Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks SA and Jeff,

Feeling good that I haven't really had urges since Saturday. That used to be the pattern, I'd have a small brief lapse, but as a result the urges would come. It was weird, it felt like I was playing like non-CG's do, for the first time in years. Put a few quid in, see what happens, no win? ah well give up! However, I know this doesn't mean Im not a CG anymore.

Im feeling like it was a waste of money still though, as even £5-10 could have done a lot of good to someone else, you always see those oxfam adverts don't you, where it only costs like £6 to buy starving people a goat or something.

Anyway, what can you do?

Hi Freda

Thank you for your honesty.

I wouldn't be able to deceive my mind like that....

" I don't want to go back to day one..so this is day 30..."

" I gambled like a ~non cg~, after all, I walked away with money in my pocket, I was bored of it all"

They would be dangerous thoughts for me. I believe the gambling demon is talking and he would be luring me back, bit by bit.

Because it would carry on with thoughts like...ah I've done it once, I can go back and play responsibly....

NOPE... I know that I can't ever play responsibly... I can delude myself for a little while, ~i'm sure...in the end though, I know where it will lead.

For me the danger lies in that first bet an the thoughts that were evoked with it.

My friend, I pray for you and hope you you can find you safe path again.

One day at a time.

God bless

Charly/Sabine

Thanks Charly,

Thanks for your imput, perhaps you are right. I never for a second suggested I was not a compulsive gambler, because I was gambling in a different way. Just like sometimes an alcoholic will have a drink just because they fancy it and not because they NEED to - doesn't stop them being an alcoholic.

I am still a CG and will always be. I was merely observing that on that occasion, I was grateful I got bored. On that OCCASION I did not get sucked in as I usually would. On that OCCASION I did not feel compelled to stand there for hours, until my pockets and my bank account were empty. Its no reason to think that if I gambled again, it wouldn't go straight back to that though.

I haven't gambled in the way I did on Saturday, for years probably. I just noticed it seemed different, that's all.

However, you are right - as deflating as I find it, I am back to day 1 (or day 2 now). Why pretend otherwise eh?

Thank you for your honesty too, Charly/Sabine. It was given in a helpful, genuine spirit. Im grateful that you voiced your concerns, thats what friends do.

Freda i'm glad Charly has said what she has,hopefully it will help you,i really think that you should have a good chat with your husband and try to reach some kind of arrangement whereby you have very small amounts of money at your disposal,i say this because it strikes me that it's boredom and not massive urges that always lead to your little slips.....a bit like while the cats away the mice will play :).Anyway don't give up giving up.

Seano.

Hi Freda

Thanks for your post on my diary, it was nice to read that gambling now bores you, thats gotta be a really good incentive to knock those urges on the head for good!

Gambling is mind numbing, pointless s**t!!

It wont bring you happiness, but your husband will, spend your money on him...It will give you both more pleasure!

Anyway sorry for rambling....take care and a high five for you! ands xx

Thanks Seano, and ands,

Seano, I only spent about £9 - I needed to get shopping and that so I couldn't have nowt on me.

I know I cant control my gambling, I do. Im doing my best, but I dont think a slip means you are not making progress. I am making progress for sure, I dont think Im in denial. Everyone else is doing wonderful not gambling at all, but I am trying my best and I am happy with what Im achieving even if its not the ideal.

A family member really upset me today, proper doubled over pain, I had to go home from work because I was so upset. Do you know what though? I didn't get drunk or comfort-eat or do anything else that WEAKENS me, and is self-defeating. I had a good cry and done a workout. I will take good care of my wellbeing because some people harm it. I deserve to be very happy actually, so they can P*** off! Im going to rise above like a phoenix or that.

Freda, ((((K))))

I,ve known you on this forum for over a year now and i know for a fact you are making excellent progress and believe me i am not patronizing you!!!

So you had a slip, i did last sept, its not the end of the world, s**t i also know its not a competition/race, all our recoveries are unique and different! I have admiraion and respect for you, i dont know you obviously but you bought a tear to my eye reading your posts tonight.....

As for the brother, families ay...can relate to that as you know, GREAT, GRITTY last paragraph on your diary.....shows progress and heart!

High five to you, freda!!! Your hubby is a lucky man....you take care, you must be on bout day 370?? i reckon........ ands xx

sorry for soppy post, feel for you thats all!

just wanna add we all have different opinions and you are not on day 1 its day 371, so day 372 for you tomorrow....Remember what Graham and others said to me ???? anyway sorry im going of on one!

Thanks ands,

You are lovely you! aw, thanks for the support. Ive had loads more gambles than you over the last year, so it is day 3 really. Thanks for reminding me though, that it is day 370 odd since I started fighting the addiction, and I have made some progress!

you have to look after yourself don't you? I told my workmate I was going to have a skinful last night, so she says this morning 'are you feeling rough then?' and I says 'why no! why let someone's nastiness ruin today as well as yesterday? I done some exercise instead'.

I am going to do something to make myself stronger everytime someone hurts me like that - good job I don't see much of them or I would end up looking like Van Diesel, heh heh heh.

Hi Freda, miserable as sin Jas here!

I might go pump some iron now, sounds like a good plan.

Love to you...your kindness is always appreciated.

Jas xx

You are a very sensitive soul aren't you Freda......,mind you it takes one to know one,people can say the most harmless things to me and i build them up into way more than i should......that person can become a real hate figure in my mind and no matter what they say or do in my presence, whether to me or someone else they are just toss*rs in my eyes!!!!......,that's not good is it?,....and is one of the many things i am trying very hard to change.

Seano.

Thanks Seano,

No not in this case. My husband, Dad and Mam all agree that this person treats me like poo, and is nasty to me. He is not an evil person, he is just a prat.

I don't know where you got the idea I think loads of people are t*ssers, there are only 2 family members I have a problem with for very valid reasons. I can be sensitive at times, but I don't build harmless things up in my mind. Who else do I talk about like a hate figure?

Hi Freda,

I think you have misinterpreted my post to you :).....i do think your sensitive(i feel many CG's and Bipolar sufferers are)......,but the main part of the post was me referring to myself and how i react if someone says something to me that most folk would brush off without a second thought :)and i build things up beyond belief!!!!.....,i've never felt you come over as hating anyone:) .Hope that makes more sense :).

Seano.

Oh right, I was just confused! cos sometimes I am doing stuff Im not aware of til someone points it out, but I couldn't think what you meant.

Heh heh. Bless my confuddled head!

I am PROPER knackered today, had to see the shaw trust about stuff and worked overtime too. Im getting a loverly massage at a salon later though. I CAN@T WAIT!!! 😀 😀

I felt like gambling today, I often do when Im tired/stressed, but I didn't.

Well done on not gambling Freda.

I took a look at your diary from this time last year and you seemed quite positive then--enjoying your meditation.

All the best

Stumper