Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda.. thanks for your thoughts as always. You have this uncanny nack of being pretty much spot on in your observations. The force is definately with you. 😉

I can see your doing just fine in recovery and managing the move and all the associated stress pretty d**n well.. marvelous!

Like you say, post as the mood and recovery dictates. I use to post a great deal even when i was tired and run down but now i post when I feel like it and not because i feel like i should. Sometimes i just read a bit and leave it at that. Cheers for now.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda

Thanks for popping in on my diary, glad to read that you are doing well!

Nice one, keep going and what a transformation in the last year, great stuff!!

Take care, ands xx

Hi f,

Great news with the flat and I hope it all goes through well, very soon. Hope you are feeling a bit better too. Well done on 5 weeks.

Stay Strong

Steve

thanks for your posts guys,

just a quick update to say I havent gambled but am poorly with a cold. Cant be bothered to prattle on much just now!

Had a nice morning volunteering for children, being vague on purpose to keep me anonymous, but it was gorgeous seeing their little faces light up! Lush!

A bit manic on the chat room for me!!!! that guys pleight was very interesting though!!!!!!! anyway have a wonderful weekend filled with the strength that we are united in the battle to not let ourselfs go to the lengths of that desperate pleight!!!!!

have a good one, beezer!!!!

seeing their faces light up is far better than the miserable "gits" we were when we gambled freda...well done keep it going we can do this 😉 P.s always refer to as "we" as i see us all as a team i.e when ones down and struggling i would hope there are other members of the team to pick us up 🙂

Hi Freda, hope your cold clears up soon, I hate colds there'snot much you can do but ride it out.

Great news on your mortgage,you will love having your own home together 🙂 I am excited for you, don't forget its one of the most stressful things in life so be prepared and take steps to try and stay calm.

love to both

W xxx

Thanks beezer, wp and W

I am proper poorly with cold, lol. It hurts when I breathe, and the bed was soaked with sweat when I got up. Glad I dont seem to get colds too often.

It is very draining trying to buy a home, I agree. Hopefully it will all be worth it. Also we will be able to move in gradually with us only moving up the road. We have to give a months notice on our rented flat, so we are going to keep both on for the first month. We are hoping we can just do an hour a night. Its just occurred to me though, that we might have to pay 2 lots of council tax and water rates too....Im sure we can contact them and let them know we are not living there the first month.

Anyway, off to have another coughing fit! No gambling for me today!

hi there i think your last words to me wake me up thanks for your advise !

Hi Freda,

Sorry your feeling poorly.. you can have one of my hankerchiefs if you like. Its still in its box.. an xmas present.. I will use "the force" to send it your way... get well soon.. S.A 🙂

Thanks Baljit and SA

Baljit, when did you have this realisation? you posted on Himmats diary that you were gambling on Saturday...we have all given you advice on how to block your access to gambling, until you actually use it no one can help you and you will lose everything.

Im gradually getting better with the cold. Can't believe I have been proper poorly for a whole week! Its like a little preview of being elderly!!!!

This week is the anniversary of my husband and I meeting. I have a great deal to be very thankful for 🙂 I popped into town today to run a few errands, and had some lovely exchanges with people. Some days it just hits me how lovely people can be - if we just let them! Since Ive been in a happier place, people seem to react to me much better. People strike up conversations and its nice. I am very appreciative today of how much my life has improved.

I am still having fleeting thoughts about gambling, but continuing to put them in their place. I am very glad Ive implemented the most recent barrier, it really helps and also makes me less frivolous with my spending.

Things are looking good through these eyes today.

That's a good positive post Freda,hope you enjoy your anniversary:).Your right,i do use these little reminders to help me move on from the past:),asfor having my head screwed on,well many people would have good reason to think i hadn't!!!,that's the dichotomy of a CG i guess,we can be bright, yet behave like total f***wits!!!.

Seano:).

Hi f,

Sorry to hear that you have been under the weather, just don't let the cold turn into 'man flu', for the world has no worse illness than 'man flu'!!! Hope the house move goes nice and steady. I'm sure it will be easier without the problems of gambling piled on top. Keep smiling 🙂

Stay Strong

Steve

Hi Freda (K)

Thanks for your continued support/kindness, you are very sweet! Hope you are feeling a little better and not getting thru too many boxes of tissues. I too hope the house move goes as smoothly as it can, you have done so well over the last year and its great to read Freda. You have been a great recovery buddy and you have always followed/cheered me on from the start of my journey, for that i will always be very grateful.

Keep going your highness! ...take care, ands xxx

Wow, Im royalty now! ha ha

Ive been feeling emotional today. Ive been full of hurt and anger, but once Ive let myself cool off Ive realised its just an old habit that will take time to die.

Just continued feelings of anger toward my family, that they lie about me, dont seem very supportive etc., but I need to stop this knee-j**k feeling of anger. I dont know why I feel so angry toward them you know? I mean they are insensitive, unsupportive and two faced - but I get a really strong angry reaction right in the pit of my stomach and it just spoils my day if nothing else. It seems over the top in the circumstances, as I wasn't actually abused by them or anything awful.

It really is my achilles heel. Perhaps it is for everyone. I think the best I can describe it as, is they don't seem to respect me as a person. For some reason that really burns me.

Anyway, getting angry is not going to achieve anything.

I bought a lotto ticket today, and to be honest, Im not sure how I feel about it. It might have been a bad move, as its still very early days for me. I know a CG is very good at deluding themselves, but I have honestly had periods of years and years where Ive played just the lotto without it escalating. Im not going to throw it away, the one Ive bought, but my gut feeling is to not buy another one in the near future. Better to be safe than sorry!

Our flat purchase is still going ahead so far, but we found out today that the maintenance charge is much higher than we expected. We were hoping it would be about £30 a month maximum, but its £70. This just means we are going to be pushing ourselves a bit more than we thought. At the end of the day, you shouldn't be buying a property if another £40 a month would sink you. Its just not as much of a bargain as we first thought.

Lots of gambling urges today, when I was feeling upset and insecure, but (£1 on the lotto aside) I did not gamble.