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Hi diary,

Another day. At home. Went for a run earlier on. It was good to escape to the fresh air...nobody around..peace, lovely smell of the forest...sunshine.

Started having headache whilst running and unfortunately it didn't ease off yet.

Worried about lil girl. She has tooth abscess. Cheek is not swollen and she does not display any signs of pain, plus eats as usual  ...but im worried. Didnt check if vets are open but also worried about what it may cost..

No hot water at home. Not sure why. Boiler seems to work...so a bit lost there.

Did 2 good things for others today. Made me  feel a bit better.

Gonna try and support others on here. This time is really challenging and i believe support is necessary and welcome.

None of you are alone.

Stay safe

S&Bxx

I have a message to everyone on here...

Why dont we support each other?  We know how this feels..urges and so on..

Why dont we give GamCare staff a break? They're humans too..exhausted...here, of course, but exhausted.

Let's do our best for each other. I honestly don't think we need certified MH worker on here for a chat...we are all capable of that..

Just a thought

Hiya... yes am surprised that more people aren't posting to be honest. Maybe the collective shock of recent developments has numbed people into inaction. I see it at my work place. I do read your thoughts even when i don't post.

Thinking of you.. S.A x

Thank you for visiting my diary Sandra. The mat by my front door has welcome written on it especially for sentient beings like you and Bella.

I imagine life will be a struggle for you during these strange times. Gamcare friends like yourself are always in my prayers and I wish you peace, good health and contentment.

Life is an adventure and like any good adventure it is full of intrigue and surprises. Let us embrace the challenges with a happy smile.

Stephen x 

Thanks SA and Stephen...

Dear diary,

Uncertain times indeed. Im like a yo-yo with my mental health already. Am keeping active and probably do about 100 pressups, push ups and sit ups a day.. just so i keep active. Not the same..i miss gym.

Back to work soon and checked emails today...dear oh dear already. I wish i could self isolate...truly sounds an appealing option. ..but i haven't got that option. Im feeling well (apart from unexpected cough last night which woke me up at 04:00...it was a bit uncontrollable and felt like something is stuck in my throat...what did i do?went gor a f*g as you do lol) ..im ok again tho....

I am aware i may of caught something around 6-7 days ago. Had a lot of contact with people...who are not exactly upkept, and also has their own ...contagious stuff. This is just very real...and i will not know until like 2 weeks. Wish they could do tests for us...

Still no hot water and i would like to wash my hair really...roots showing as my apt at hairdressers yesterday of course didn't go ahead. Hate to think how i will look shortly...:-/

Worried about lil girl. I cant even take her to my sister's for a week whilst i work. I truly wanted just to drop her off and leave her there for a week. ..i could sacrifice not seeing her during that time...i don't know....sister blankly refused this "plan"..not allowed to see family members..bahh....what if i drop her off in a garden? Dont need to have contact with any of them huh..or shall i take her to work? Would break my heart seeing her in kennel...cant win!

So a bit gloom and doom once again. Feel lonely but deep deep in my heart i know we will somehow get through this. ...if we do what we need to do...and maybe support each other more. MH is deffo at bigger risk now.

No urges, more important worries around huh.

Stay safe all, stay in, save lives ❤

S&B xxx

Posted by: S.A

Hiya... yes am surprised that more people aren't posting to be honest. Maybe the collective shock of recent developments has numbed people into inaction. I see it at my work place. I do read your thoughts even when i don't post.

Thinking of you.. S.A x

SA..to respond to your reply...i was wondering..how many people will realise that all this is not about gambling?

I guess not many...even crisis like this doesnt make ppl appreciate and realise its so little to do with gambling..humanity huh..

Gambling is a symptom, if you don't see it now....well, please dig deeper

S&B xx

Hi diary,

Another beautiful morning. Not feeling too well and kept waking up in pain constantly over night. Women problems and belly ache. Have no painkillers at home and do not think this is essential enough for me to leave house and go to pharmacy. It will settle down, eventually.

Engineer should arrive today to have a  look at boiler. Thinking how to keep the distance. I guess i will let him get on and lock myself in the room or something. 

Still worrying about coming days and lil girl's care. I do think the right thing to do is leave her here but with such long hours (plus not knowing if i have to extend them), i truly cannot leave her on her own. I will try sistrr again with the suggestion of leaving her in the garden so dont get in contact with any of them. May need to run this through with boss first tho...put sister's minf at ease. Another worry is me driving all these distances for a week now. I usually stay at sister's on few days during the set. Now this option gone and i will be more exposed to tiring drives and risk to myself.

Oh dear, the times we live in.

We must take this seriously. The danger of catching this is so real and sobering. 

Stay safe all, stay at home - save lives.

S&B xx

Hi diary....

Tired.

In a way glad i was able to escape to work (at least not following all crappy news)..but on the other hand - a shift from hell! Social distancing? My a*se! Nothing like that at all..people think they're on holiday!

Had a clever chap who suddenly started coughing and spewing close to my face...makes me sick! ..yet my hands were tight. xxx crazy this is! ..many people sadly plays at this now...

2 metres distance away? Haha...even people who should know better had to be warned to back off....unbelievable. i am 100% sure i will get it..got it or had it..no doubt about it at all.

...but, let's look at the positives...i shall clap for NHS staff today at 20:00 (if still awake) because in all this, they're real heroes! So shout out to you SA, BOO, MURLO....i respect you all so much! Without you - we have tied hands...Thank you so so much for what you do. ❤..and the rest of care staff..

Last note...my local ASDA..hats off for staff too...two metre rule (i would say 5!) ...and then she had to authorise my age at the self check out ...she quite loudly shouted" STAND BACK"..lol...send me flying a mile away indeed...bless you all..

Please stay safe...please stay indoors..outside is too dangerous ❤..& too many idiots around..

Pps...last note for sure...miss girl. Love her to pieces. I don't like this quiet in the house...

And...another ppps....my car has almost packed up. ..not good times...fingers crossed for getting to work safely tom..

Much love and another ???? for our superstars!

No gambling....no urges..

S&B xx

Hiya,

There will always be a minority of idiots. I just hope that there behaviour doesn't effect us all. I think most of us can cope with the current restrictions. I think the goverment has got the balance about right. but if the restrictions get more draconian because of the idiots then the situation for us all could get very troubling. But like you say, we gotta keep positive and yes a big thank you off to all those doing essential jobs (including your good self) and those volunteering... 🙂

Hi Sandra. Thank you for posting on my diary. We go back a good while and I have always appreciated your wisdom, kindness and understanding.

Sorry you are having such a tough time of it during these very difficult times. It must be very traumatic having to work through all the troubles. Bless you my friend. You are often in my thoughts.

Wishing you some kind of respite from all the stressful situations you are having to work in.

Stephen x 

Thank you SA and Stephen..appreciated xx hope you both keeping safe

Diary,

It is ok. We will overcome this. We are yet another troop down at work and its truly chilling to see what's going on around, but go on i must...

Today was better than yesterday. Not easier but....i handled it better i guess. A lot happened but it is what it is...

Ummm...i do miss girl tho...today i ....sneaked in sister's garden for her to let girl out to say hello...amazing moment for me opposed to her 5 secs jumps and walking off not interested ?..i think she has too good life over there...lil cousin (Russ) to play with, full attention of sis and her family...variety of food (sis loves to cook)..warm bed (her hubby puts her to sleep each night in the bed i usually sleep in when stay over)......what else could you ask for?

Sister keeps sending vids/photos of her happiness...i am very happy as a result...

Not much else to be fair.

May Lord stays with you and protects you. Stay safe please..follow guidance....save lives ❤...stay indoors as much as you can.

Peace to all...

No gambling.

S&B xx

Hiya... glad your coping ok with work.

I am staying indoors, just going for solitary run or to work. 

We all do are bit eh.

No gambling

Take care... S.A x

Thank you SA, appreciated xx

Diary,

Very bad day yesterday. I let someone get to me to the state i wanted to die. I didn't, obviously but i did a shame of run back home. That knee j**k reaction...i so wish i could manage those better.

I waited for another shift to come in tho...cannot leave my one and ONLY colleague to save this crazy town. ..but then i run. Almost like a set in a movie, waiting for a gate to open in the car park and holding back the flood of tears preparing to finally release them on the other side of gate, my car suddenly was ramped with other shift colleagues, my boss and .....God...i dont know. They said im better than this...they said dont let "him" win...they said they're there for me and they said to call them if i need to talk...

I felt like a drama queen..truly did. So childish actions  .. just so childish.

I picked my girl up (from the distance, she was let out in my arms at a safe distamce away), i brought her home. It was happy emotions to see her but also sad ones of what just gone on at work.

I spoke to adviser here. I was in distressed state. The best advise provided was to hug my girl..which i did....all night. I held her paw, i hugged her massive frame...all night. I had disturbed sleep, nightmares, flashbacks. ..i woke up to a message from colleagues with more enforcement to assure me that im in the right and have right to feel as i do. Top level made yet again wrong decision putting me in this situation..it broke me last night.

I was determined not to come back to work...just self isolate. Not sure if i feel  S***e or all this worldwide situation got to me this bad too that i started to imagine symptoms myself. This morning i was short of breath. Chest pains..i struggled. Good few hours.

I was about to ring dedicated number to announce my absence for a week...but i didn't...mainly cause i KNOW im better than this (to deal with work situ).. i will not let him win and i will not let him emotionally put me into this low mindset..he is not worth my death. I will fight.

Secondly, i will not leave my only colleague to deal with the world...i simply can't.

Thirdly, i am feeling better physically and so i believe i will not spread any germs...

My eyes hurts, i cried a lot. ...

But i also made sure i ate, walked my girl and took time to reflect on things.

Its very stressful recently and this just tipped me over..breaking point. I think we will have more of those. People are breaking all around us..its difficult times.

I wrote to communications manager here to review my moderation. Just so i can be more live when posting/supporting/ responding.

Sorry about low post. Being honest.

I best get ready for work...i must stay strong...mentally more than ever.

Stay safe all, blessings

S&B xx

The time has come for me to self isolate ☹...not happy but cant take this physical pain no more.

Stay safe all...none of us are protected.

Blessings

You have done the right thing.

Your not well, whether its Covid 19 or not.

Stay home, hug duvet and dog and ride it out.

Thoughts are with you x