...

I'm just going to keep gently pointing things out 🙂 

Great that you're getting CCBT , really happy to hear. Seems like something someone who had compassion for themselves would do. 

20hr long shift? Hmm.... bit of self-compassion lacking, there, maybe?

You're doing great, on your journey, at your pace.

f x

Hiya.. I relate to the long shift thing but we both know that its not good for us

Waggy finger about not eating.... food is good! 🙂

A break from the gym helps your body to recover.

🙂 x

Hey, thank you f and SA. Its like scales huh Freda,..i am just struggling to balance them out.

You and your waggy finger SA ? I will snap it off if you carry on lol...(joking indeed!)

I used to like food, now, its just something on the go so i can at least have a chew. Attempted a pastry yesterday and day before. Peed me off cause as soon as i heated it up - i had to leave it behind as work was calling! Its not the same to come back to the cold stuff really...?

I also had hot pot noodle once whilst a passenger on the 100mph drive lol...never again, but i was so starving at the time i didnt care noodles are flying all over the place ?..it was hot at the time and i was not gonna leave it on the desk!

Alarm to wake up just gone off...yes, 2 pm. I had solid 10hrs sleep last night and woke up at midday so feel a bit on even keel.

I think that shift properly destroyed me and i cannot recover from it. 

Plan today: gym....glorious gym! Finally! ..and then food shopping. ..work later on ..of course....

Really wanted at least a toast today but didnt even had bread in the resources ?

Ps. Just so everyone aware - lil B is ALWAYS fed and looked after. She enjoys her chicken and treats.....

No gambling. Few urges but no time to put them in practice. Maybe with time they will go away too...i keep the hope up!

Stay safe all

S&B xx

Hi diary,

So unforseen circs seen me not going to work yesterday. Not health related but other issues.

This followed with some assistance from my boiii..not exactly the first date neither of us imagined but sometimes you just have to go with a flow ? (love the roses either way!)

I think i like him! Very different from the chats and phone calls..cute also..

So we tried to sort out what had to be sorted out for the biggest part of the night...phew. so far so good.

Awoke happy (not that often occurrence) & with no care in the world either really ?

Dear oh dear, S...the things i least expect from myself, i go on and do lol.

No gambling, quite warm today so shall go for a good walk and then gym...and then work (for real this time....or will i? ???)

Stay safe all!

Dear diary,

Thought a lot about big C virus stuff. Yes, social media is running non stop about it but when you see on black and white yourself, kinda hits home.

We all been equipped with masks, overalls, protective glasses and gear....which is ok, but truly feels real this time.

We also have to follow every single news update on our special webpage so we are constantly updated with whats going on arpund us...its like we don't read enough on the news!

Not ranting here. Just sending my warmest and strongest best wishes to everyone who works in public sector, exposes themselves for such risk and keeps going forward regardless. You, my dears - are real heroes!

Stay safe all please (dont forget to wash your hands thoroughly!)

S&B xx

Hi diary,

Today i feel completely wiped out. Just so tired and dont seem to be able to do anything. I tried tidying up the place, walking lil girl and washing. Now just sit here with a bit of headache feeling exhausted.

Have many issues with car. Dont feel able to fix it myself anymore. I injured my hand the other day trying to sort it out. Its painful.

I booked OT. I know i shouldn't. I know i need rest and time to recover. I know i cannot earn all the money and should get my priorities right. I know i would rather spend a day/night with little girl providing her comfort. I know i should just do nothing and relax....

..but i will not do what i should do. I will work yet another shift to help the ends meet. I will still be tired when my normal set starts...and the wheels will get in motion. ..no break, no time to rest, no recovery.

I don't know why i do this but i do. Difficult times financially. Money is not gonna buy me heath but i need money to go by.

Life is not fair...its tiring and exhausting.

S&B xx

Hey hun,

Don't forget to pay attention to if there is a new cough with that fatigue and headache, or a fever 😉

Naughty f ?..i couldn't play on it even if feel a bit broken physically..

...so, i keep making these crazy choices recently. Invited my boiii round last night and it was quite clear what i had in mind ?. I only met him once and even if we spoke quite a lot in the past month and a half, we literally spent whole evening & night in bed (not sleeping).

So now woke up with a little headache (had few martinis last night) and a bit of confusion of whta i am doing with my life. 

I am very aware that i am an adult. Little fragile and vulnerable S has grown into confident and responsible woman...responsible...hmmmm, i am not sure. Last nights actions surpised me...dont know if its age or something or im just tired of loneliness (finally!). 

Need to look at positives...even of i feel a bit broken lol...not sure if it was gym or mentioned marathon of "excersice" but im feeling a little relieved.

Found lovely note stuck on the fridge with " kiss, see you soon". I may give my life and romance another go....

Ummmm...back to bed me thinks, gotta night shift to get over with..and i do need ro sleep!

No gambling

S&B xx

Hi diary,

Is it really 213 days?WOW! Nice one S...high five you!

So im still not sure of im coming or going. No sleep yesterday and a nighshifter which was challenging shall i say. Got back around 08:00 ish and went straight to bed. Up at 16:30...quick food, walkies and im watching the time to go bk to bed again for 03:00 up time tom. This is honestly mental! Absolutely.

Corona stuff affected my peers already. Matter of time till we all go down. ..what we gonna do then huh?

But until then, im happy..ish.....no gambling...no gym either as no time. Possibly Wednesday if im lucky. Presently its a go go go go..can't find breaks...really can't.

Stay safe all

S&B xx....wash your hands to happy bday tune, it will save us i hear!

Afternoon diary,

Onto day 216...feels longer than that but rather not rush time.

Difficult climate for the population these days. 

Its really sobering to be told to go off and isolate so you can come back in time when the next one goes off...as we all will eventually. Maddness! Im not going off just yet, little dry cough is my usual (smokers cough).. 

Sad that gym is closed, feel a bit lost tbf. Didnt go in the shops for the past week so not sure what situation is in my village ?..alli know, fridge is empty lol..so the trip to supermarket is unavoidable...when i find time.

Well..what can i say. Blessings to all emergency workers, shop assistants, cleaners and delivery drivers. .....if we all help each other out, we may find this whole experience less daunting and depressing.

Stay safe all, wash your hands

S&B xx

Im shocked.. 

So i have been working all hours of the day/night and no time for groceries shopping for a week. I heard rumours whats going on out there. ..i managed to find a gap between my shifts today and went to the supermarket as cupboards and fridge (plus lil girl's supplies) are empty.

I am honestly crying right now. I cant believe what i saw in the supermarket -pure emptiness...No eggs -that's ok, i can survive. No milk - i will be struggling but black coffee can do the trick, no potatoes or bread...hmmm...i dunno about that.., no chicken or any other meat...almost devastating...but what really pierced my heart was no dog food or treats..my heart sank because how can i support my little girl now? I cannot tell her that due to mum being busy with work ( saving sanity and protecting others), she missed taking care of herself and lil baby.

I'm torn apart. ..i did find some food in corner shop, milk, ..forzen stuff. Still no meat, eggs or bread. 

Makes me wonder...just last month we shouted from the top of the lungs - "BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER"..this month seems the oposite....sigh.

.im depressed. This did not help whatsoever...no gym, no food...just work....work work work playing with risks of catching the nasty stuff myself. 

I wanna cry more. I need support. ..i want to support someone struggling too but i am just too tired now.

S&B xx

Hi SB28,

So sorry you were faced with this situation today. It's so unfair, especially since you've been working so hard supporting others. Glad you were able to find something in the corner shop. If you still can't find any dog food tomorrow I wonder if any of your colleagues might have some they can spare?

You might also find this news encouraging:

https://inews.co.uk/news/health/tesco-nhs-workers-shopping-m-and-s-coronavirus-outbreak-when-opening-times-2504066

You are doing really well not to let this trigger you. If you're struggling, you can contact us on 0808 8020 133 or by webchat. 

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi D, thank you very much for your supportive and informative post. I do hope you're staying safe and well yourself.

" When our mind is in the mist, we fail to see the options available".

This is exactly what happened yesterday (& few days ago)...i failed to see wider options.

This early (early) morning i found a solution regarding my gym. We have gym at work!! ?...and so 03:50 i was tackling those weights once again. What a relief! I cannot put into words! Feel very refreshed indeed.

At 06:00 hrs my colleagues kindly took me to the supermarket...and so i now got the essentials: bread, eggs, chicken, girl's food.....what a blessing!

What really surprised me and lifted my spirits up even more, was a kind gesture of a lovely lady in the shop. She approached me with a loaf of bread and asked if i wanted it ...(rack was already empty). ..i kindly declined as i went for baked "white bloomer"....

But the gesture of the person really made a difference..humanity is not lost!!!

Back home..excersiced (hopefully will fit a outside run later on), girl eaten and happy....sun is up even if i have to go to bed....but i shall go to bed smiling...because....we have options out there if we wish to see them ?

Again, dear Deirdre, your post is really appreciated..thank you. Warmed my heart and kicked me into gear ?.

Stay safe everyone...just for today!

S&B xx

Hi diary,

A bit gloom & doom day today...well...morning really but been up for quite long so i guess day/night merged into one.

Im not myself. Cant explain. Not exactly panic but thinking what's next. This environment is not good for anyone.

Hmmm...did a gym session again (25mins to yesterday's 15). Taking what i can. ..this is real and so i need to stay on top of my mental health mainly.

They're on about separating us at work even more. I raised a concern that isolation from your own colleagues not gonna be good for emotional and mental wellbeing. Sitting in your own head does no good no matter how much i like isolation.

Worry about parents

Worry about colleagues

Worry about strangers

Worry about world....

Go figure.

Am into days off now however must stay on standby and wait for the call..not sure i will be able to do it. Told boss i need my "coma" time of at least 15hrs sleep...he laughed. Fair enough.

Ummm...so yeah, mind in overdrive really. Didnt go for a run yesterday but at least ate well. Sister cooked and so invited for a meal before shift. Had a feast!!!

Town is empty..its proper apocalypse..weird...something so new.

Daily briefings brings many changes...just dont know what to expect next.

They talk about closing gym at work....well..shoot me now then!

That's about it. No gambling..just in limbo..

Ps. Saw advice for not have s*x with a partner if you live separately at least for two weeks..w*f? What else will be banned...wrong...

Stay safe all..we will....somehow..will overcome this

S&B xx

Allowed myself to cry today. I miss parents. I want them to stay safe...yet i feel trapped that i cannot see them.

Mummy still on hospital. Im doing my best to keep her there as its safer environment...(she is in for a mental health episode and been there for at least 6 weeks)...dad ....  ....dad keeps working. Ignores me completely, he will not stop. He will keep putting himself at risk..

Rings a bell with me.....

Tears are good, offers strange relief...

I am desperate to get back to work already..loosing my mind here on my own. Maybe overtime is on cards.. i have to be out there.  I feel the duty of care... 

Stay safe all, blessings

S&B xx