...

Thanx Jen and S

Just a quick entry...things are not good over here recently and addictions suffocated me big style.
But, we can only try right...just keep trying and making the change where it's needed sobwe can stay safe for another day.

Apologies to the ones who tries so so hard for this gal to see the life for what it is...sorry all

S x

Sandra

In the words of our esteemed friend over the pond

'Fookety f**k, f*****g b#as#t#ard dirty addiction'

I wish I could take away the pain and suffering but I know I can't

I also know in my heart that you will find the key

Never give up on giving up.

You know where to find me, unconditionally 24/7.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncs... thank you so much. It was lovely to speak to you and i know you talk a lot of wisdom not only in your posts.
I'm afraid i broke my promise to you..i broke my promise to Shiny last night and i broke trust for myself too.
Dear bear. I so relate to how you feel. Stop it now..just stop it cause this road will take you to hell.it's not worth it, ask for help and find that inner strength in yourself..build it up..slowly..just day at a time.

Diary,

I f*****g hate myself. Esp for what i become while in a mist...funny enough i barely remember talking to our dear Duncs today.what sort of person i am to be f****n out of it and block so helpful words dear fighter is sharing! Useless...i am just completely ******* off with myself.

Ok..i am gonna take an action. Tablet has to go...it is a ticking bomb to my mind cause i know i can log on there. Don't know where to put it..chucking it into rubish bin is really attracting thought.
Parents are poorly, sis scraping pennies, mate working her a** off to pay for rent and im f*****g Wonderwoman P*****g all wages down the drain, putting those digits in sick sites like no tomorrow! Disgusting! ..but something what is reality.

f**k it. Rant over. Good f*****g run is needed to clear this cabbage head..will run till i drop..f**k it

Sandra

My dear friend you didn't break any promises you made to me.

Why?

Because I said and will again your honesty will triumph, keep being honest with yourself because a light will switch on due to it.

Addiction has hold of a part of you, but I know it is losing it's grip.

In the words of our shiny friend

Never give up on giving up.

I stand beside you in battle, we will triumph.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Sandra12 wrote: Duncs... thank you so much. It was lovely to speak to you and i know you talk a lot of wisdom not only in your posts. I'm afraid i broke my promise to you..i broke my promise to Shiny last night and i broke trust for myself too. Dear bear. I so relate to how you feel. Stop it now..just stop it cause this road will take you to hell.it's not worth it, ask for help and find that inner strength in yourself..build it up..slowly..just day at a time. Diary, I f*****g hate myself. Esp for what i become while in a mist...funny enough i barely remember talking to our dear Duncs today.what sort of person i am to be f****n out of it and block so helpful words dear fighter is sharing! Useless...i am just completely ******* off with myself. Ok..i am gonna take an action. Tablet has to go...it is a ticking bomb to my mind cause i know i can log on there. Don't know where to put it..chucking it into rubish bin is really attracting thought. Parents are poorly, sis scraping pennies, mate working her a** off to pay for rent and im f*****g Wonderwoman P*****g all wages down the drain, putting those digits in sick sites like no tomorrow! Disgusting! ..but something what is reality. f**k it. Rant over. Good f*****g run is needed to clear this cabbage head..will run till i drop..f**k it

Sandra

Sorry to hear about your bet

You remember those toy clowns that you could punch and they get right back up. Actually they still sell them but you can be one of those clowns.

Learn to dodge and weave those punches

As to your tablet if your sister hasn't got one why not loan it to her? That way if you need it again you can just ask.

Hi Sandra, thanks for your supportive post.

Hang in there girl. Hope the run cleared your head....

Dust yourself down and remember that we are all rooting for you. Don't beat yourself up too much, come on girl.....you CAN do it....

Keep strong

Ade

Hey coo coo, another fly by of support here for you!

Great shout again Tri, I'm buying one of those clowns & I will name him Sandra! C'mon girl, start bobbing & weaving!

Bob & weave - ODAAT

Hi Sandra
You have my unconditional support and respect for you ongoing battles.
Take care my friend
Cheryl xxx

Hi Sandra,

I hope you went out for that run. Its good for stress.

It helps to draw a line under whats happened.

Am thinking of you.

Take care, onwards and upwards.. S.A

Hi S,

You keep getting back up and you never give up, soo much progress has been made in your recovery, because you are a fighter.

You can/will do this my little friend, sending you as always strong, determined and positive thoughts because you Sandra are soooo much worth it.

Walking along side with you as always Hun, 24/7

Sxxxxxxxxxx

Wow! Ok..thanks guys for your lovely posts ((((((all))))))

So 3 days binge come to an end and it wasn't turning out very nice recently..but hell, as i told one of you not long ago - i might fall thousand times but i will not bloody give up trying!
So yep, day one and physical actions had to be put in place and my partner in crime (tablet) is well and truly on the way to more responsible and trusty keeper (who hasn't got this nasty bug either..HD 😉 )....
..so the next plan hooligan as i just shared with Soulie is to put those electric shock devices on our ankles to stop us going into nasty places lol..easy peazy, problem solved.
So, weirdly not beating myself up too much to most of your relief and that's cause i suppose i passed that stage..it's done, it's gone, I'm putting actions into place to prevent future falls..

..time will show..but nothing changes if nothing changes.

To stop gambling is easy, to maintain recovery requires a lot more strength and determination. Settin little goals as dear Duncs suggested which I'm gonna try and do...and just maybe i can start enjoying life again. (Hardly believe that cause this world is just not the place i wonna be but i can hope lol)....and that was realllllllyyyyy depressing last thought lol..but hey, honesty comes first!
Will catch up with you all in a bit..kitchen nearly on fire lol..first goal achieved - Sandra is cooking 😀

Thanks again
Hugs, respect to you all

S x

Big hugs back S ( and don't burn the kitchen down Ohh HD)

Sxxxxxxx

Hey cheeky lol,

Nothing wrong with part time, especially at my age Ohh HD.

Would rather have you back posting and cheeky than staying quiet , HD indeed, your fighting spirit is back, even if you are burning the house down in the process lol lol.

Keep fighting and keep being cheeky would not have you any other way hun you are sooo worth it.

Sxxxxxxx

Hi Sandra
Am on nights tonight so tea and cake on the terrace 3am my shout.
Stay safe and outta the kitchen lol, you have the strength to beat this and you are worth it. Be kind to yourself
Onwards and upwards
Cheryl xxx

Hi, thanks dear soldiers,

Wouldn't bring my diary bk up...just cause don't feel like up to battle too much in general...but proud to report that no gambling since the last post.

Brought this bk up to quietly thank my dear sister...just for the two min phone call today. She has no clue im on this site, why should she...she knows i am dealing with "emotional" issues re work recently...she shows her true face..that's enough...i shall keep winning for my big sis..on gambling and on fighting the fight for survival.

Love ya Ilona even if i never voice myself out loud ..ya know me, quiet little mouse, insecured even if the shell i cary proves otherwise xxxxxx