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Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Day 373

Thanks all for your kind words and support as ever.

Already a whole week has passed since my 1 year gamble free anniversary. Tomorrow I am finally completing the booking of the Whale watching/Northern Lights trip. Beginning of December that will be 2 things off my bucket list. Exciting times ahead to finish the year with.

Life is very different for me but it is truly better in every way and can only continue to improve.

Take care all

Matt

 
Posted : 11th October 2017 11:10 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Matt,

Let me know if you need any travel advice for seeing the northern lights.

I live in Southern Norway and also lives in Northern Norway for 3 years.

P.s Great choice booking that trip.

breakfree

 
Posted : 11th October 2017 12:22 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Hi Breakfree

The trip I have planned is flying to Tromso. It is arranged by a company called Nordic visitor. Do you think I would do better to arrange hotels and trips seperately?

Any advice appreciated.

Thanks

Matt

 
Posted : 11th October 2017 1:06 pm
(@sars27)
Posts: 397
 

Hey matt !

Over a year GF !!! Wowwwww !! I'm happy that you're enjoying a breathe of fresh air . Life is just amazing without gambling . Now you're painting a colourful life , don't go back to where you were. Proud of you buddy !

Sars

 
Posted : 11th October 2017 7:39 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Day 374

Thanks Sars!

Yeah it has been hard going as you know but I am reaping the rewards now. Hope all is good with you mate.

Cheers

Matt

 
Posted : 12th October 2017 10:17 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Matt,

TromsГё is a beautiful part of Norway, the Paris of the North it's known as.

I would buy the hotel and trip using the tour operator, it may be more expensive but they usually have good knowledge of the area and you can sit back and enjoy the trip.

Anyway think of all the money you have saved over the last year not gambling.

Enjoy Norway:-)

 
Posted : 12th October 2017 12:23 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

So glad you have stayed gamble free, what a difference a day makes, as it turns into a week, a month, a year and hopefully many many more days filled with happiness, self learning and renewed self respect and gratitude for the lives we lead.

 
Posted : 12th October 2017 1:12 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Day 379

Busy and fun weekend. Went to football on Saturday and my team finally won, had more than a few beers to celebrate. Sunday My brother, his GF and my niece visited and we went bowling and had some lunch. It was nice to spend some time with them. Yesterday was crazy busy with work but I am really enjoying the new challenges I have and hoping some of my hard work will bare fruit soon.

My trip to Tromso is booked, whale watching, northern lights and Dog Sledding! 3 things off of my bucket list in one trip, I really cannot wait.

I have also booked some time off at Xmas, never really done this before. Last Xmas as we know was horrific but this year I am really going to try and get in the Xmas spirit and enjoy it. Looking forward to getting some decorations up and really experiencing my first festive period gambling and trouble free.

Stay strong all

Matt

 
Posted : 17th October 2017 8:52 am
changemylife
(@changemylife)
Posts: 531
 

A massive congratulations Matt. You are showing us all how it should be done. Living your life better. Achieving goals and experiencing new/exciting things.

 
Posted : 17th October 2017 12:37 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Day 380

Thanks changemylife, I am doing my best to help lead the way. Gambling stole nearly 16 years of my life away and some. I still have some debt to pay off but I am hammering away at that and cannot wait to feel the sense of achievment when the gambling debts are at zero.

I guess that is my next goal really and I have certainly come to terms with how much damage has been and can be done.

A life gamble free is an amazing prospect so I hope we can all roll on from here and achieve it.

Matt

 
Posted : 18th October 2017 9:10 am
Sharon41
(@sharon41)
Posts: 859
 

Hi Matt Thanks so much for looking out for me, will grab a copy of Alan Carr. Although am still GF and plodding on it'S good to refresh and re enforce the foundation I have built. How fantastic to have your trip to look forward to, you so deserve it! Take care my fri5S:)

 
Posted : 18th October 2017 10:12 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
Topic starter
 

Day 381

First late night/early morning post since my horrific, traumatic break up. I'm laying in the bed and in the house that i once shared with my ex. I've documented every kind of emotion on this diary and tonight I'm going to document some anger, some real heart felt anger. I guess the reality has just dawned on me that the person I once loved most tried to utterly ruin me as a person, knowing that I had problems and knowing that I was in the terrible *** of addiction.

Now I am going to do a Stephen (Abstainer). I am going to quote some songs how I feel right now and how I feel about myself.

1) my abstinence begins so

Not giving in, Rudimental. Lost my heart and lost my soul, now it's time, lost my mind, lost my goal. Not giving in, this time I'm gonna be stronger, not giving in.

2) the punishment inflicted despite my obvious problems

Bleeding love....you cut me open and I keep bleeding love

3) I walk away from the pain and my family including a step daughter I will never see again

Anything for you Gloria Estefan

And I'd do anything for you
In spite of it all
I've learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

4) faith in the future that it is there for me even if it is unknown

Natasha beddingfield Unwritten

am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.

5 who knows but probably Justin Timberlake Cry Me A River.

Sorry I posted this but I am human and emotion is healthy and this diary has been a release to me. I may never have been able to do this before and would be hidden in a sub concious cave betting on some random Japanese challenger tennis match.

Matt

 
Posted : 19th October 2017 12:49 am
Smashed
(@smashed)
Posts: 302
 

I know how you feel Matt, was married for 14 years, I believe I was a good husband, gave up a lot of my hopes and dreams to make a woman you love happy for it to just get thrown away, the story is too long and complicated to post now maybe one day. The saying " Lifes a b***h" comes to mind, I think it's good you posted it, release it from your head as there are many others who have travelled in the same boat, ruined, maybe. Destroyed NO. Something ruined can be repaired and made better. Take it easy Matt.

 
Posted : 19th October 2017 9:05 am
Sharon41
(@sharon41)
Posts: 859
 

Matt don't feel you have to apologise for expressing what you feel, the world would be a better place if more people did. Things would be awful enough but when a child is involved I can see why you are even more torn apart. Also I have found not getting any answers or closure on something is torture. I only hope you can take a little comfort that your exs daughter still holds fond memories and cares for you, children see everything as it truly is and she'll know you're a kind and thoughtful man who cares about her. I'm probably repeating myself but women who use children in their mind and emotion games make me blood boil! I know it'S all very well people saying 'draw a line, move on etc' but easier said then done, so be kind to yourself and do it at your pace. Heartfelt hugs and thoughts Matt, no one would expect you to 'get over this' in a flash. To 'fess up I still have substantial issues with my daughters father but she saw him recently and basically told him he was useless, of course he was immediately defensive and then text me. My response was this is her opinion of you not mine(mine is a zillion times worse!). I know I'll never get answers from him as to why he had chosen not to be around but I refuse to spend my headspace on beating myself up. On that self indulgent note (sorry!! ) thinking of you and hope the pain you feel eases. Take care my friend S:)

 
Posted : 19th October 2017 9:33 am
Little miss lost
(@little-miss-lost)
Posts: 745
 

Matt, I replied on my diary to you mentioning where you've come from and all you have achieved.
If anyone deserves a moment, it's you.
As you said 'faith in a future that is there for me even though it is unknown.' You have to have faith in the hope that one day all the heartache you've felt will be totally worth it, you appear to have already come out of this a better person. You have many friends who are there for you and family around you, especially your gorgeous niece who appears to adore her uncle matt and lights up your world.
Some so called friends don't stick around in times of struggle, you had many who helped, this shows that you must be a great guy for your friends to put themselves out for you.
Who knows what is around the corner. You deserve the best of everything. You should feel proud of all of your achievements this last year, look after you and the future will take care of itself x

 
Posted : 19th October 2017 8:56 pm
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