Here goes again... The final assault!

Bean my old buddy. Time for a new wardrobe me thinks!

Good to see you recognising urges and acting on the before its too late. It's a scary thought that we can be tempted to near ruin before saving ourselves. the important thing is that we do.

Going back to your Ombudsman complaint. I have a similar story. I went through a company to see if any of my lenders were responsible for irresponsible lending. Could have done it myself, but wasn't sure if I had a case, nor did I have the time to do this. I recently got a result back and the company admitted irresponsible lending and awarded me a compensation amount. This came off my debt and I had to pay the company I used a commission. Helped reduce the debt, which I was happy about.

This does open an interesting discussion. Was this fair? I took the debt and signed to accept the terms. I took the debt and gambled it. It was all me. The company who lent the money did (apparently) affordability checks and at the time I was very surprised they allowed me to take the loan. Did I deserve the cashback? If the loan company had been offering a reasonable APR, I would have been more understanding, however they purely prey on people with weak credit to make huge sums back. I shouldn't have been given the loan, but they shouldn't have offered it at a ridiculous APR. Greed on both sides. In the end, they still made money out of me. I don't feel bad and would encourage anyone else who feels they have been taken advantage of to pursue this. Lenders have to take some responsibility, and the proper lenders do. It's the snakes who prey on the weak who deserve to be punished.

Rant over!

Anyway, great to see you staying on top of things and moving on. Now get yourself sorted with some new clothes you tramp! 🤣 

Stay strong mate 👍 

@p6z38njbqm 'Tramp' 🤣 🤣 🤣 Look, if Oasis have reformed what is wrong with my wardrobe from the same era?  The Worzel Gummidge look has come back!  

No Gambling.  There were a few thoughts if I am honest but I used the 'Challenging mistaken ideas' part of my CBT.  If I deposit I have already lost the money, I won't get it back and I will just gamble more as I have done 1000 times before. 

At the moment this is keeping the gambling at bay.

Interesting thoughts re responsible lending.  I relied on Payday loans back-to-back around 8 years ago.  But I would usually only have them for a few days and then cancel the contracts. 

I would take £1000 from Wonga to have spending money on a trip to Spain, blow the lot, win some back, pay off the loan, go on holiday, blow anything left and more then take out another loan.  I still can't get my head around it, it was a living Hell.

I recently applied for credit, that I did not take out.  The application process has totally changed now.  I had to click on a statement confirming that I was not using the money to gamble.  They also wanted access to my bank through 'Open Banking'.  Lenders are clearly being forced to do due diligence more now.

I have 2 loans, each around £6000 left each at around 17% APR combined, they are £400 pm, but on top of that are the credit cards that is going to kill me as the interest free periods are ending.

I took the debts as did you.  No one forced me to.  I misused the money.  However with some of the credit cards I was open about my gambling issue with them and asked for help.  They did not give it, I had limits of £10600,  £6000, £4600 and several others around £1000 each.  All maxed out.  Total of about £27000 left.

I am still yet to decide whether to trigger the DMP.  My credit file is absolutely clean, every payment on every loan and card is up to date with no missed payments, but it is killing me each month and won't get any better for several years.

In my opinion, reading through your story, you have every right to demand redress. If someone is taking out a loan on mega high APR of anything over say 35% APR (and payday loans were much much more than this) then it is obvious that they are desperate.  If someone is desperate it needs due diligence and a complete review of their transactions before granting a loan.

As you say.  It is all about greed, from the companies and from compulsive gambling.  No amount is ever enough.

Stupid thing is, I don't even like money.  So long as I have enough to put food on the table I don't want much more.

I emailed the Ombudsman to thank him for the long review he made of my case.  To be fair it must have taken the poor guy ages.  And he really understood my situation.  He replied to thank me and say he was awaiting the response from the credit card company and would be in touch.

It was the tone of the credit card company (who I would love to name and shame) when I first complained about their lack of support to someone who openly admitted a gambling issue causing mental health problems that got me so angry.  Their response showed a complete ignorance of someone with a gambling issue.  In addition it was just really rude and dismissive.

Good to get that off my chest. 

Anyway, need to get the kids in bed as the other half has abandoned me and already gone to bed.  I need to be up at 5.30am and its all week in the office and hospital ward, it is going to be a long one.

Night all, and DON'T GAMBLE

Still not gambling and feeling calm.

I went to the gym tonight and really pushed it with the weights.  I have a nice glow inside left over from it.  It really chills me out 😊 

Gambling has been on my mind.  I wish I could say that it has not but I have to be honest.  However I have not got the means to gamble with the few cards I do have in my possession having the security numbers scratched off.

I went through my wardrobe yesterday and threw away loads of old tattered stuff.  Even went to Lidi and brought new boxer shorts 🤣 🤣   I am getting on vinted to update some stuff.

It may seem irrelevant but in my little brain the gambling, refusal to buy anything new for myself and hating my picture being taken is all connected.

Even though I have slipped in recovery up I am in a much better head space than 1 year ago.

You just don't get how pervasive and negatively impacting this addiction is until to reflect over the damage that it has caused.

Interesting incident today at work.  A senior colleague came into work in a bad mood and was really rude and arsey with me in-front of about 6 other workers who all went quiet.  I stood my ground over the issue and told her that her attitude was unacceptable.  She backed down straight away and went very quiet so I felt bad and made her a cup of tea Lol...  She even messaged my personal phone about something random after work.... I think she knew she went too far and wanted to check we were okay.

One year ago I would never have answered back.  Thinking on it, for years I let people get away with this type of behaviour, it drove my wife mad that I would always be too polite.

I would like to think it was all connected.  Maybe not but its the way I choose to frame it!

Night

37 days GF now.  Yes I would like to gamble but I won't and I can't anyway due to the restrictions.

1 year ago 37 days GF would have felt like a epic milestone.  These days it just feels like another day.  

The urge is still there but it is diminished.

Today has been tiring.  Busy with work and I got a call from my sister in law saying my mum was on her way to hospital after a bad fall.  

Popped to A&E which was bedlam and found her covered in blood with a suspected broken hip. 

I took my sister to see her, still in A&E, tonight and I nearly told her about my gambling.   So far my bros and sister don't know.  Only a few close friends and wife (obviously) and her sisters who I wanted to know as I felt she needed to vent and have support.

I should have told my sister but I didn't want to worry her or upset her.  We have always been close and I know she would suffer if she knew how bad my mental state had been.

Got me thinking.  I have my appraisal at work soon.  The guy who is my mentor 🤣 is a bit useless but also really a nice guy who plays poker. I should tell him about the gambling issue I have had...

I always said that gambling likes to hide in dark places.  But I haven't really been 100% honest with everyone close to me.

Should I be more open about my issue?

Day 40 after the epic fall off the wagon.  Or more like fall off the wagon, the wagon's wheels come off and the wagon explodes in flames.

Good.  Thoughts of gambling are not really in my mind.

I logged on to one of the casino accounts on my laptop.  All other devices have gamban.  I just wanted to see the date and amount of the transactions that I made last month to make sure they had not taken different amounts.  I had been drinking when I slipped up.

The thought of depositing was not there at all.  It made me feel sick.

I spoke with the online casino chat and asked them to permanently close my account.  They, of course, refused.  But they were so rude to me it was unbelievable.  I mean, they went well out of their way to be offensive?!?  

I can't get how I ever paid money to such s**m 

I am focusing more on working out.  A mate is joining me at the gym twice per week so it is a good incentive.

All the best to everyone fighting the fine fight!

Welldone mate great achievement the truth is it all about the money they will bend over backwards when your spending money the moment they dont see any benefit out of you that when their true colours come out use this experience as a learning curve and become stronger in your recovery👍

@thebean Well done bean.  Keep surging ahead and fighting the fight!💪🙏

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Day 46 GF and gambling is not in my head. 

Either i am Bi polar 🤣 or I have it the euphoric phase and my dopamine is levelling out again.  I just feel happy and chilled.  I am sleeping really well and feeling confident.  I had these periods before and I am starting to recognise it, I only have these feelings when I have not gambled for a while.  Long may it continue.

I did a Inbody body scan last week.  It tells you your lean muscle mass, fat mass along with other measurements.  I did one last year as well just before I had a major breakdown due to the gambling.  In the past year my health has really improved, lost fat and gained muscle.  It is all connected.  I was not looking after myself when gambling, eating rubbish.

I still need to cut the alcohol down though.  I think it is now time to focus more on this.

@thebean Hi bean. Lovely to hear from you again 🙂. So happy for you that things have settled down and levelled out. Nothing better than feeling “happy and chilled”!👌. A big well done on your g.f days. Long May it continue 🙏.

Hope you have a nice week ahead.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.