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Day 125.... your doing mighty fine young lady! Well done for getting through that urge to gamble. Tiredness can warp the thinking and often does. Sleep well, sleep well. Regards... S.A 🙂

Great one Sandra for getting through as SA said ....you may have had the urges but you didn't act on them and that's all that matters Hun...xx

Keep on running ! ..with you and SA on the forum it's great to see how you turn those thoughts into something positive like exercise...

You are a real asset to people in here Sandra and so supportive ans kind dispire your own ups and downs . keep posting it all out ..

((((S)))))

R and D x

Thank you S.A, and Rachel, it is very much appreciated xx

Dear diary,

3rd entry in the last 24 hours....my mind is really settled lol 🙂

I could slap my wrists for this mornings thoughts, looking for an easy way out ey?.....i found it in the end - dream world lol!

Tried to think what could of triggered my urges, besides tiredness...i know, it was very stressful night at work...2 different audits on my shoulders, weekly staff briefing, attending course, and to top it of...my dear ' best ' worker kicked of again....

It is getting on my nerves, because i have the power to issue her with the last written warning,which means...bye bye... you can't keep somebody there, who is bullying every single worker....i do feel guilty not stepping that step, i think it's not down to me....senior manager is aware....but...they don't do anything about it...How many times you can give warnings, and in a weeks time all is back to the square one? what little cry softens managers hearts?????? how many tears she costed for others? ....oh better stop rambling, winding me up...

Anyway, i think this was a trigger this morning...pressure, stress.

I'm glad it's all over, i'm back to being 100% , had a fantastic run/walk lol....yea...i think snail was moving faster than me lol.....but it is like recovery, step by step moving forward:)

All good, second round in heaven tonight and i feel strong and ready to fight again!

Day at a time

we will get there

Take care all

Sandra x

Hey Sandra, well done on you 125 days of being gamble free! I am sure you feel fab!!

Sorry to hear about the stresses of your job, must be a really difficult situation - I hate bullying and don't understand why some people have to be so nasty. Hope you get it resolved amicably.

Have a great weekend xxx

Hey Sandra

Congratulations on 125 days! That's a fantastic achievement 🙂

Jeez- we're so similar lol. The madness when tiredness clouds our thinking is murder eh?

Glad to hear you've had a wee rest and feeling stronger!

Enjoy whats left of your weekend!

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you ladies:-) Both have a lovely Sunday....Pink, no headache please:-)

Dear diary,

Another day down. No worrying thoughts this morning. Actually don't feel too well, maybe getting cold, maybe tiredness and lack of sleep start catching up....

Hey ho, it's my life, the life i prefer to live tired but, at least be g free!!!

Day 126 ( i love to see three numbers in my recovery journey;-) )

Lol..just worked it out.....18 weeks yay!

Take care all and have a lovely Sunday, relax and take your day as it comes xx

Goodnight for me lol 🙂

Sandra x

18 weeks. That's really awesome. Thank you so much for the post. It meant alot and I needed it. That's why I'm trying to post everyday again because I could feel myself drifting not necessarily towards gambling but just losing a bit of focus. It's great to read how far you have gone and that you are more at peace with everything. Just keep doing what your doing because your doing great. And I'll start thinking up a new challenge for us all. Can't believe this ones nearly ending - sometimes time really can just vanish. Can't wait to see you at the finish line.

Hey Dave...

hard time to BE today, but here i am...injured but not defeated....

Day at a time

S x

P.s. i'm glad i'm off to work now, because my defences are at their lowest and i would of be getting wasted now, or go out and do smthing silly....and all my journey would be worth 0

no way back!!!

Sandra.

a brave post from a very brave lady.

i take my hat off to you.

and leave you with this.

whatever happens in life the answer for us will not be found in a punt.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Sandra..

The thing is you are doing the hard work and really putting so much into your recovery...I'm not sure why your sister is not seeing that and making you feel worse.

All i can say to offer some support is that sometimes people who we least expect can feel jealous or threatened for crazy reasons even if it is us who seem to be struggling with life the most and more than they...maybe with you doing so well is altering the way it's been and your relationship may be going through some changes.

keep your recovery solid Sandra and stay close to your diary ...

R and D xxx

Ps sorry also for being ms detective but I hate to see good people in pain xx

Hope is a wonderful thing,

something to be cherished and nurtured,

and something that will refresh us in return.

And it can be found in each of us,

And it can bring light into the darkest of places.

Xx stay strong everybody xx

Hey Sandra

Yes you are well worth all the support on this forum and in life and deserve it too, so don't ever think that you are not..

I hate to see people in pain ..always trying to work out how to fix it but I know it's not my job...I know families can be the biggest test of all especially when they don't get it and still are needy...

you are worth it Sandra and in many ways our paths on here are the same..all of us kind people and all of us one way or another getting put upon and not knowing how to cope...

No matter what side we are all in the same boat Hun ..good days and bad days xxxxx

R and D xxx

Morning Sandra

Stay strong with all the family stuff goin on out of it ur the bigger and better person ur the one dealing with ur problems, it is hard when our gambling past keeps biting us just got to keep looking forward the good days will outweigh the bad ones.

Don't forget ur other family on here the ones who will never judge only support and were all here for you just like you are for us

Castle2

Thank you my dear friend Sofi, Duncs, Rachel and Castle....You are right Castle, it is my second home and you are my second family...Thank you for being here ((((( GC )))))

So dear diary,

Days 127,128 went a bit in a blur.

Very upsetting conversation with sister, and i just can't work it all out. i am trying and my mind is racing 500 miles per hour..

The thing is, her problem is money, my problem is coping with life and surviving....

if i want to buy something, but can't afford it, i just simply leave it...if i can afford it, i will still think twice if i really need it....in her case, she will buy it no matter what ( she is a queen of Armani, Versace, Prada and on and on...

Most of the times we are in the different worlds, and she only contacts me, when she needs to vent her problems and anger out....i never talk( not by choice) my job is to listen....

Like the other day, she found herself in a deep end with money ( again) so rung me to vent it out....From slagging me off for being a gambler and wasting my money....to then, on the next breath telling me i HAVE to look after her credit cards, couse she is out of control spending.....Now, does it makes sense?...It upset me at the start, but now i can't help but raise a smile of someones silliness...

Very mature.....31 year old mum of one....digging deeper hole for herself and her family......the thing is,....i am working on my problems, and i will be debt free next year, when she....digs herself deeper and deeper down....what's a point to try and advice somebody, if you feel like talking to the brick wall.........

Families.......sometimes can hurt you the most....but you always love them no matter what...

Well, diary, that was a bit of venting from me today....on the lighter note, my world is good, i spend most of my days off outdoors running, no urges to gamble what so ever, i want to get out of this deep hole, i want to understand myself better, i want to help others if if i can.........and i know that everything is possible:) Believe and determination....

I was gifted my life today, because i had a choice to make....And i made it,...upwards and onwards!!!!!! No gambling today!

Thanx for reading:)

Take care all

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

Its true that some people don't realise how lucky they are. I have never in my whole life been able to afford a designer anything... not that I desperately want a designer anything.

Sounds like your sister has a shopping addiction. She will find out for herself the consequences of her addiction, just as we have done with our gambling addictions. I suggest not looking after any cards for her.

I also know people who will say they are skint and then go out and buy a big plasma telly or go out drinking... how does that work?? When I am skint, I am skint.

There is this women at work who tells me all her problems. She says that I am a good listener. Am not a good listener with her, I switch off. I don't know what her current problems are. I don't hear them. But the point being she doesn't really care whether I hear them or not, its the fact that the words are out and not trapped in her head. Secretly I want to tell her to shut the f*** up, but I don't cos that would be unprofessional lol

On the flip side. I arrived at work the other morning to be met by the two new staff who seldom speak. They may not even have vocal chords lol. The silence was a little awkward but them motor mouth arrived to fill the silence.

I am being cruel. She's a nice lady, heart of gold in many ways... its just me am a bit stressed out and tired today.. hence the ramble. Am sure you don't mind.. thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

P.s great stuff on the gambling free time