my trip.
Instead I managed to sign up online to a casino. I watched the live roulette play and it was hitting all my numbers. I was highly triggered. It was a Saturday after payday, so feeling the pressure of putting all my pay into savings and having another month or boredom.
I was devilishly close to gambling, but spoke to someone on gamcare chatline. It was enough time for me to gain composure, and I got through the day gamble free. I self excluded from that online casino.
It is worrying because I have not gambled online for some 6 years, it has never been an attraction to me after I realising how many hoops you have to jump through to get your money back. I plan to sign up to gamstop.
I am still pining to gamble. I walked into a bookies today due to curiosity. I took some slips and went back out.
121 days free today, exactly 4 months.
127 days , not too bad a week, still feeling a little bit triggered after the last week close shave.
Money is tight, I am sticking to a strict budget, I need to give myself more money to spend and enjoy myself.
153 days
Hi Urgh
Well done - 153 days is brilliant.
I have just read this diary from the start and I have to confess I was really nervous about your approach early on when you were attempting to do "controlled gambling" as I do not think that exists for us. Any decent periods of not gambling can be cancelled out within an hour of gambling again.
Any update on signing up to Gamstop? - I found it it a really quick process to sign up and it just blocks off another potential gambling opportunity.
Again, well done, and good luck for the future.
Muststop123
Good luck, now more than ever Gamstop is needed for everyone, it’s basically giving me a future, a one I’d not have without it.
Really close to gambling today. I may take the train to the next city, have a gamble. I have a lot of pent up feelings and don't know what to do. Gambling seems like the only excitement and way to destress.
I hope I can hang on.
I have been really disappointed as I had arranged for funded counselling but arranging times outside of work hours seems impossible and it's been over a month.
I appreciate the positive comments, but I fear I will have a big blowout. Once every 5 months isn't too bad? I don't know what to do.
Online gambling, I haven't done gamstop yet, but online as i said before isn't my interest.
All the best
Hi again Urgh
I have just re-read through your diary and I can see that you're struggling with such a conflict about gambling - still thinking of it as a possible relief from your stresses, and having the continued fantasy of it being a way to make money - rather than the reality of it costing much more than you'd ever get back, and not just financially but in terms of the likelihood of it making you experience further difficulty and stress.
You recognise that you are triggered to gamble when feeling tension, boredom and isolation so I am wondering if you have considered having another round of treatment through GamCare if that would be helpful? Also you can call us to talk through your feelings on the free HelpLine 0808 8020 133. It sounds as if you hold a few "self limiting beliefs" about gambling recovery and treatment may be able to help you change your thoughts on this. It isn't an inevitability that people in recovery re-lapse. It is possible to work on these thoughts and change your relationship and beliefs about recovery from problem gambling to some that could be more positive for you. It is also achievable with support to develop coping strategies to deal with emotions such as frustration and stress, that don't involve gambling. Please don't be alone with this, we are here to support you.
The more time you spend g/f the more evidence you have of your resilience so I wanted to say to you well done for reaching 154 days. I hope our support and the good advice you receive from others on the forum will help you to keep gamble free.
Kind regards,
Leigh,
Forum Admin
Wow people, I gambled big. I am hoping to hunker down, but taking the loss is real bad. Looks like5 months free didn't change anything funamentally in me at all.
I have signed up to gamstop, but i am really annoyed that it is now is my credit report, can anyone answer?
Hello @urgh
Sorry to read about your lapse. Regarding your question about your credit report - you may want to look at the Money Advice Service website or call their helpline for information about what does and does not affect your credit report.
If you'd like to talk 1:1 about your lapse, what you can learn from it and how you can prevent relapses in future, please do give us a call on the National Gambling HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us 1:1 on our NetLine.
Keep posting
Forum Admin.
Thanks for the replies.
I think I am okay with the gambling urges, so weird? Just a build up and it's gone now. The last lost hut a lot though, it never goes your way.
I am disappointed in that I reached out for counselling a month ago because I could see the past month has been really tough for me, but they have been really slow to sort something out for me. No blame or excuses though.
I am really feeling the lost money, just trying to get over that. I know it's not the end of the world, but I can't take away my feelings. If anyone has any advice on how to just swallow the loss that if my main issue right now.
I've got someone in the pipeline, but thanks ^
Two weeks since messing up. On the positive side... gambled only once since February.
Still hurts really bad losing that money, it was 1k
I walked past the bookies yesterday and was really tempted to gamble. I am back to chasing my losses mentality now. What a shame.
Had to spend a lot of money also this month, so can't help but feel how I have "fallen behind"
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