...

Really liked your comment:

This addiction is serious, it won't stop taking..it will strip you down in no time..& not only you! It's ugly habit...its powerful but you can turn things around!

It is indeed very serious and takes some serious will power to even just keep it at bay.

Take good care of Sandra tomorrow and keep her little tootsies heading in the right direction.

Thankyou for your ongoing support. You are a wise lady with good insight and a heart of gold.

If you take the letters from S A N D R A move them around a bit and change a few it spells S U P E R B which is what you are. Take care and when you go to bed tuesday night be gamble free and proud of who you are...stephen x

Thanks both xx

Diary,

Couldn't sleep till late last night. Just proper insomnia. As much as I like snow I hate driving in it! And it played on my mind for the biggest part of the night. I even had a nightmare of brakes failing and me not being able to stop.

I been in such situation before. On motorway...but with some kind of power overlooking me & quick thinking I managed to get to a standstill safe. That time it was a fault from my local garage who didn't do job properly and put me on a line of life/ death...i still use that garage lol...crazy or what! Talking about loyality huh!

I waffle on about it because I know my car needs maintenance. Brake pads light came on (alongside other flashing lights) & I know I shouldn't mess with it and sort it out ASAP. Issue is, I have no money for repairs...not gonna go into reasons why as we all know.

The thing is which unsettles me the most - I treasure my life! I truly want to live and see what future brings & also lil girl...i could never ever leave her behind.

Well, that's me. Not much about gambling...just paid cc but sure it will go to interest. Oh well , ...slowly slowly catchy monkey I guess.

Stay safe & warm everyone.

Xx

Hi Diary,

Another day waking up in white white white everywhere you look! Lovely! (Except of driving conditions). Got in later than planned last night as safety is first and was more than happy to see my lil girl! We went in the garden to play in the snow lol! ...that was around 0110 ...ooppppssss...but what can you do - kids at heart!

I read that many schools are closed today...wonder if work would ever announce that don't need to come in due to snow.. I probably would have to dig my way in but still attend!!

All is ok. Brake pads (all 4) has been ordered and hopefully will change them on a weekend)..for now just move at snails pace!

Still going through detox. It doenst help my sleep to be fair but ....all for the good cause. It helps my body & mind!

No gambling to report.

Stay safe & warm all

Hi diary....

"Day seven feels like lifetime"...my first entry almost 5 years ago..i have had many day 7's & ....well....what can I say! Not much.

Happy to be alive even if having difficulties with one knee! It's more like a balloon but I should expect this when weather turns on a chilly side!

No gambling to report.

My thoughts are with everyone who found it difficult during this weather. It was & indeed is the carnage where I live. My biggest gratitude goes to the response units, good samaritans, volunteers and everyone in services putting their own lives at risk to rescue other human beings...it takes strength, courage & bravery to keep walking in the direction where everyone else is running away from....

That's about it for now. God bless everyone.

Xx

Dear diary....

With amazing feeling and all day spent on cloud 9, I can proudly say that I am turning my life around all 100%.

It's been a long and stressful road and I am sure more of that ahead but new chapter is a new chapter and I am stronger than before.

It took some strength, frustration, tears, relapsing with gambling, relapsing with alcohol but by the Grace of God I held it all together... I did it ☺....o*g - I DID IT!!!!!

This song will sum it up...i am lost for words for greatfullness for my life. Every minute added to this feeling, living my dream ☺, And ya know what? ----- It's been worth it!

Never EVER give up on your dreams!!

https://youtu.be/0IA3ZvCkRkQ

Stay safe & warm all!

S&B xxxxxxxxx

It's very moving how compassion has poured out during this bad weather. In my part of the world, people have been getting supplies for the elderly in their 4x4s and nurses have slept overnight in the hospital so they can be there to care for their patients the next day. Beautiful!

Hello Sandra, hope you and your four legged friend are happy and well. No doubt enjoying strolls in the park, soaking up the delights of Mother Earth and savoring the beauty of spring.

I like the profile picture which I assume is you with lil girl, the sand and the sea. Lovely photograph.

Thank you for the music you recommended. Just what I needed to boost my confidence. Hero by Mariah Carey.....

"And than a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you."

Thanks both xx

Ha Stephen..no, the picture is far from being me & my lil one physically but emotionally & spiritually it's surpassing the message being sent.

Am doing ok. My body aches from continued pushing it to the limits as I am back running & exercising but I need to get in the better shape I find myself in presently.

Mentally I am still on the up and looking ahead. Quite liking work too as it gives me time to develop my communication skills and strengthen my confidence, I seem to find more solutions for arisen problems and indeed am not going unnoticed ☺

Going back home soon and feel quite calm about it.

Still detoxing....ok...a white lie..i do have a drink on a weekends but I guess slowly slowly catchy monkey.

That's about it for my update. Everything happens for a reason...also mix a bit of your own decisions (right ones), sprinkle of hard work, tonne of belief and hope and whola! - anything is possible ☺

I am not on here as much as I used to be. Giving a break for all of you and GC staff 😉 or just maybe start living more in 3D.

Take care...& keep making the right choice!

Time for a run me thinks. Sun is out which always brighten my heart & soul.

Just for today I am making the right choice & With the grace of God, I will fulfil my potential.

God bless xx

Ps. NO GAMBLING!

Hi diary...

Why is that...that as soon as I put something positive - the bad & stressful day follows!?..note to self - maybe you shouldn't share good stuff lol

Seriously, today my mind just couldn't slow down...questions/ regrets..what next...blah blah.

Was repeating serenity prayer most of the time...not everything is in my control...enf off, accept it & don't stress over something you cannot change...so easy to say, why I find it so hard to put in practice?

Now just would like peace. Gotta be up soon for another day.. very busy ..mentally & physically but I shall keep pushing forwards.

Now...dear mind ---- swwwiiitttccchhhhhhh offfffffffff....(PLEEEAAASSEEEE)

Goodnight/ morning all and have a great day!

No gambling.

Hi diary,

Whilst I'm moving to the right direction of change (jury not out yet tho) I am kind of reflecting on my journey so far.

I definitely notice that having the right occupation can add so much to our lives. I don't enjoy my job. I believe over the past 13yrs of doing it I...i just struggled. Why? I believe that deep down in my soul I knew it's not what I want to do all my life. I had/have different aspirations. I have desire to grow and develop and the job I do didn't offer the same. Yes..i got to the management level but ...i don't know. I feel trapped at work. Jailed if it makes sense....im lost there & automatically it makes me feel lost in life.

I know I already made many changes in my life. I searched for different avenues and I have come far. Not everything Is straightforward and I guess for me breaking the pattern and accepting change is always gonna be difficult to me. Why? Maybe lack of patience or maybe it's just me wanting everything to flow perfectly...expectations of self?..yes..theyre quite high.

Life is full of challenges. The fear of trying something new/ unwalked/ unseen, most definitively stops us in our tracks.

Not sure if it's cause I'm aging or cause I got more knowledge/ self awareness than I did let's say 6 years ago... (aging connected lol)...but I feel that I'm not fearing change..i am more confident and self aware.

& just maybe cause I had so many lows and visited so many dark places in my mind, I know that nothing can be worse than that.

Maybe it's a part of growth. More than ever I now believe that everything happens for a reason. Set backs are needed to help ourselves to see what we really want from our lives.

Gambling blinds us. I soooo wish we all could see our potential..we have loads of it! Sky is a limit...no...limit is above sky! Never give up on yourself...just don't please ..just don't.

I have laid in bed last night and looked at my lil girl. Dear oh dear...how much I love her! No....i adore her! I never felt this way about anyone. She is like my baby. We are so in tune that one look or half word is enough to understand each other lol.

I do rememeber my worries since her op , since she nearly choked to death, and since she had something bad with her leg. I never felt such worry before...this is true love (for a pet!)

It's now nearly a year since I have her, have the opportunity to see her smile while she runs freely, laugh at her snoring technique & "freezing" statue show off while she is bathed, feel loved and appreciated by a hug, pat on my knee or heavy head resting on me full of calm and peace. Those thousand miles walked in a year...evey day...she most definitely saved me & My life....

She is 5 years old next month and even if i missed first 4, I know that many many years are ahead where we can laugh, play and stay in each other's company!

Soppy post...maybe, but full of appreciation and belief in many many more good things to come.

"Accept the things we cannot change & change the things we can"....Amen to this.

S&B xx

Hi SB great post especially about your pet they are our babies aren’t they. I love Jazzy so very much maybe even more than my husband lol they gives us so much joy and unconditional love every facet of Jazzy character I adore. Wish you best in moving on from your job I can totally relate to feeling trapped. Change is good for us helps us grow and learn after all I believe that’s what we are here for to keep growing and learning. Bestest wishes SB x Lulu

Hello Sandra,

I think stopping gambling has made me admit to myself that my work is one of the areas im not happy with too. I was just going along with a lot of things not even asking questions of anything in my life before i started to look at myself with regards to my addiction. I think recovery forces us to question almost everything of oursleves and the life we live/d.

I know what you say about not always trying new things but i think our lives actually do really change a lot over the years. Reminds me of the quote by C.S Lewis “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?”

Hopefully our futures are different in many positive ways as we continue our recoveries.

Have a good weekend =)

Thanks both for popping round xx

Diary

A lil nervous of next week. One of the days I will have to travel round the country and somehow manage to catch a plane in time also. Lol...challenging enough for me.

All will be ok.. car brakes been changed so I will be safe commuter on those roads ☺

In pain today (physically) but got loads to do. Gotta have to break the day down a lil..step at a time.

No Gambling.

Stay safe all

Xx

Hello San...Pleased to see that you are experiencing joy, peace and contentment in your life. I enjoyed reading your posts.

When I visit the art gallery I always enjoy a few minutes looking at a painting called "The Muckraker." An angel is offering him all the glory of the universe but he is only concerned with rummaging for trinkets and brightly coloured baubles. I think we are all a bit like that. Our lives may be full of opportunity, adventures and fun but we waste so much precious time hankering after things we don't really need.

I loved these words from your post of 31/5/18: "The answer lies within ...simple as, nobody can open these doors but you."

Very profound, thought provoking and most likely the truest words I shall ever read. It must be lovely to be at peace with one's self, to have understanding and know how to address inner conflict.