Going to keep this thread now!

I'd agree with SA your not a selfish person, what I see is your need for self preservation and the need to protect yourself. Which is so so very important. Hope hubby is giving you that big hug!

Take Care

Del x

I'm sorry, I just lost it. went on netline and couldn't get a straight answer from 'do you think im being selfish' there was a huge pause and i just panicked.

I felt angry that my colleague couldn't accept that I couldn't cope. I wound up feeling like maybe I am being selfish. But I have been here before with family members who make out its my fault that I can't cope with the way they treat me, that I'm being stupid even though they made me hyperventilate. When you have been told for a lot of years that you are nasty and selfish for feeling distressed it messes with you.

If someone is talking about something and I wind up unable to breathe, there is nothing wrong with saying please can we not talk about that.

Ive been thinking a lot about what this woman says as well, and shes all 'poor me, i can't feed my kids' but she only ran out of cigarettes today! shes exaggerating things to make me feel sorry for her - thats shocking. Either that or she prioritises cigarettes over food for her kids, and shame on her if she does.

Freda,i reckon this work colleague is really trying to get a few quid off you:),kind of a sympathy loan,perhaps she has a drink, drugs or gambling problem herself,anyway,i don't think your being selfish,it's vital given your recent history that you look after your own needs first and foremost,if she has no money for food signpost her to the salvation army,they will donate a food parcel,or she could apply to the jobcentre/social services for a "crisis" loan,anyway,as i say you look after yourself Freda:).

Seano.

Freda, been thinking about you and I hope your evening has been better. I know only too well what it's like to be in a family like you've described. I don't talk about it too much on here but it lies very central to the problems I'm having and have had for a long time. This is your time now girl, to make a better future, be around people that are good for you and have your best interests at heart. (i'm talking to myself here too lol)

Don't buy into this woman's crazymaking..I think sean has hit the nail on the head in regards to a sympathy loan..the thought had crossed my mind too that it could be the case.

Keep strong, keep posting 🙂

Del x

Thanks delgirl, sa and seano

I only got about 5 hours broken sleep, the mind flashing back to work all the time. However, standing up for myself has done the trick. Today has been much better.

I'm tired and drained still, but the hard part has been done - she knows know that general support and encouragement is fine, but crises are for social workers.

In the calmer light of day, I can see that she has been exaggerating all along. Perhaps it was to try and tap for money, who knows. I have to toughen up and take it all with a bucket of salt. I know if it was me and that really was the situation, I wouldn't be at work moaning, I would be in the pawn shop with my wedding ring. If its really that bad you do what you have to do.

Even though I know now I did nothing wrong calmly but firmly saying 'please stop, i can't cope' I am glad she hasn't gone all angry about it.

Hi Freda,glad things are resolved now,and your back on an even keel:),.....Frankie Boyles book is called "My sh^t life so far",funnily enough his first job after uni was working with mentally disabled people,and he has a very caring side to him:),anyway i got the book from the "works",£1.99 special offer:).

Seano.

Hey, what is really important is that you are there to listen to her with her problems.

Your support to Dave is really wonderful to see and this shows that you are a true human being.

You cannot do everything for everyone all the time - what is really important is that you are not gambling.

GT

Thanks Seano and gettingthere,

Well, we get paid on Friday so there is only one more week of this talk of poverty (!) till next month that is. I'm sure it will happen again.

Going to calmly and quietly try to get on with it, block the moaning out best I can, and continue looking for another job.

I can choose how I react to my current work situation. I can see it as a nightmare, or simply as a gift. I need to move on to something more challenging anyway, it was always my intention to use this job as a stop-gap for a year, while I adjusted back to working life and strengthened my inner resources. I know there isn't much work about, but its extra motivation to look around and try to move on.

I will be happy even sitting behind a checkout - that will still be more challenging than what I am currently doing. Eventually I hope to have a 'proper career' but that will take time.

Today I won't gamble and after tomorrow, I will have completed 3 full weeks of abstinence.

Those paydays take ages to come at the moment don't they?

Hopefully we'll all soon be in a position when they come round much more quickly. I do remember those days when I only checked my bank account a few times a month.

Now I check it at least once every day, wonder why?!

A great idea thinking about a change in scene with your job, anything to take your mind off from throwing money away has to be a bonus!

GT

Well done on not gambling for 3 weeks Freda--that is the most important thing to concentrate on right now.

NLTBGYD--is a phrase worth remembering too!

All the best

Stumper x

Thanks Stumper - what does that mean???

hello freda, i just spent time reading your diary. well done on 3 weeks.

keep your chin up.

i found your diary such a interesting read, i hope i managed to keep a diary going for that long!!:)

Think its never let the b? get you down?!

bookies?

b****rs?!

GT

I think you are right GT, thank you! it was driving me crazy 🙂

Hi, Freda; I just picked your diary to read some of and I'm impressed, too, that you've kept it going for so long.

Some of my story is in New Members Forum and I also started a diary.

Something you said about depression really made me realize that it's those of us with depressive, addictive personalities who wind up in this spot. We're sensitive and we suffer mild, moderate and/or severe depression at different times in our lives. I've had all three over the years and mostly keep it under control with Cymbalta and trying to eat right, exercise a little, see friends, keep in touch with family and go to church. But especially over the holidays it crept up on me. Instead of drinking or gambling I ate too much and now am even more overweight.

But I"m determined to go at least one year without gambling. My gambling drug of choice is the slot machines, which have been called the "*** C*****e" of gambling. Good luck. We are all in this together and I'm realizing after reading a few diaries that it is so similar to each of us. I want to try the Chat Room but it was closed right now. Best wishes, glitter.