Here goes again... The final assault!

@j5a6meyr4z thank you pink 😁.  You are the voice of reason and sanity as always.  Sleep well.

@thebean 🩷🍎😊

Still not gambling 😊 

@thebean 👏👏👏👏💪🙏. Brilliant bean. Keep up the good work.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Still not gambling 🙂

It has been a trying month.  All of my own making as I am learning how needlessly chaotic I make my life!  But all good now.  Suffice to say it was not gambling related but i nearly went down a course that would have ended in an utter disaster, but I put the breaks on.  I am dealing with the personal emotional fallout a bit but I did the right thing.

I have been a bit (very) unsettled lately.  I only just realised it is coming up to one year since I had the great big breakdown and admitted the gambling to my wife.  That was a BIG day, I was an utter mess.

A few things triggered its memory.  I think it is the changing of the season and cooler mornings.  Funny what takes your mind back.  That day I cried like a child I have never felt such a failure.

Now on reflection, I am proud of my achievements over the past 12 months.  Though it has not been without its slips.

Apart from actually telling my wife and a few close friends the group CBT was the greatest help and achievement.  That and all of you guys on here, you know who you are!  🙂 

I took last Tuesday off to examine my finances and it was depressing.  My credit score is good but I have not managed to pay down the debts much at all.  I am going to call Stepchange this week, I think I am going to have to do a DMP if this is ever going to get sorted.  I am so guilty about this more than everything, we rent...  Providing a home for my family is the most basic thing I can do and I wonder if I'll ever be able to.  If so, they will probably be at uni by then!

One more thing going around my mind...  20 years of gambling...  Years of my life wasted.  Now at 42 I would give anything to go back and rewrite the script.  Not because of the money, 100% because of the suffocating angst it caused.  I just stopped developing as a person when I started to gamble.

Someone told me last week that they liked how 'innocent' I was, they meant it as a compliment.  In a way I am. Part of my personality just stopped at the age of 21 when I started gambling.  It took all of my headspace.  

I feel as though parts of my brain are waking up again.  I learned to play the piano when I was young, it all stopped when I started to gamble.  I got my kids keyboard out last night and thought I would have a go, I can still read music and after 1h could bang out a few pieces (very badly).  I can't believe that I never thought of having a go before.  That is what gambling did to me.  It eclipsed everything else that was good out of my life.

My mind is shifting around in strange ways at the moment.  The family joke is that I am having a midlife crisis lol.  But I don't feel down or upset, just a bit surreal.  Something is changing and I can't work it out.

I just read this post and it's a load of tripe lol (Too many 'lol's?  Did I have too many lols?  I am over thinking again... LOL).  I am still posting though!

LOL! I thoroughly enjoyed reading that post. LOLs and all! Great to hear you are still doing well. It really is amazing the things we can do now our minds are not consumed by gambling.

Stepchange has been a game changer for me. The debts stop growing as the interest and charges generally get stopped. Your debts will reduce quicker. The only issue is that it will impact your credit score. It's a toss up between hurting your credit score and paying the debts off quicker, or paying the debts off for much longer but keeping the credit score. For me it was a no brainer. I cant start to save until the debts gone. The sooner its gone the better. 

You sound like you are in a really strong headspace at the moment, even with other things going on, and you should quite rightly be proud of yourself. This journey, however bumpy, is a tough one and you've fought hard to get to this point. 

Keep up the piano work. It's great to have something to occupy the mind, and can be very rewarding. I keep meaning to take up the guitar again. Tried a few times, but always get distracted.

Good luck with the midlife crisis!

Stay strong 👍 

@thebean I am with Stepchange and have been for a number of years.  Yes, my credit score is not good at all but it is improving and more importantly for me, I just tell myself that each year, my debt is lowering and that’s that. Thankfully for me, I do not have to think about going for a mortgage and I am now in a property with zero mortgage so this is something that keeps me going. Whilst I still have around £30k of debt with Stepchange, which I think is huge but I know there are others on here much worse off and some people these days, have huge mortgages, making my 30k not look that bad I suppose but everything is relevant. I just keep plodding on with my payments to them as right now, there is no more I can do other than that. I have also paid back 12k in total over the years so I just have to be happy with that.

I think the best advice I can give, is to set up a plan with them, make your monthly payments and not to let the debt and how long it will take to repay it, consume your mind. Just keep it in the background so to speak.

Best of luck bean.  Rooting for you and keeping you in my prayers. 🙏.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Thank you both 😀 .  It is good to know that the DMP is working for you.

I have just got of the phone with Stepchange.  Unfortunately their system is down so they can't see my account but were still able to give good advice.

If I pay about £500 a month I should be able to be debt free in about 3.5 years.  It will trash my credit rating but wont make a mortgage impossible, the interest will be high but they are happy to give advice on this as well.

I have savings of over £20000 in an ISA, but it is a scheme where the gov added 25% to my deposits as it was a help to buy ISA.  I would instantly lose a 1/4 if i used it and it to cover debt and it will be needed if we ever, ever get a chance to buy.

I applied for a Breathing Space so no interest for 60 days.  I need to take some time to think about the DMP, though it seems like a no brainer, probably the sooner I do it the better.  It is quite an unpleasant process so I need to leave it for a day or two.

The midlife crisis is going well cheers 🤣 I got some just for men beard dye to cover a few grey patches.  It has taken a few years off anyway.  My youngest said I now look 39 so I'll take it, it is the right side of 40!

I went for a drink last night and spoke about how bad the gambling had got to a good mate I have known for years.  It was really good to sound off.

Then met up with another friend who is absolutely minted, two houses and is a partner in a legal firm.  I did not feel comfortable discussing the gambling with him, it's not that I am ashamed, he is a nice guy just terrible at listening and I know he would not understand it.  He would try and tell me what he thought and not see what I actually went through.

It became apparent as the night went on that he was not okay.  He is really stressed and went into a meltdown when he missed his train, all he had to do was wait another 20 min.  In the end we went our separate ways and he called me ranting about the missed train and told me 'I clearly did not care and I should just go home' and put the phone down 🤣 .  He clearly has issues cracking off somewhere, but he would not say anything about his personal life just kept being defensive and changing the subject.  He was exactly the same 20 years ago when he went though a bad relationship.  Hopefully I am growing a bit more than him at the moment.

I should probably call him and see what was really going on.

It just shows...  All the money in the world can't buy peace of mind.

I need to chill out a bit now.  I woke up at 4am with a big anxiety about calling Stepchange.  Done now and I have info to think over.

I have been up since 7 am and not even had a coffee yet.  House to myself and it is bliss.  I am going to try and forget about the debt for the rest of the day.  I have set things in motion now I just need to detach a bit.

Hope all is well in everyone's non-gambling lives

Doing a great job there bean. How long gf now? Hope all goes well with sorting the payment of debts. 

@aoxbg6d3ji 28 days GF now Roxy after my latest fall from the wagon.

I just had an email from a guy from the Financial Ombudsman.  I raised a complaint with one of my credit cards (One of the biggest providers).  I had told the CC back in Oct 2023 I was using the card to gamble overseas and I needed help to stop.  The credit limit was over £10,000.  Also told them I was having really bad mental health due to this.

They did not restrict the card.

I asked them for help again in early 2024 and they told me to call a gambling charity for support and did not block my card.

I take responsibility for what I did but I raised it as a complaint as they just did not help me.

Anyway.  The Ombudsman agrees with my complaint!  They have been ordered to compensate me £350 for mental distress caused and not following the lending code.  I still owe them £3000 but they have to set up a payment schedule.

I am absolutely made up!  It's not about the money.  Just vindication that I was really trying to beat this even during the dark days!

Hi @thebean

28 days whoop whoop! Closing in fast on a whole month gf, what an achievement. I'm happily closing in on three weeks

 Good to hear you have been offered compensation. I'm kind of annoyed with my bank who previously were letting me deposit with international casinos, even though I repeatedly asked online if they could please just stop me. When you are feeling as an addict that your willpower is deserting you and you ask a financial institution to help you, I think they should. 

You and others on here have been an inspiration to me and also helped me stay strong when I felt/feel weak, so thank you 😎 

Wishing you the strongest of wills, and a happy, gamble free life x

Oh also I had activated the gambling block they offered, but it wasn't working 🙁

@thebean Well done bean 👏👏👏. Once you set up your Stepchange plan, you will no longer pay any more interest- just what you owe 👌.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

@aoxbg6d3ji yep Roxy. 

If you repeatedly asked your bank for help due to your gambling and they didn't you need to raise a complaint. 

Not everyone will agree with me as they feel it means that by raising a complaint you are not fully owning your own gambling.  I can see how some may do this, however I strongly feel companies should be held accountable.

My mental state was really, really bad last year.  I was open and honest with my CC over the phone and it took a lot for me to make that call.  The ombudsman recognised that and has made recommendations that the call handlers act differently when this happens again.  And happen again it will...Some poor sod will call, full of anxiety and self hate asking them to help him/her stop gambling.  Hopefully they will get more help than I did. (Why the italics?!?)

@j5a6meyr4z thanks Pink.  I am still yet to decide to trigger the DMP, it feels like the nuclear option when my credit file is looking really clean.  I probably will have to do it, but at least I have the breathing space now to think clearly.

No thoughts of gambling 😊 

32 Days GF now after the spectacular slip up and existential crisis 🤣 .

Very nearly got stuck at 31 days though.  Last night after a few beers I was lying in bed and found myself trying to log on to a casino site.  I had credit card details as I had needed the number to check my account earlier in the day.

I stopped before the madness started.  What was scary was that I wasn't even processing what I was doing.  It was just happening.  The alcohol defo contributed.

I slept well then woke up with anxiety as I imagined that I had gambled and was going over in my head what I had lost.  Even when I realised I had not gambled it took some time to calm down.

A productive day....  Cut the grass.  Cleaned the car.  Took the dishwasher out and drained it and unclogged the filter.  Unblocked the sink.  Cleared a few cupboards.  Threw away chipped plates and the growing collection on tupperware with no lids.  Cleared my wardrobe.  Even went for a quick meal out with the other half and did the weekly food shop (that cost a fortune and we will be back there in 2 days!).  Much more productive than the hate and self loathing of checking bank balances and begging emails for money back if I had of gambled.

Going through my wardrobe is pretty depressing.  I have not spent money on clothes in ages.  Firstly as I never had the money due to gambling, secondly as I did not think I deserved it due to the gambling.

I am fitting into clothes I had in my early 20's now as I have shifted some weight.  But it is still pretty bad that I literally have nothing new in the past 15 years apart from a suit for a wedding.  The bag I use to take to work is the same bag I used at college when I was 18 😱

This month I have a bit of money left over after all debt and bills.  I have decided that next week I am going to start throwing some old tattered stuff out and gradually replacing stuff.  I think it is more of a matter of self respect.  It feels like an indulgence though and the old gambling part of me still says I am not worth it.

This not gambling malarkey doesn't half open a pandora's box.  Still better than gambling though!