Blondie your a pain the a**e….… all I can hear in my head is Zippidee doooo darrrrr Zipideee dayyyyyy my oh my what a gamble free day. Haha. I definitely won't gamble with that in my head.
Friday is my favourite day of the week, not because its the end of the working week for me but because I get to see my BF. When we spoke about my gambling he was dissapointed that I hadnt told him myself he found gamcare website on my phone and asked what it was, I wasnt going to lie so i told him.
There was a number of reasons why I didnt tell him all of them displaying behavouris that im trying to change.. I was scared.. Scared of how he would react, scared that he wouldnt love me anymore, scared that he wouldnt think i was perfect.... Someone shared last night in my G.A meeting about the word fear and what it can stand for ... when we gamble fear means. f*** Everything And Run.... Thats exactly what i did as a gambler, I ran and I Hid.....
But now fear could mean... Face Everything And Recover.
Im not scared anymore... Do your worst life... You can only kill me once lol..........
I feel so free that my I dont have to lie to myself or my BF anymore, and guess what ? he still loves me infact he said he thinks it has brought us closer and if at all possible he loves me more.
Im done running from life, Im getting busy living.........
Today I did something amazing... Today I didnt gamble.
Have a fantastic weekend everyone, thank you for your posts.
Blondie xxx
Blondie.
my dear friend I would just like to say
Yes today you did do something amazing!!!!
I hope you have a good weekend no I know you will have a great weekend.
Keep making the choice.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
For Every Thing A Reason (Fear)
good on ya Blondie..facing that fear...
Courage is'nt the absence of fear..it is doing something DESPITE feeling that fear...
Everytime I set foot on a plane I think im going to die..but I step on that plane.
R and D xx
ps...Ian Brown from the Stone Roses song f.E.A.R that i posted a few days back...i cant stick him..but that song is a work of art..
Every word in the lines of the song spells FEAR...
and for that I doff my hat to him..brilliant.
Finding Everything And Realising
R and D xx (which also stands for Research and Development..lol)
Great post Blondie glad things are good with you and your BF. The 2 FEAR descriptions are great spot on, i think we can all agree with that.
Your disney life perception isnt to bad a one and id say your happily ever after is pretty much here. Lovely fella sticking by you, turning your life around, no gambling, no smoking. Yep id say your doing d**n good.
Hi Blondie, thanks so much for your post on mine, Im still snatching the use of my sons when I can, gonna have to get a new one, think the old ones well and truly finished 🙁
Was looking up at the clouds today and saw a huge one in the shape of the number 9, and guess who was on it ?? yup, it was YOU my friend. So happy for you, can feel your 'lightness' in your words, hes a lucky fella, and I hear you say right back "Im the lucky one". Wish you both all the happiness in the world, you deserve it - and each other so so much.
Have a wonderful weekend my friend,
Cameron
hi blondie
hope you are enjoying the weekend, was just catching up on some posts and see yours about the new meaning of fear i like that one.
keep up the great work
gamble frees the way forward
carl
Hi Blondie,
I hope that all is well with yourself. Just to let you know that my wife has given birth to a baby boy - Sam. He is adorable and I couldn't be happier if a little tired! LOL!
Take care
Dave X
hey hun
I'm thinking your still in the process of Facing Everything and Recovering and no doubt some good heart to hearts with your man.
Rain?..is it raining ? ...I never even noticed.... lol : )
R and D xx
Hi Blondie,
I really loved that post from you about facing our fears, so so true 😉
Never in doubt how much the bf loves you and i'm so glad that you can see how much now too, the release from the unknown has made you fly so high and i am so proud of you for being brave enough to do it!
Life just gets better and better for you!
Keep Strong girl, your doing amazing 😉
Lucy xxx
Blondie your doing so well a day at a time from day 1 youve gave your recovery your all and you deserve so much everything your getting now in return.
Take care
A great weekend, went to banatines gym yesterday may sign up to it thought we would test it out.... Nice swin, jacuzzi and sauna and a chill out and started my new book. Then went for a curry with my BF and Mum.
No gambling, No thoughts, Lots of conversations with my BF re recovery and my gambling past, its like having my own personall sponser, he has and continues to be amazing and such a massive support and challenges me in a good way about recovery.
Its 3 months to my holiday woooo hooo.... and ive lost about 4lbs already felt pretty good in my bikiini yesterday. This is also my 7th week i think of no smoking, which is just amazing how im doing it i dont know but doing it i am.. One day at a time i find it so easy to not do something for one day and look at how the days have mounted up.
Off to the doctors tomorrow I have some kind of thing growing on my scalp/head, no idea what it is, maybe some kind of wart but its definatly getting bigger and my head keeps going a bit numb... nothing new there i hear you say lol.
So onwards and upwards dispite the rubbish weather.
Thanks for the posts everyone.
Blondie xxx
hi blondie
great to hear that you had a good weekend, thats the way it should be.
you have put in a lot of work and challenging yourself with no smoking as well, i take my hat off to you.
gamble frees the way forward
carl
Yo,
Ummmmm hope you get on ok at the doctors tomorrow , please keep us posted ......
As for life , well it all sounds pretty good , as I said last week telling your BF seems to have encouraged you to take a massive leap forward in your recovery .
You really are someone ( and there are a few on this site ) who really get what recovery is about . This I have no doubt inspires all who read your thread .
Add to this your humour and probs most like me , have a smile on there face before they even get to click on last post .
For that my friend I thank you , .........
Take care , will be waiting for an update tomorrow .....
Shinyxxxxxxxxxx
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