...

Good for calming urself down...don't know how to put link on...but here it is : Life @ Pure Future festival( ice area) - Sasha....maybe a bit too heavy for some...but calming trust me:-)

Night all xx

Morning Sandra

Keep getting it all out its much better out than in. , that's exactly what ur diary is for loggin every thought good and bad and when its bad just off load it it will really help u and that's all that matters, iv done it so many times as I av too or it brings stress which of course is a trigger to gamble so just do what u need to do its all bout u it has to be

With uploading links I could never do had no idea but asked around and its not that hard, he theirs a link u want to put on find the share sign copy it or in on ur phone copy it to a message then copy it then when posting just paste it and it should appear, believe me if I can do it anyone can lol

More importantly though is to get through the tough days and feel the benefits for the next one and I hope today is a great one for u

Castle2

Hi Sandra

I agree with Castle. Your diary is there for it all-the great and the S***e times- sharing the crapola often helps immensely.

Hopefully today's a better day for you 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Castle, Irene....your posts are most appreciated xx thank you...

Dear diary,

Out of my cave...couldn't make myself to face world today. Hiding under the duvet and crying my eyes out......charming....

Urges was here, but as i say .....f**k THEM ( sorry for my language)....I was thinking a lot, eating myself inside out and blaming myself....

Anger still here.....but is sustaining now...nothing i can do and nothing i can change...

The thing is, there is nothing wrong with me ( so everyone says).... it's inside me, i can be so evil and detesting everyone sometimes, and the loveliest girl next, but i believe that was brought up on me......maybe i will change, which is wrong in my eyes, then ppl say ...oh you have to change....i can't change my character, it is something i got from the birth and everyone got two choices...like me or not...simples... it is what it is...

Ramble again, but i actually feel myself again, facing life and dealing with the s**t it troughs at me..

Day 119 GO GO GO Sandra!

And all of you dear soldiers keep the fight going and be yourselves:) xxx

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

Yes, facing life and dealing with the shitola is exactly what you are doing and doing it brilliantly I might add. Hugs Sandra. -joanxxxx

Hey Sandra, well done on you 119 days! Just been catching up on your diary, sorry to hear you have been struggling but you are doing a good job fending off those urges. Take care and keep strong xxx

I think it's ok to be angry when you have a good reason to be and express it properly. Personally, I stifle my anger far too often and then deal with it inappropriately by drinking, gambling, etc. I should probably take the same advice and write in my diary when I'm angry. You are doing amazing! You haven't gambled and should pat yourself on the back for that.

Thank you ladies,

Dear diary,

What a weekend! Jeez, i 'm glad it's Monday and i'm back to work tonight. But as they say, whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. And i am growing stronger, stronger with each passing day.

Another day gamble free. No plans for that what so ever. Day 120 ( 17 weeks )

Going strong

Take care all

Sandra x

Yo,

Virtually holding your hand Hun.

Stay strong and before you know it 17 will turn in to 20 , 4o and 100 .

Great big fat hugs

Shiny xxxxxx

Thanx Shiny 🙂

Not too happy, want to go for a run, but landlord messing about with radiators:(

Well, i suppose we can have some heating this winter lol

OK, enough rambling, patience is the key in all aspects of this life:)

S x

Hello diary,

Don't seem to keep still today lol ( hopefully going to help me get through tonight hehe) Had a fantastic run ( in a rain, ever so refreshing i have to say) and since i'm in week 17, i decide to bring my list back here and see which points out of them are still achievable this year and which not:

1- been gambling free for over two months.(TICK this one - still going strong)

2- seeing councellor to help to sort the reasons why I've got myself into this cr**.( TICK this one, i know the root issue and working on it)

3- told my sister ( which was veryyyyy tough)(TICK - not much changed since then, i think she forgot all about it, because keeps milking me for money lol )

4- spend more time outdoors and took sport on ( which i enjoy) (TICK - running even in a rain, bring snow in lol)

5- need to save money to try and go to see parents at least for Christmas (......Not going to happen i'm afraid, hopefully next summer....)

6- finding true me( TICK - not always like what i see, but hey ho, two personalities which you love and hate)

7- getting all this support from this site and lovely people( BIGGEST TICK - thank you dear soldiers, i couldn't do it without you)

8- accepting that life can be cr**, but finding other ways to deal with problems ( TICK - still learning, will be better when alcohol goes out of the picture as well)

9- gambling sucks and it's waste of time and money ( TICK - couldn't agree more)

10- i am a better and stronger person each day, i do it for myself, but as well for others on this site, i am more confident in myself, i smile more, i feel good being fit, i enjoy my sister's and friends company, i don't lie to myself or others anymore, i want to look to the new future and make more healthier decisions in life. ( TICK )

Well looks like, only one point is not achievable this year, but hey, i'm going by the book;) ....patience and i will get there...

OK off to work and thank you all again for your support...it is very much appreciated, and 90% of my work paid off because of this site and all of you on here xx

Keep going fighters and take care

Sandra x

Hey Sandra,

Plenty of ticks on that list, time to start adding a few new ones maybe? I find that setting myself small targets and things i want to achieve each day really help me stay focused.

In the early days "just for today I will not gamble was always at the top of my list and that hasnt changed as i know that without gambling to cloud my judgement and invade my life I have the ability to choose and change.

We are all and always still be learning and growing and that will do me fine.

Enjoy work.

take care

blondie

xx

Thanx Blondie xx

Good morning/evening/day diary lol

Madness this morning because have to stay up for another 3 hours, cause have to be someplace for 11.

Crazy night at work, but i was thinking a lot, where would i be and what would i do if i wouldn't have my job.......Ohhh scary thought, i need it to survive, feed myself, pay bills, debt...so i am very lucky to be employed and should be more thankful for the opportunity to earn money and don't waste it.

Anyway, back to this morning, i feel like i testing myself...on my own, there is a tablet in a house with no blocks on...it's already in my head! d**n!

......What's why i'm here, i realized another thing today, this recovery is so much more important to me, than wasting money on s***** sl****...

So i have just kindly push them urges to the side and carry on with my day:)

Just for today i WILL NOT GAMBLE

Nearly bed time, but for now i shall keep reading and gifting myself my life back.

Simple as it sounds:)

Take care all

Keep fighting the good fight

Sandra x

OOPS..Nearly forgot...day 121 and it stays this way:)

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your post on my diary. I really appreciate it. Great to read that you are doing so well.

Best wishes

Dave X