Going to keep this thread now!

Hey Freda,sorry that your having a bit of an upset again,you are doing so well lately!!!,not sure about the Lotto,but i guess buying 1ticket on a day that you have had lots of urges is actually a result!!,stay strong.

Seano.

Freda

Thanks for your post. It's good to hear from you.

I'm glad to see that you are still doing well and wish you continued success with your fight.

I hope my last post on my own diary hasn't caused a problem for anyone. It was a part of the story of what this disease has been doing to me over the past year and I hoped that it would just reinforce the reality of the fact that no matter what we win it is worthless as we will only use it to fund the next bet.

Hope all goes well with your move.

DD

Hi Freda,

Sorry to hear that you had a bit of a tough day yesterday. If you feel angry with members of your family then you feel angry. Its always been said to me to feel the feelings and deal with them constructively and in that way thay have less power to overwhelm me. Thats the theory of course, the practice is not easy as is often the case with me in my diary ramblings.

Sounds like the lottery ticket was a response to the family stuff and the financial pressures of your move maybe also your recent feeling unwell. Its the sort of thing that would come in to my mind as well ie potentially make all ones problems or the financial ones atleast go away over night by winning a big bunch of money. doesn't happen of course. But like you say no major damage done you havent emptied your bank account into the slots.

Just keep on your guard though. We all know how easy it is for a gamble however small to lead to another gamble and then another and before we know it were back in the old cycle. maybe this is where the debit card with hubby is proving its worth. Take care and keep safe.. S.A

Dont let that extra £40 month sink you in other ways freda...i.e try to gamble your way to it....you and hubby will find it by other means im sure...at the end of the day itll be your wee palace...stay strong we can do this 😉

Thank you seano, david, SA and wp,

Ah Im not trying to gamble my way into the money to be honest. Ive always wanted to eventually reincorporate the lotto, because to me, a quid a week at a million to one shot of being able to change the lives of the people you love is worth it.

However, Im just gonna give it a wee while longer before I think of playing again. It probably is too soon, and as the next 2 months are anticipated to be pretty full on and stressy, best not to take any risks at triggering urges. Even tiny risks 😉

Im good actually. Really happy in general. I think maybe my feelings had something to do with buying that lotto ticket, but Im pretty happy if that is as far as it goes when Im craving like mad. Better than going on a full on binge. Cheaper too.

Im really looking forward to spending some time with the lovely mr f tomorrow, as he has been working a lot lately. He is a star! 🙂 Gonna read loads of diaries on saturday, but time for some me time now.

Gambling urges today, but didn't act on them. It will be 7 weeks on Weds since my last slip.

Potentially becoming a homeowner has opened my eyes to the value of money. Been looking at all the things we would ideally like to have, but can't afford them all! There are so many different plans and kinds of insurance - life insurance, home insurance, boiler breakdown and servicing to name just a few. Cant afford to gamble with all these on the wish list!

Not been on here for a bit and just thought I'd check to see how you doing, I'm so pleased to hear about your 7 weeks gamble free!

Keep it up and keep positive, all the best

4D

Freda (K)

So much going on for you, so many reasons to finally put this gambling rubbish out of your life. 7 weeks coming up and I feel that this time you will once and for all do it.

Good luck with the new house, that will give you plenty to do, and I hope that will be the start of a new phase of your life where there is no place for dwelling on the past problems that gambling has caused you.

DD

Thank you 4D and David,

Feel a bit selfish at the minute, cos don't have time to read diaries and post any messages of support. It is just crackers trying to sort out buying a flat!!!!

So, Im just checking in briefly on my diary to say 'haven't gambled, not even the lotto' and tomorrow it will be 7 weeks clean.

Hi Freda,

Fantastic news on your clean time. 🙂

Your diary & posts to others has changed so much during this time Freda.

I'm not sure If you are aware, because you are so busy at the moment... if you realise how positive and important that progress really is.

By asking hubby to have a part in your recovery(cards) you have made the situation real... you have made yourself accountable... I think this action was necessary for you to move forward with your recovery.

A New Home eh, Freda 😉 I'm so happy for you. I do remember how tired & stressful the whole house buying process is... but also exciting! As a previous poster quoted... A new era & chapter for you and hubby...

I wish you both much happiness.

Jackie

Thank you jac for that lovely post! 🙂

At meditation class the subject of humility and pride was brought up this week. Do you know, I have a real problem with being humble and swallowing my pride. Im working on it, and perhaps hubby having this involvement and keeping my card is an example of such a breakthrough. Im so used to talking the talk - you know 'i dont need to have my money managed for me, I can handle it - Im not that bad.' Sounds like pride to me, which comes before a fall...

Anyway, I grew up in a home where it was forbidden to ask for help, you were supposed to just get on with it. I definitely took onboard that I was not allowed to have faults, be human, make mistakes. Heavy handed judgement and anger would follow if I dared to be fallible...

This is why I do not spend much time around certain people. I cannot be myself around them, without being harshly judged and attacked. Do you know what though? my husband loves me warts and all, and around him I can be myself. I can be fallible - its not a sin. Aren't I wonderfully lucky to have found that?

I was tempted to gamble several times today, but didn't. Today is day 50, and it will be gamble free.

Speaking of getting used to swallowing my pride - guess what? I can't cope with reading and posting on diaries at the moment. Why not just be honest about my limitations? My head is too full of other things, and in my spare time, I need to switch off and meditate. I want to be a person who can cope with everything, but Im not. And thats ok.

Freda,

Day 51 for you, good stuff, this time you will do it.

Thanks for your post on my diary, need all support I can get at the moment.

Really hope that your move will be the new start that will give you all incentives and positive thoughts to finally get rid of the gambling demon that has made such a mess of so many of us on here.

David

Hi Freda,

I enjoyed reading your last post. It made a lot of sense. Working recovery as it suits you.. and thats what its all about. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Day 53 and I didn't gamble.

not much to say really...

Thanks SA and David.

Just checking in.

Hi Freda

Thanks for the post, and for checking up on me!

Day 29 was the most difficult so far. I did have thoughts of finding a site that I am not self excluded from, but I don't think there is one!! So no, in that respect I have not left the door ajar. In fact the door is now fitted with triple glazing and double draught excluders.

I do have gamblock on my pc, but I can get around it if I want to. Won't say how on here though.

I have handed over control of my money to my sister. I carry no cards so even if the urge is there I cannot act on it.

I talk about this openly now with my family, GP, and had first visit to see a psychiatrist last week.

I am totally commited this time, for myself, my family, and hope that as I go on with this I can give some encouragement to others trying to beat this disease.

Day 53 for you Freda - great stuff! Day 31 for me and like you I won't gamble today.

Right I'm rambling again (better than gambling again)

Off to carve the roast lamb and pour a large glass of red wine.

Cheers!

DD