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Hi Sis,

We must have been writing at exactly the same time. I used to worry about you but, not anymore. I know that you can take a punch. Life can be a real bi t ch. But, it can be really sweet too. Sounds like us. Ha ha ha. It's not the money. That's gone. It's not the time. That's gone too. It's the standing right back up after taking a licking. It's the sticking your chin right back up and into the wind. You've got this, and we all have your back should you need us. -joanxxx

Thanx all,

Yep, back and kicking lol..Very true Sis, life can be sweet if you let it be sweet.

All comes down to choice, we are our own worst enemies sometimes..yep, time lost, money lost..but hey wot do I have? My soul, heart and all the other qualities human can have. Yes, still a bit mad lol, but refusing to let it get to me...I am a little rioter, never give up giving up.

Sun is still shining and off i'm back on a track of freedom. Let's do it and keep moving on. Life is to short for regrets and I've got quite few years ahead of me to make my world a better place to be 🙂

S x

Hi Sandra

See you are doing the crawl stroke today with very strong kicks BRING IT ON

Suzanne xx

Hey girl, so some rain coming your way hey. Sun is out here but a little cool this morning. Just got off the phone with my boy and not a lot going on there. Was telling him about the rude awakening I got this morning with the cat and yeah he said she did it cause i don't play enough with her and her way of getting me back. LOL yeah what do ya mean cause yeah while I was cleaning up that batch of kitty spew she was in the process of letting out another batch. LOL Hell I played real hard with her when i sent that toilet paper roll flying her way. LOL Lol Lol yeah she just looked at me like what the fu-ck you doing and proceeded on to nasty up my carpet. LOL sh-it typical Monday I guess.

Yeah I had my dealings with pot when i was my girls age too but one thing i never done was turn myself in for it. LOL that's fu-cked up and don't know what she was thinking. Yeah I'm sure she'll pay for that one with a long line of pi-ss testing to come and some freedoms taken away. Oh well live and learn I guess.

Well hope ya got through that run without getting tinkled on. But yeah then it is Monday now ain't it. LOL one more week of this 3rd shift and 3 day weekend coming my way. Gotta use up our personal days before July 1st or they get tossed into our sick leave. Only get 2 of them personal days a year and i ain't giving them back. LOL plan on using my other one June 30th for another 3 day weekend. So yeah this month is getting better as I tap. LOL

Hope your day and night are good to you.

Well my cat be clawless and yeah don't want nothing to do with that outside world, so yeah no choice but to do them nasty's in the house. LOL

So hot one by you. Only suppose to be in low 70's all this week so not to bad weather wise.

Trying to work up the energy to make a couple store runs. Almost out of the bottled water, beer and smokes. Yeah I'll find that energy anyway when the smokes get down to a couple left in the pack and won't be nothing stopping me at that point. LOL Hell should just buy a carton and save me some more trips this week. LOL guess if I was smart I'd buy none and save all that cash. Sure ain't cheap by any means and don't know how I manage to do 4 months without the things. Hell if I go a few hours now with out one the claws come out. Hell that reminds me, gonna have to pick me up a refill on them e-smokes for work before i start that 1st shift. cause yeah no smoking there and guess their the next best thing. Lol

Well hope your night at work is a easy one.

Good one on what clawless cat lol lol. Gave me an idea here lol..best not share 😀

Yep, I agree on smokey treats..I am getting worse, I wish I could eat as much as I smoke. And i must do the nasty treat every 5 min recently...hmm..maybe 50 a day in a last few days.charming, lol..maybe just a little bit of stress lol..Hate t think what that picture would look if I wanted to see my lungs lol..hmm, 14 years of nasties amd I don't seem to learn. Must be addicted..lol..yep I suppose I best tackle one addiction at the time.

How do you feel about the nasty soul? Back on track, left it behind?...I feel weird lol. Was looking through emails at work today and d**n it hit me lol..no, not spinning reels but...hmmm..must be conscience , anger and devastation eating away...but then again, back to reality lol..i suppose im in a trance state and really want to stay here cause its peaceful lol.well at least we are standing right? Lol..tap on ur back girl, it could be worse.

work is not the place I want to be today lol, but I suppose it helps me to stay away from trouble. Am left on my own tonight and of caurse had far too many smokes for that occasion lol. Everything falling down, but sayin that, not much in my power either. Just suppose will be busier tomorrow lol..just can't wait to see smiley faces in a morning and actually bring them sum bad news..oh god, so see that picture and best just delete emails tom cause defo some nasty ones gonna come in my inbox lol..hey ho, maybe I will get some support next time they decide to leave place in "Sandra's" hands lol lol

Anyway, hope ur ok and safe. Get good rest after your shift, I'm already in my 14th hour non sleep and trust me, I've got only one thing on my mind lol...and that's not gambling.

Spk soon girl, look after yourself

Ps. Note for myself: make friends with your worst enemy - you. Maybe then s***t won't hit the fan

Looks like I'm rubbing off on ya girl. LOL yeah can't say nothing there cause did it way to many times myself. LOL

Guess doing the nasty gambling wise feels like months ago really. LOL yeah think I've screwed up so much down the line in that department it just feels natural I guess. Guess i know for you It's gotta cause a bit more pain with all the free time you had in. But Hell one blemish in over a year ain't nothing and you saved tons in the process so Hell i wouldn't let that one slip get ya down, but then don't leave your guard down either girl.

Hell was told at work last week our hours would remain the same for this week and summer hours would begin next week. Yeah was told last night with summer school beginning already on Monday on next week that has changed. LOL yeah a few areas must be done by Monday or they won't be getting cleaned or waxed for the up coming school year I guess. So yeah hour change of 7 at night till 3 in the morning this Thursday and 3 in the afternoon till 11 at night Friday. Guess It's no big deal and a little convulsive on the system, but what the Hell since I was told I have no choice in the matters. LOL Lol Lol yeah i don't mind and just gives me a earlier start to my 3 day weekend so yeah bring it on.

Talked to my boy earlier and he's already working on that wish list. LOL Yup wants a new radio with a cd player and some sliding buttons so he can play with the bass and such. LOL yeah can't get all that and not have some new cd's to go with it now can you? LOL yeah that list is gonna have to wait till ya make it to the new unit as a prize maybe cause Yup, sending $200 of this next check to your sister and yeah kinda taps me of my free money this pay day. Yeah don't think I've heard the end of that wish either. LOL

Well kinda woke up with like only 4 hours sleep in me so think I'll try to get in another hour here.

Hope your day and night is good to you.

Hey girl, cold, rainy, dreary day over here in the states. Ya would think it would make for good sleeping but naaw. LOL Well think I might of gotten 5 hours in today anyway but feels more like 2.

Not a lot going on this way. Got a post graduation party going on at the school tonight. Done at 2 in the morning so my 3rd shift buddy and i will have a little extra cleaning to contend with. Last day for the school year tomorrow and then yeah the dreaded summer cleaning begins. Always kinda hate this time of year and just hope It's a quick summer. LOL

Didn't talk to my boy yet today. He was saying yesterday that one of his friends and his mom none the less got picked up at war-mart for shop lifting a few months back. Guess the police checked their car to make sure there wasnt any other stolen stuff in it and found a pound of marijuana. Yeah they didn't stop there and then got a warrant to search their house and found another pound of the stuff. Yeah both were arrested but mom made bail at like $1,500 and the boy be sitting in jail yet and couldn't come up with the $3,000 to make his bail. Wanna say he was the one caught shoplifting and why his bail was higher. LOL Guess I would of expected all that from the kid who is a adult now, but yeah not the mom. Lol guess just goes to show ya people aren't always as ya make em out to be.

Well hope your having a good day/night.

I found this and wanted to share with you and anyone who read your diary,

There are some great quotes about from some really wise people.

Hope this one helps you x

Shelly

Hey girl and yeah don't need to tell me about that insomnia cr-ap cause yeah, if i get in any where from 12 to 16 hours of sleep during the work week that a lot. LOL

Yeah the eating thing can be tricky to hey. Dont know if It's really breakfast, lunch or dinner and some days just to tired to bother. LOL But yeah girl do need that nourishment more than every 3 days. Thinking that's probably got more to do with the last gambling bout and yeah can mess with ya that way. Hoping ya got some good chow in ya by now.

Work started out ok but yeah kinda hectic at the end. Was pretty much expected I guess with the post graduation party and just gotta say whatever to that situation. LOL

Talked to my boy yesterday. And yeah just felt kinda wierd, uncomfortable and powerless to help. He never really mentioned to much about these voice he hears and started getting more in dept with it. Gotta say what he did say of them was nothing short of scary to have going on in your head on a daily bases and as what he described as torture. He asked the doctor to lower his meds and they have by a millagram. Guess the reason being, what he was on he felt was to strong and he couldn't communicate and describe what was going on in his head. Yeah he painted me a pretty good picture of it yesterday and could tell he really wanted to get it out. He's just hoping he can communicate it again with his doctor today cause he says he kinda blacks out with it all and remembers nothing when it comes time to speaking of it. Guess all I can say It's gotta be a horrifying thing to live with and really kinda left me speechless and in awe at what to say.

So yeah just that kind of day yesterday that today yet leaves me feeling still a bit beaten. Guess i got in the usual 4 for sleep and back in early tonight. LOL oh well

Well hope your enjoying that time off girl and sounds like ya really needed it. Hope ya got some good chow tossed in ya and a few cold ones to boot. LOL

Take care girl.

Hey girl and good to hear ya got some food down that throat. Ya sound on a upwards swing so keep swinging girl. LOL just got off the phone with my boy and said he didn't see his doctor today but they had enough people that wanted to do group so he had that going for him. Yeah he sounded in a better mood today too so must be something in the air I guess. LOL

Just thought I'd give ya a quick tap back before It's off to the shower and work. Hope ya get plenty of sleep in cause it sure sucks running on none to nil. LOL

Hey girl, geees did work suck, 8 hours of hauling trash and recycables to a dumpster and some how i can see a nice little elementary school in my near future. LOL Yeah just bidding my time where I'm at till some bids come out for something just like that. LOL dam

Kicked back with a cold one and yeah gotta be back to work in like 11 hours. Hell but gonna enjoy a few until my eyes close anyway and thinking it won't be long.Lol Yup this weekend ain't coming soon enough.

Good one soul, I hope you can catch up with some sleep. If cold ones helps you to be knocked down have one extra for me lol lol and you can say "good morning" in a little hangover state lol..b good 🙂

Dear diary,

Little tiny steps eh..yes, I suppose I can't leap gigantic strides to push the time.Last Saturday I asked myself if I'm in enough pain yet, and I wasn't. I knew what I was doing and knew why I was doing. I knew I'm putting my recovery on the line and was fully aware how it is gonna inflict me...and still I took devil's hand and dived head first into the storm of hell.. I start paying the price while in a hands of addiction. ..and once again money is very little to do with it..I needed pain and I've got pain and misery. Old "good" feeling of the world crashing around you, of the challenges to face tomorrow and a day after...but as much as good ends at some point - bad does too.

I learned my lesson and I fully believe I can't beat this addiction. You do it and pay the consequences after.cycle of hell..

Anyway, I shall put it behind and look ahead. Can't change the past but surely can create the future. Once again been proven that you can't know what's round the corner. Events are turning round and for the better. Kicked about like a kid, reasoned with myself and the outcome is to grab life by it's horns reach for happiness and not pain. You live once...so make the most of it. It is like DF journal, unwritten pages ready to be filled in. I shall start mine too and I will have many colours to be thrown in there

Dads bday today. We are so similar. Real fighters marching through S***e life throws at us...just have to march on, there is to much to loose. Proud of you dad..the same as your proud of me x

Day at a time

Stay safe all

S x

hey Sandra,

got a post on my diary from you, must admit that at glanced at your diary and read a bit about smoking, i remember you being the keen runner so wasn't completely sure it was you!!! feels kind of good to be back posting on here, wish I wasn't but this is a good place. I will be probably on the evening chats 3 maybe more times a week so will be good to catch up if you come on again.

Take care and be good!!!!

Phil

x