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Hello S&B. Thank you for posting on my diary. I had a good chuckle at the picture you put in my mind, ha ha I don't think paper aeroplanes would be appreciated in the English class.

I have been at my Five Rhythm dance tonight, I had to take it a bit easy because of my chest/breathing problems but nevertheless had a great evening. Absolutely wonderful, being in the company of like minded people, using movement to music as a form of self expression. It really makes me feel good inside. The secret is not to be self conscious but to just lose oneself in the dance. We all had a get together with snacks afterwards which was nice.

Sorry you have been having a sad day. My thoughts are with you and hope your feeling better tomorrow. I must say I enjoy the laughter, music and joy you put into the diaries.

Hope the angels gather around you tonight bringing you warmth, reassurance and comfort. Sweet dreams...stephen x

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Thanks for sharing that music S&B. I really like that song ( Naughty Boy - La la la ) and the video is brilliant.

I think it is good to air one's feelings rather than keeping it all bottled up. I also believe it takes a lot of courage to be open and honest about our fears, emotions and thoughts. One never knows how others will react and if a sufferer has had negative responses in the past than they will be inclined to say nowt and suffer in silence.

Take care my friend. We don't know what will be blowing in tomorrow's wind. Probably old plastic bags and other junk but we can only do our own little bit to make the world a better place. We might as well have some fun while we're here. Don't suppose we will get a second shot at it unless the Buddhists have it right and we keep coming back !!!! Stephen x

Wow I really like that music you posted on my diary, Paul Van D yke - For An Angel. really got my feet tapping. I imagine Little Miss Wildchild would be up for that one....stephen x

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Thank you S&B for another great musical treat. There is so much out there for me to choose from but I try to keep within my tablet allowance of 10 wotsits a month, otherwise I have to fork out for more data.

Anyway it is getting late. Time now to rest weary bones alongside my faithful companion the water bottle. I fill it with hot water and in return it keeps me warm in bed. A perfectly good arrangement and not once has it criticised, shouted or given me jobs to do.

Sweet dreams. Wishing you a weekend of peace, contentment and jolly adventures ...stephen x

Awwww, SJB. I think feeling your anger is a sign you are healing.

Counselling will be bringing up a lot of raw emotion. Perhaps of no-one helping that little girl when she needed it? Now feeling like this, is what you are finding today, in your adult world.

Do you know about trauma triggers? I feel like one of yours is feeling like there is no-one there to help you, when you need it. These feelings, and the rage that comes with them, are probably unexpressed from childhood. We humans usually punish children for their anger, without asking the question "why is this child so angry?" So, you probably bottled it up for fear of abandonment. You may have formed the belief that "angry people do not receive/deserve love". Of course you deserve love. Thing is, it's difficult to be close to someone with a lot of anger. Have you found this in your own life? That it's stressful to be around a lot of anger? That it feels OK to be close to people who occasionally get really angry, or often have a rant, but it's difficult to be close to anyone who often flies into rages? I don't know how often your anger gets unmanageable, so this may not be you. Just know that you are not your anger. Your anger, possibly rage, is the appropriate response to being abused. Thing is, as adults, if someone is abusive, we have the choice to stay or go. We don't have this agency as children. So the anger, fear and rage is very strong. It's us trying to survive.

It's not you people may be rejecting - I say may be , because people may not be rejecting you at all. They may just be distracted and busy/preoccupied with their own stuff. If they are rejecting anything, it's probably just the anger. The good news is, you are now dealing with the root of this anger, so, as it begins to reach more manageable levels, people will begin to flock around you.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are just healing. Healing hurts - but it's going to be sooooooooo worth it! I promise.

f x

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Hello S&B. Wow you really brought home to me the occasions when I felt let down and unjustly treated by someone. When it happens I feel annoyed with myself for letting the actions of the perpetrator get to me. By doing so I have allowed their slanderous remarks to inflict even more hurt on me. If not nipped in the bud it can cause much unnecessary heartache.

I think it best to ignore personal attacks if possible. It is certainly possible on the diaries where we are protected by our friends in Admin. I am reminded of the poem Desiderata from which I quote "Avoid loud and aggressive persons for they are vexations to the spirit."

Take care. You are a good person just trying to live life in a peaceful, carefree way. Your many friends, who love and respect you, want to see you living a happy, contented life....stephen x

Hi S & B, I've only just caught up with your posts, hadn't seen them since the beginning of the week. I cant admit to understanding some of them but it certainly sounds like you've been through the mill.
Take care, never forget, you are strong and you can get through this so that you can achieve all that you want for yourself. Sending you calming thoughts and I hope next week finds you feeling happier from within x

Ps. S&B and Abstained. Little miss wildchild was pushing my hands up in the air and partying with the best of them to Paul van d**e! Ibiza here I come haha!! X